101 Damnations: The Humorists' Tour of Personal Hells [NOOK Book]

Overview


Dear flappable reader:
Do you bristle at a handshake that resembles a limp fish? Do oblivious pedestrians bring you to the brink? What about museum gift shops, superfluous courtesy (do we need a gas pump to show us gratitude?), behemoth SUVS, or inexplicable operating manuals? Have you had it with screeching leaf blowers, beseeching telemarketers, escalating movie-ticket prices, or proliferating celebrity magazines? Is it children's choirs or karaoke singers, waiters bearing ...
See more details below
101 Damnations: The Humorists' Tour of Personal Hells

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook - First Edition)
$7.99
BN.com price

Overview


Dear flappable reader:
Do you bristle at a handshake that resembles a limp fish? Do oblivious pedestrians bring you to the brink? What about museum gift shops, superfluous courtesy (do we need a gas pump to show us gratitude?), behemoth SUVS, or inexplicable operating manuals? Have you had it with screeching leaf blowers, beseeching telemarketers, escalating movie-ticket prices, or proliferating celebrity magazines? Is it children's choirs or karaoke singers, waiters bearing pepper grinders or dinner guests blathering on about salt, that drives you to distraction?

For anyone who has recognized that this peaceful kingdom of ours has more than a few potholes, 101 Damnations is the perfect companion. It's your ticket to the nine circles of personal hell.

Armed with wit, bewilderment, and words to the wise ass, today's leading humorists conduct a brief tour of the trivial and often universal exasperations we all must endure. Among the damning, Henry Alford reveals our wanton desire to affect Britishisms. Sandra Tsing Loh has it in for people who forward "funny" e-mails. Once and for all, Merrill Markoe sets forth cell phone etiquette. And there are many, many others. Ninety-eight to be exact. Make yourself comfortable. Misery loves company.

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781429979917
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 8/3/2002
  • Sold by: Macmillan
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 368
  • Sales rank: 575,259
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author


Michael J. Rosen is the author, illustrator, or editor of something like fifty books for both adults and children, including the biennial humor series, Mirth of a Nation.
Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt


101 Damnations: The Humorists' Tour of Personal Hells
Circle 1THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INVENTIONSNew Items in the Devil's Workshop1A Damnation, Directed Toward TelemarketersTim Carvell 
 
 
 
Let us imagine a domestic scene. A husband--whom we shall refer to, for purposes of speed and dramatic clarity, as Husband--is addressing his wife, Wife. "I've been thinking," he says, "and I feel like we really ought to switch our long-distance service. I'm certain that there must be a cheaper alternative out there.""Yes," Wife replies. "If only we knew where to find one! If only there were some way for us to learn about the range of long-distance providers, and their charges for various services!"There is an awkward pause. Then the telephone rings. Husband scrambles for the receiver, but Wife beats him to it."Yes?" she says. "Why, what an odd coincidence, we are interested in--you don't say! You don't say! You don't say! Gracious, we'd be delighted to switch to your fine, fine long-distance service."We shall have to content ourselves with imagining such a scene--a moment when a telemarketer calls at exactly theright time, offering precisely what one needs--since, reaching back to the dawn of humankind, such a moment has never ever taken place. No, the history of telemarketing has been an ignominious one, consisting, I am positive, entirely of summoning individuals from their beds and showers and forcing them to aver their lack of interest in magazine subscriptions, timeshare condominiums, or term life insurance.I am not certain at what moment in the telephone's history it went from being a tool of communication to being an implement of annoyance, but the two seem so inextricably linked that I would not be surprised to learn that they were born, like a pair of Siamese twins, in the same damp instant. I harbor a dreadful suspicion that the telephone companies--all too aware of the bad reputation that the speed-dialing sell-weasels of the telemarketing conglomerates have given them--have heavily edited Alexander Graham Bell's first telephone call, which originally went, "Watson, come here, I need you to consider what would happen to your loved ones if any mishap were ever to befall you. For just ten dollars a month, Watson, you can purchase peace of mind."I have employed various means of coping with telemarketers, which tend to track nicely with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief: anger ("How dare you call me at home?"), denial ("Please take me off your list at once"), bargaining ("If I buy something from you, will you leave me alone?"), and depression ("You're the only person who'scalled me all week."). I have now arrived at the logical end point: acceptance.By "acceptance," I do not wish to imply that I am no longer irritated by telemarketers and their nefarious schemes. Nor do I mean to imply that I don't spend my idle time fantasizing about getting my hands on the home telephone numbers of various telemarketing companies' CEOs and calling them at all hours to regale them with tales of my personal life. By "acceptance," I simply mean to suggest that I have ceased to fight the incursions of telemarketers upon my life; I now choose to view them as one of the many irritating yet irreducible facts of being alive--like sore throats and sunburns, measles and Miss Marisa Tomei--which have no redeeming grace save for one: they soften and sweeten the knowledge, ever present if rarely acknowledged, that one's days lead softly, inexorably to the endless silence of death. 
 
TIM CARVELL is a writer and editor based in New York City.101 DAMNATIONS. Introduction and compilation are copyright © 2002 by Michael J. Rosen. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously

    If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
    Why is this product inappropriate?
    Comments (optional)