Article at-a-glance:

Introducing New Baby

by Jen Klein

A new baby in the family rocks everyone's world. Not only do you as a parent have a new little person to get to know and care for, but there are also new relationships and the dynamics that go along with them. In particular, the new relationship between an older child and a new sibling is one to consider.

As much as you prepare for the new arrival with things such as clothing, a room, and equipment, try to also prepare your family emotionally for the changes that will most certainly occur. Your older child may be feeling particularly uncertain and concerned about the impact of this new person on his or her life - but may not have the ability to articulate exactly that. As a parent, it's up to you to help prepare your older child for a new sibling, and thereby help the whole family integrate with its most recent member.

What to Do Before the New Sibling Arrives

Introducing your child to a new brother or sister starts long before he or she actually arrives. Whether you are pregnant or adopting a child, you need to talk - age-appropriately - about the impending changes in your household. The new sibling should not be a surprise!

Depending on your child's age, developmental stage, and personality, they may exhibit a range of emotions, from excitement to apprehension to anger, and anything in-between - or possibly all of them in short order. This is a huge, uncertain change in your child's life, and feeling some anxiety is common. Don't discount it.

Take the time to set some expectations. Explain how the first days may be a little confused and busy while feeding schedules get established and family members stop by to visit. Let your child know what to expect in terms of Grandma coming to help care for him or her, or whatever plans you've made.

Plan some one-on-one memory making with your child before the new sibling arrives. Whether it's a special day out to an amusement park or to the pottery-painting studio, find a way to have some time to focus on just your older child - without any baby preparations.

If your child is feeling nervous about the baby taking over his or her toys or room, perhaps you can set aside a "no baby" area for a few special items.

Reassure your child again and again (and yet again) that although there will be a new child in the house, your love for him or her will not change. Explain that the new baby may demand time and attention, but you will still do your best to also pay attention to them, play games and read with them, and most importantly, that you will always love him or her.

What to Do When the New Sibling Arrives

When your new child arrives, whether at a hospital or by airplane, figuring out exactly how to introduce the two children can be a challenge. Should you be holding the baby? Should the baby be in a bassinet while you greet your older child? Should someone else be holding the baby? Do you really have to consider the physical layout of the room and arrange everybody along with who's holding whom?

This will really depend on your child. If your older child is a toddler, the bassinet might be a good idea. If your older child is, well, older, this may not make so much of a difference. But in spite of all your preparations, your older child still may push you aside and want to get a look at that baby; who was where just won't matter!

Consider purchasing a small gift in advance, to give to your older child from the new baby. It doesn't have to be extravagant; something age-appropriate that may help keep your child occupied in the coming busy days, such as a book, might be a good choice.

Again, reassure your older child about your unconditional love for him or her - and that you now have a new quality to love about him or her: that of an older sibling.

How to Handle the New Sibling's First Days and Weeks at Home

Introducing your child to a new sibling is more than, "Here's your new sister," and that's that. It's a process. The first meeting may go terrific - or not - but keep in mind that it's just a start to integrating your new child into family life. It takes time and patience for that integration to occur.

As much as possible, maintain a consistent routine for your older child: the same wake time, meal routines, play routines, and evening and bedtime routines help kids know what to expect. Even with the upheaval of a new sibling, being able to have a reasonable expectation of a day can be comforting to a child, and help keep emotions on track.

Even while the new sibling is making demands on your time, energy, and sleep, find ways to spend one-on-one time with your older child. If a story at bedtime has always been your special time together, do your level best to continue that tradition. Whatever it is, make sure you continue to spend those bits of time with your older child so he or she doesn't feel at all "replaced" in your attentions.

You can also integrate the lives of your children by finding ways to be together. Perhaps, when it's time to nurse the new baby, you can have your older child bring a book and that can be reading time. You'll be sitting in one place for 20 minutes or so anyway, and multi-tasking is a mom's way of life - make it count!

Find ways for your child to help with the new sibling. At diaper changing time, your older child can be responsible for pulling the wipes from the box - or for getting a favorite blanket at naptime.

The truth is, whatever the age, stage, and personality of your older child happen to be, a new sibling rocks his or her world. It's an uncertain, exhausting experience for everyone. Take the time to set expectations, make memories, maintain some structure, and integrate in little ways - and be certain to reassure, reassure, reassure. If you're lucky, you may even wonder what you were so worried about.