10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents

10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents

2.4 32
by Carma Chan
     
 

On May 4th, 1992, Carma finally got to take her baby home after 73 days on an emotional roller coaster in a place that felt like science fiction. Surrounded by a sea of babies, most of them weighing under 2 pounds (1 kilogram), kept alive through surgeries, daily being needled, tubed, taped and treated in ways no parent wants their baby to experience (though it's

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Overview

On May 4th, 1992, Carma finally got to take her baby home after 73 days on an emotional roller coaster in a place that felt like science fiction. Surrounded by a sea of babies, most of them weighing under 2 pounds (1 kilogram), kept alive through surgeries, daily being needled, tubed, taped and treated in ways no parent wants their baby to experience (though it's life-saving). She felt as though they had come home from combat. A local support group for NICU families helped and she volunteered to become their newsletter editor.

This article was written to inform nurses, social workers, clergy, family, friends, and co-workers of new parents whose infant must stay in a Newborn Intensive Care Unit . The platitudes most frequently offered to console or bolster parents are not helpful, but most NICU parents are in too much shock and upset to know what to say or do, so these unsuccessful attempts to be helpful are usually politely dismissed. Then later, the parents vent where it is safe, in a room alone with other NICU parents who are grieving--numb, scared out of their wits, horrified, deeply disturbed, anxious, angry and maybe even outraged and rightfully so. They did everything right, everything the doctor ordered, and are suspected of not taking precautions during pregnancy, or at least they feel guilty and lost. The best thing to do is listen. This article is a composite of parents' comments, not merely the author's experience.

Warning: Readers who have experienced a miscarriage, traumatic childbirth or NICU incident may be triggered by this article.

Carma's 2-pounder thrived thanks to her dedication and the experts. He is now an AP Scholar attending college in Los Angeles, and wants to become a Cinematographer. As a backup plan, he is also majoring in Accounting to become a CPA.

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
2940011138836
Publisher:
Carma Chan
Publication date:
11/23/2010
Sold by:
Smashwords
Format:
NOOK Book
File size:
74 KB
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

Carma Chan was born as Carma Yvonne Dillon in Los Angeles, 1958. She is the fifth of eight children raised by Ruth and John Chan. Formally trained as a screenwriter by UCLA Professor Richard Walter, the following is his letter of recommendation verbatim: To Whom It May Concern: I've known Carma for five years, first as my student in an off-campus screenwriting seminar, and then in my UCLA Summer Session course in advanced screenwriting. She started working on her remarkable SAARDU quite some years ago, and surely would have finished it sooner if she had not put the care and nurturing of a special-needs child ahead of her ambitions as a writer. Carma demonstrates politeness and humility, and an exceptional dedication and passion for mastering her art and craft. I found her first draft of SAARDU to be original, fresh, and highly marketable. I gave her notes on the script; she accepted constructive analysis with an open heart and mind. Working with Carma is a joy. She strives always to do her best, yet with a lightheartedness that is contagious. She is gracious and patient and honorable in every way. She has a deep love for storytelling. With her vivid imagination and love for life, she is capable of writing anything she puts her mind and heart to. She has written several screenplays, all of them worthy. SAARDU is, however, in my view the most special among her stories. SAARDU represents one piece of a vast new myth. It involved challenging choices regarding structure and other screenwriting issues. Through perseverance and diligence she solved all of them. This script is no small achievement. It is worthy of consideration at the highest levels of the industry. It has been an honor and enchantment to have come to know Carma and to have been able to support her in the creation of SAARDU. SAARDU is a story of relationships and identity. These are very same themes that lie at the heart of worthwhile dramatic narratives going all the way back to the ancient Greek masters. SAARDU is another world, in another time, but it is also a reflection of us, here and now. Ruby, the unlikely hero, is endearing and I found myself cheering for her at the turn of every page. Carma has created several strong characters to challenge and guide Ruby. I promise you'll agree that Carma is a writer worth reading. Cordially, Prof. Richard Walter UCLA Screenwriting Chairman October 2009 http://www.tft.ucla.edu/2011/09/faculty-richard-walter

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10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents 2.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 32 reviews.
saardulady More than 1 year ago
No apologies necessary on this. As the author states, it does not reflect every individual's experience. It is truly a composition of reactions shared in a support group, these are expressions of grief, and typical of horror and trauma, the world does not want to hear it. Nonetheless, these reactions are real and I have heard many parents say they never want to go back there again. This is not to say that the NICU is a horrible place, period, and the person who commented such is having a knee-jerk reaction. Yes, it's an amazing thing they do. It is always a horrible place to be, especially when you are there 18 hours a day, 73 days in a row, and you watch babies die and families suffer. It is a traumatic event. If you want to know how to help people get over trauma, learn to listen without judgment.
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Not too bad
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