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Imaginary friends
Imaginary Friends!
"All our knowledge has its origin in our perceptions."
-Leonardo Da Vinci
Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? I did! It may be hard to believe, but I was a shy, quiet young child. In fact, during first grade they called me "Ellen Church Mouse." My imaginary friend (Toby) was always there for me when I did decide to actually speak to someone. I could always say things to her that I couldn't say to others. Luckily, my family was very supportive and understanding. I will never forget the day I was traveling in New York City with my mother. We jumped on a cross-town bus just as the driver closed the door and I immediately started to cry because my imaginary friend was left behind at the curb. My wonderful mother calmly asked the bus driver to open the door and he did! Without even realizing it at the time, I think I received the message that it's important to respect a child's imagination. To this day, this message has guided me in my work with children, families, and teachers.
It is not unusual for your young child to have an imaginary friend or a stuffed toy that he treats as a special pal and confidant. Young children often find it easier to share their thoughts and feelings with a special friend rather than with Mom, Dad, or teacher. There is a particular comfort and satisfaction in knowing that this companion is always there to listen without judgment and to offer just the right response!
Playmate, Protector, Friend
Imaginary friends can be your child's playmate, an alter ego, or a "protector." A special friend can help your child feel safe in new or challenging situations. Going off to daycare or to the "big" public school for the first time can be a time when a child chooses to bring an imaginary friend along for support. A special friend may appear during difficult times for the family or at a time when your child is working through some fears. Having a "giant" as a friend can be a wonderful comfort when a child feels lonely or small. But an imaginary friend does not have to come from a particular need. It can also arise from the rich inner life of your child's vivid imagination. Remember, this stage is totally age appropriate and temporary!
Fantasy-Reality?
In the preschool and kindergarten years children begin to know the difference between fantasy and reality, but often feel they don't have to pay much attention to it! In this stage there is a deliciously permeable border between fantasy and reality, which allows your child to experiment with roles, fears, and ideas as he engages in the important inner work of making sense of the "real" world. Don't worry if he makes up wild stories - these can lead to wonderful creative writing as he grows. He is not only working through his thoughts and feelings, but also building language and literacy skills. He might even be so creative that he blames a problem on his imaginary friend. If so, speak to the imaginary friend about the problem just as you might to your child. Your youngster will appreciate you for "going along" with the fantasy, and you still get to say what is or is NOT acceptable behavior in your family.
Believe!
One of the greatest gifts you can give your young child is your belief in his imaginary friend. There is plenty of time for "reality" in the coming years. Let's protect this delightful period of life that is so rich with imaginative thought and language. It can be a delicate dance between showing your interest in the friend and asking too many questions! The best rule of thumb is to wait until your child tells you something about his friend before asking questions or engaging in conversation. For example, your child might say that his friend went with him to kindergarten today. Then you can ask about what they did together. You could also invite him to draw a picture of what they did. Interestingly, sometimes a child will tell you more about what happened at school this way than if you ask about what HE did today. When you accept your child's fantasy you are building his self-esteem and supporting his rich inner life of emotional and creative expression. These are essential social and emotional skills that will support all his academic learning in the years ahead.
Listen!
Your child's conversations about and with his imaginary friend can provide you with a useful window into his own questions, fears, or interests. Often what your child is saying to his friend (or how he is speaking for him) can tell you a great deal about his emotions. Act like you believe in the imaginary friend and listen carefully - you may gain some important insights into your child's world.
Support Your Child's Imaginary Life
Books, journals, and toys can invite your child to explore his creative imagination and to express himself. Here are a few items that you can offer your child.
Books: Perhaps the best way you can support your child's inner life is to read stories about other imaginary friends!
-Leonardo Da Vinci
Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? I did! It may be hard to believe, but I was a shy, quiet young child. In fact, during first grade they called me "Ellen Church Mouse." My imaginary friend (Toby) was always there for me when I did decide to actually speak to someone. I could always say things to her that I couldn't say to others. Luckily, my family was very supportive and understanding. I will never forget the day I was traveling in New York City with my mother. We jumped on a cross-town bus just as the driver closed the door and I immediately started to cry because my imaginary friend was left behind at the curb. My wonderful mother calmly asked the bus driver to open the door and he did! Without even realizing it at the time, I think I received the message that it's important to respect a child's imagination. To this day, this message has guided me in my work with children, families, and teachers.
It is not unusual for your young child to have an imaginary friend or a stuffed toy that he treats as a special pal and confidant. Young children often find it easier to share their thoughts and feelings with a special friend rather than with Mom, Dad, or teacher. There is a particular comfort and satisfaction in knowing that this companion is always there to listen without judgment and to offer just the right response!
Playmate, Protector, Friend
Imaginary friends can be your child's playmate, an alter ego, or a "protector." A special friend can help your child feel safe in new or challenging situations. Going off to daycare or to the "big" public school for the first time can be a time when a child chooses to bring an imaginary friend along for support. A special friend may appear during difficult times for the family or at a time when your child is working through some fears. Having a "giant" as a friend can be a wonderful comfort when a child feels lonely or small. But an imaginary friend does not have to come from a particular need. It can also arise from the rich inner life of your child's vivid imagination. Remember, this stage is totally age appropriate and temporary!
Fantasy-Reality?
In the preschool and kindergarten years children begin to know the difference between fantasy and reality, but often feel they don't have to pay much attention to it! In this stage there is a deliciously permeable border between fantasy and reality, which allows your child to experiment with roles, fears, and ideas as he engages in the important inner work of making sense of the "real" world. Don't worry if he makes up wild stories - these can lead to wonderful creative writing as he grows. He is not only working through his thoughts and feelings, but also building language and literacy skills. He might even be so creative that he blames a problem on his imaginary friend. If so, speak to the imaginary friend about the problem just as you might to your child. Your youngster will appreciate you for "going along" with the fantasy, and you still get to say what is or is NOT acceptable behavior in your family.
Believe!
One of the greatest gifts you can give your young child is your belief in his imaginary friend. There is plenty of time for "reality" in the coming years. Let's protect this delightful period of life that is so rich with imaginative thought and language. It can be a delicate dance between showing your interest in the friend and asking too many questions! The best rule of thumb is to wait until your child tells you something about his friend before asking questions or engaging in conversation. For example, your child might say that his friend went with him to kindergarten today. Then you can ask about what they did together. You could also invite him to draw a picture of what they did. Interestingly, sometimes a child will tell you more about what happened at school this way than if you ask about what HE did today. When you accept your child's fantasy you are building his self-esteem and supporting his rich inner life of emotional and creative expression. These are essential social and emotional skills that will support all his academic learning in the years ahead.
Listen!
Your child's conversations about and with his imaginary friend can provide you with a useful window into his own questions, fears, or interests. Often what your child is saying to his friend (or how he is speaking for him) can tell you a great deal about his emotions. Act like you believe in the imaginary friend and listen carefully - you may gain some important insights into your child's world.
Support Your Child's Imaginary Life
Books, journals, and toys can invite your child to explore his creative imagination and to express himself. Here are a few items that you can offer your child.
Books: Perhaps the best way you can support your child's inner life is to read stories about other imaginary friends!
- Jessica by: Kevin Henkes, Kevin Henkes
- Pingo by: Brandon Mull, Brandon Dorman
- Emma Kate by: Patricia Polacco
- Clara and Asha by: Eric Rohmann
- My Pretty Pink Fairy Journal by: Meg Clibbon
- My Wicked Pirate Journal by: Meg Clibbon
- Save the Blue by: Todd Parr
- Pink on Earth Todd Parr Journal
- Sunburst Lil Nursery by: Pacific Play Tents
- Playchute Parachute 10ft. by: Pacific Play Tents
- Take & Go Recycled Cardboard Dollhouse by: Hip From Holland for Kidsonroof
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Meet Our Expert
Ellen Booth Church
Early Childhood Consultant
Early Childhood Consultant
Well-known early childhood educator, Ellen Booth Church spent several years as both a pre-k and kindergarten teacher before becoming an early childhood assistant professor at the State University of New York at New Paltz. She is currently an educational consultant, keynote speaker, curriculum/product developer, and writer, dedicated to enriching the lives of young children and their families. In addition, Ellen is a columnist for Scholastic's Parent and Child magazine as well as the author of many books for teachers and parents. In the world of Children's Television, Ellen has consulted for PBS, Nelvana, and Cartoon Network on a wide variety of projects.
You can find out more on Ellen Booth Church's website.
You can find out more on Ellen Booth Church's website.
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