Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction: Proactive Parenting 1
Understanding Your Child's Behavior- and Misbehavior
"Are You My Mommy? Are You My Daddy?" The Beginnings of Identity 9
Differences in Development: Identity, "Attachment," Connection, and Resiliency 15
Identity and Your Child's Complex Background 29
Connection, Survival Skills, and Family Skills 36
Resiliency and Reactive Coping Behaviors 50
Memories from a Complex Background 63
Key Parenting Strategies
Providing a Framework for Fragmented Memories 74
The Roots of Identity: We Are Alike, We Are Different 87
Connection Activities and Games 96
Eye Contact and Face-to-Face Interaction 104
Joyful Play, Language, and Connection 111
Sleep, Connection, and Separation 127
Teaching Your Child to Self-Soothe and Self-Calm 146
Sensory-Motor Integration and Stimulation Management 165
"Ping-Pong" Interactions for Connection and Reconnection 185
Making Rules and Limits Work 191
Repairing Disconnection between Child and Parent 202
Encouraging Adjustment and Interdependence 207
Structuring Transitions, Separations,and Work/Life Decisions 223
As Your Adopted Child Grows Up
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Questions and Answers about Birth, Past, and Present 236
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Separation and Reunion 242
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Dictators and Bosses 259
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Making Choices about Race, Culture, Ethnicity, and Identity 273
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Creating a Deeper and More Detailed Adoption Story 284
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Acting Out, Being "Perfect," and Other Challenging Behaviors 297
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: New Bodies, New Pressures 309
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Identity Challenged and Reinforced 329
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Independence without Disconnection 343
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: In the Shadow of Independence 355
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: How Self-Control Happens, and What to Do When It Does Not 369
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: Mixed Heritages, Fluid Identities 399
Last Words 413
Teaching Your Child Your Language 414
Bibliography 417
Index 424
