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"What do you mean you want to tie me up while we have sex??? I thought I knew you! How can you even think that way???"

The above is not too different from the reaction I got the first time that I ever asked a woman if I could tie her up while we had sex. Candidly, part of me could understand why she felt so concerned. Keep in mind this conversation happened back in about 1970, when things like bondage were almost unheard of, and very, very taboo. The hippie era was very much still in progress, and "peace, love, and bondage" was not one of our mantras.

Fortunately, since then we've come a very long way in becoming accepting of more forms of sex play. Dr. Alex Comfort, in his wonderful book The Joy of Sex, did a lot to help the situation. This book was first published in 1972 and I got my copy in 1973. When I was able to show a potential sex partner the "bondage" section in that wonderful book, it did a lot to help her entertain the thought that mixing in some bondage with our sex life was at least an option that could be considered by a sane person. Oh, and some of my partners took me up on the idea — with growing enthusiasm as they got to know it.

Today, things are better. Surveys of college students have shown that up to 40% of them have at least experimented with bondage, spanking, and other BDSM-related activities. Today, if you ask someone if you can tie them up during sex, or be tied up with them, you may get a no, but you're much less likely to get an "I'm shocked that you could even ask!" reaction. (Of course, you have a decent chance of getting an enthusiastic "Sure!" as well.)

Today, a large percentage of people understand that bondage, if done in a consensual erotic context and with reasonable safety, can add a rich dimension of erotic enjoyment to someone's sex life.

Given that reality, let's assume that you've asked the question and you've gotten a "Maybe. Tell me more about what you have in mind" reply. Well, what do you have in mind? If you want your partner to be happy with the outcome (and, by the way, also happy with you), here are some suggestions.