Article at-a-glance:

Bedtime for Toddlers

by Ellen Booth Church

"It is awfully hard to be b-b-b-b-brave, when you're only a Very Small Animal." said Piglet? A.A. Milne

Who is sitting in the chair? Gee, it's my teddy bear! What's that sound in the closet? Ah… it's just my wind-up car! Having fears, admitting and meeting them, and learning to overcome them are all essential parts of growing up. Unsurprisingly, these fears often arise in the dark at bedtime. You can support your child by listening to his fears, having patience with him, and choosing great books and activities to help him "meet and greet" his fears.

Do you remember having bedtime fears? Was it a monster under the bed or in the closet? Did you have to run and jump onto the bed so something didn't grab you along the way? Perhaps you had to be sure that you didn't dangle your hands or feet over the bed! How did you deal with your fears? How did your parents help you?

We lived in an old house with sloped ceilings and strange little closets. I was sure there was a green monster in my closet. Instead of dismissing my fear, my mother helped me deal with it by meeting it head on! We would go to the closet, open and close the door three times… saying "Hello" each time. It was hard at first, but before long it started to be fun (and even funny) to open and close the door saying hello to the monster! The "unknown" can be one of the greatest fears for young children. By facing the "unknown" in my closet, my mother showed me there was nothing to be scared of. We even gave the closet monster a name --"Figgy". I drew pictures of Figgy and left them as gifts. Eventually I outgrew my fear, and my need for the elaborate nightly ritual ended naturally.

Patience is key when dealing with bedtime fears. A fear that may seem silly to an adult can be very real to a child. Always validate your child's feelings and never negate his fears. This will open the door to discussion and transformation. The fact that my mother was willing to believe that my fear was real has always helped me to understand the fears of other children.

Books were an essential part of our bedtime ritual. One book my mother read me was Little Frightened Tiger by Margaret Wise Brown (Doubleday-1953). It felt so good to hear that I wasn't the only one with fears. Somehow learning that everyone has fears…particularly at night…helped me feel less alone and frightened. You can use books and creative play to help your child overcome his bedtime fears. Read on for some suggestions!

1. LISTEN AND TALK

Perhaps the first step is to listen to your child and to respect his fears. Try to get him to talk about them. Fears can grow when they are not examined and expressed. You can even share your own childhood fears. Your child may be surprised to hear that you, too, had fears at night. Sometimes the best way to get the conversation going is to ask your child to imagine he is a character in the book. How does he feel? What would HE do? Choose books that can get your child talking about his own bedtime monsters. Here are some great choices: "

Molly and the Night Monster by Chris Wormell. Sometimes the things that go "bump in the night" are not at all that we think they are!

Creepy Monsters, Sleepy Monsters by Jane Yolen, Kelly Murphy (Illustrator). What happens when it is time for two little monsters to go to bed? Read this funny and reassuring book to find out!

Go Away, Big Green Monster! By Ed Emberley. The die-cut art in this delightful book helps your child watch a monster grow and then he can make it disappear!

There's a Nightmare in My Closet and There's An Alligator Under My Bed by Mercer Mayer. Classic nighttime monster books from a beloved author and illustrator. They are playful tales that acknowledge the many types of "monsters" your child can imagine.

2. PRETEND AND PLAY

Your young child is at a stage of development where there is a delightful fine line between fantasy and reality. The process of taking an abstract fear and making it concrete through interaction helps your child feel in control of the fear. Sometimes the solution is as simple as making a "No Monsters Allowed" sign to put on the door; sometimes, pretend play can help. Interestingly, children often use superhero and monster play as a way to deal with their fears. They experiment with feelings of power by playing both roles -- the "bad," fearsome character and the conquering hero. It is important to remember that safe dramatic play is a good way for your child to "try on" these characteristics and work through fears. Puppets and dramatic play are great ways to do this. Try some of these wonderful materials to engage in dramatic play.

Make-Your-Own Monster Puppet -- a perfect art kit your child can use to create his own version of a monster and have it "speak" for itself! "

Leonardo the Terrible Monster Puppet -- an engaging stuffed toy to help your child make friends with a monster. Perhaps monsters are cuddlier and more lovable than they first appear! "

Webkinz Midnight Monster -- a goofy monster that likes to make kids laugh not cry. He makes a good nighttime protector for your child!

Monsters by Chicken Socks -- an unusual book that is a "body shop" for making fun monsters. Your child can create and re-create them because the parts are all interchangeable.

Through your supportive interactions, discussion, and play… your child will build the strong "voice" and self-confidence needed to deal with all the "monsters" of life!