101 Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Real Couples Share the Keys to Their Success

by Thomas Nelson

Overview

What can happy couples tell you about having a happy marriage? A lot!

It’s no secret that having a happy marriage doesn’t happenall by itself. But there are secrets that help make marriage the best it canbe. Whether a newlywed or married for years, maintaining open communication takesthought, effort, and prayer! 

101 Secrets to a HappyMarriage provides words of wisdom and anecdotes from eighty-seven coupleswho speak from real-life experience—ranging three to fifty years—for anyone whoneeds encouragement and proven advice to create a fulfilling and joyfulmarriage. Included are doses of humor and food for thought from bestsellingauthor Harry Harrison for fostering love, peace, and harmony every day for therest of your married life. 

HarryH. Harrison, Jr. isa nationally acclaimed author appearing on the NY Times and Booksense lists. He has over 3.6 million books inprint featuring titles such as Father toSon, Father to Daughter, 1001 Things Happy Couples Know about Marriage, andmore. He and his wife, Melissa, have been married 43 years

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780718038762
Publisher:	HarperCollins Christian Publishing
Publication date:	12/19/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	127
File size:	711 KB

Read an Excerpt

101 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Real Couples Share the Keys to Their Success

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By Harry Harrison

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2014 Thomas Nelson
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7180-3876-2

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CHAPTER 1

1. Always treat your partner with the utmost respect and love, the exact same way you would want to be treated by him or her.

—Charla & David Bennett, married 21 years

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2. Before we were even married, we had discussed expectations, roles, convictions, money-handling principles, and child rearing. The communication that initiated our relationship has marked our entire marriage. We continue to make time to have heart-to-heart talks and pray together.

—Paul & Holly Brown, married 5 years

3. Dr. Leslie Parrott says that until we are willing to do the hard work of becoming whole on our own, all our relationships will fall disappointingly flat. By allowing Christ to meet my emotional and spiritual needs, I have found inner peace and lasting joy that spills over into my marriage. Before I learned this nugget of wisdom, I wasted much energy on trying to get my husband to meet those needs, and you know what? It didn't work! I have learned to be intentional about the care of my body, mind, and spirit and have found that when I am whole, then my marriage is a blessing and a witness to those who are able to see what God can do in a marriage.

—Kolinda & Thomas Duer, married 27 years

* * *

4. The most important lessons I have learned are "choosing to constantly forgive" and "accepting my husband for who he is." Let go of all expectations and idealism and create together what only the two of you can—a wonderful life story that no one can re-create. Pray for each other and appreciate your differences. Have plenty of adventurous morning, afternoon, or evening dates. Keep sexual intimacy interesting and spontaneous.

—Bergeman & Guirlene Jean, married 7 years

5. Four important words: You may be right ...

—Beth & Kirk Pulley, married 5 years

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6. Kiss each other. Pick your battles. Remain committed. Cherish each day God gives you. Dance with happy feet. Encourage each other. Lavish each other with goodness. Honor each other. Remind your spouse how important he or she is to you. Journey through your married life as players on the same team. Never use the D word! Pursue each other passionately. Be self-sacrificing. Tell the truth always! Be understanding. Keep your marriage vows. Watch your words. Examine your motives when placing expectations on the other.

—Krystal & Bob Marusin, married 22 years

7. Prayer is the best way we have found to soften our hearts toward each other and to remain a unified team. We have set aside time once a week to get up early and pray. Often, when we begin, my heart is a bit hardened toward something or toward my husband. But by the end of prayer time, the Holy Spirit has entered and transformed that space. Not only does He take that hardness away, He draws us closer to each other. I am still surprised by it, though it happens without fail.

—Krista & Erik Gilbert, married 19 years

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8. Decide early on that it is okay to disagree. When you discuss things, you will disagree, and that's okay. What's most important is that you remember how much you love each other, regardless of what you're discussing or disagreeing about.

—Richard & Stela Heuschkel, married 18 years

9. I think it's vital to choose the most important qualities (kindness, humor, a love of art/music) and then focus on those qualities when the other person seems like an alien creature (my unwillingness to drive freeways in the rain, his reluctance to throw away that unusable sliver of soap). Marriage is not about weird habits, food, sex, money, or which side we take regarding the death penalty. My husband is my biggest fan, and I'm his. We show true interest in each other's lives. He is the person I'm most loyal to, and the person I want to see first thing in the morning and last thing at night. His hand is the warmest and safest, and the only one I want to hold.

— Rusty & Tony Harris, married 22 years

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10. We are all imperfect, so when you fight, fight productively. Don't let drama into a difficult discussion. Stick with what has really upset you, and think before you speak. Remember that the enemy's goal is to cause separation; don't let him in! God gave you your spouse to love no matter what. You can work through anything—yes, anything!

—Eric & Jill Slusher, married 10 years

11. The secret to my happy marriage has been the fact that my husband and I always have each other's backs. Whether or not I agree with him or he with me, we stand united, especially in public, and then work out any differences or disagreements behind closed doors. That unconditional support is needed in a marriage for success and happiness.

—Joy Hill-Padilla & Joe Padilla, married 14 years

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12. If you guard your heart and marriage from any one thing, let it be pride.

Pride is a wall that blocks intimacy with God and each other. If left unchecked, the poison of pride will leave both spouses out in the cold to fend for themselves against attacks from the enemy and hardship. However, if we fix our eyes on Jesus we see the ultimate example of love through humility. Jesus was God, but still He humbled himself ... even to death on a cross—because He loves us. (Philippians 2) Humility disarms tension, deflates the self, removes the unhealthy sense of self-portance, and places our primary concern on the other person. Humility reminds us that we desperately need grace, mercy, and forgiveness—and once we've truly experienced these, how can we not give them freely to each other?

By choosing humility, you choose love.

—Ryan & Selena Frederick, FierceMarriage.com, married 12 years

13. It took a while, but finally I moved past the idea that you don't have to do things a particular way just because your folks, friends, or siblings do it that way. You have to make choices that work best for you as a couple. For example, I have a bigger chunk of time to tackle laundry and housework, so I don't expect my husband to do those things. We do our finances differently than others. We have a joint account we use for "big" things, in addition to our own separate accounts. We have had very few arguments about money in the last sixteen years together. I think people get caught up in how they think marriage should be, instead of focusing on what actually works best for the people involved.

—Keela & Michael Bryant, married 14 years

14. Be willing to support your spouse's dreams no matter how impossible they may seem. As companions and partners in life, we are not only called to love and respect our spouses, but also to allow them to become all that God wants them to be. If you support your spouse's dream and it fails, love your partner through the pain and disappointment. If you support them and the dream succeeds, take part in that joy. In marriage, you share everything. His/her triumphs are also yours.

Michelle & Joseph Lazurek, married 14 years

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15. When Jake and I were going through marriage prep, our priest, Father Fillman, advised us to share a meal together daily. Jake and I sit down and eat supper together every night. This week, that has meant supper at the field as they are taking off wheat. (The kids think picnics at the field are fun.) Some days it is the only time we are able to sit and talk. Of course the kids are there too. It allows us to pray, eat, and catch up on our busy and sometimes crazy lives. Our meals create time to communicate with one another. Plus I'm a great cook!

Jodi & Jake Griffith, married 8 years

16. Fifteen years ago we took a premarriage course through our church. One of the pearls of wisdom that we gleaned was to develop a silly catchphrase that would allow a "time-out" of sorts during heated arguments. We did, and it worked! It still works to immediately defuse an intense discussion to this day! And, oh, how we laugh when we throw that phrase out. Instantly we are reminded of why we love each other. We are reminded that winning isn't the endgame. We are reminded that there is grace.

Laughing all the way ...

—Mark & Missy Pettigrew, married 14 years 25

17. As a young bride, I was disappointed when the effort of keeping the flame burning seemed to wane with the pressures of everyday life. My husband spent sixty hours every week providing a nice lifestyle, yet I became disillusioned with marriage. I watched many chick flicks and read romance books with fairy tale endings. My actions and expectations were not realistic for everyday life. I now term those days my "season of discontent." My husband could not possibly measure up to the men I was watching or reading about. I learned that the more we keep our minds in the world, the unhappier we will be and the easier it will be for Satan to convince us to give up.

I have been with my husband more than half my life now, and the seasons of discontent have become fewer and fewer. Growing spiritually and making a determined effort to stop comparing our marriage to the world's standards have been crucial elements in finding happiness. The evolution of our marriage now involves aging, more peace, intimacy, friendship, and common ground. We find ourselves enjoying long conversations about the Lord. If there is a void in either of our lives, we pray. There is no perfect person and no one on earth can be everything and all to us like Jesus can. Choose to weather all the seasons of discontent without using the world's measuring stick, and by doing so you will have no seasons of regrets.

—Melanie Davis Porter & Gailen Porter, married 28 years

18. We believe a vital key to a happy marriage is to keep things simple between each other. Here are some of those simple things:

• Hold hands whenever you are out in public.

• Kiss and hug—when you wake each morning, when you see each other after being apart, and at the end of the day.

• Laugh, joke, and play with each other.

• Never say words that will intentionally hurt.

• Always desire the best for your partner and encourage him or her to success.

—Marck & Terri Powers, married 5 years

19. We do what we call "emptying our baskets." At the end of each week, we unload everything that's happened to us throughout the week. By doing this, we make sure we aren't drifting away from each other but are in tune with each other's wants/needs/desires and know what's been stressing us out. It's our way to be more a part of each other's lives.

—Chase & Jami Manning, married 9 years

* * *

20. Never judge your marriage by the standards of someone else's. And pray you never want a divorce at the same time.

—Heather & Paul Skelton, married 17 years

21. We have both learned that you cannot afford the luxury of taking yourself too seriously. Life is made up of nothing but ups and downs. The key is realizing that the down times will turn around and the up times will stop. So it's important not to be all about yourself.

Whatever happens, be sure to put your spouse first. Make sure you're all there—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—no matter what. Give your total and complete attention to your spouse and the situation at hand. Take time for each other. Make time for each other. Spend time with each other. Then simply ask, "What can I do to make your life better at this time? What is there that I can do to help you right now?"

Then there's the obvious: "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1). Nothing, I mean nothing, can or ever should take God's place in your marriage!

—Kevin & Cindy Gephart, married 39 years

22. My mother told me something early in my marriage I'll never forget. She said, "Trust me when I tell you that love changes. I don't feel the same way about your father as I did when I first met him; it's different and it's better." After twenty-one years of marriage, I finally understand what she meant.

For couples, love begins with intoxicating intensity. All you want to do is be together—nothing else in the world matters. Over time, that intensity diminishes, not because you love each other less, but because the force by which love takes flight cannot be sustained. It reaches cruising speed. Sadly, this is when many people give up. They say things like, "We've grown apart" and "We're both very different people." They begin to mourn what is "lost." They may even find someone else who'll give back to them the high only newness can give.

Oh, the beauty we miss when we pull the roots before they have a chance to take hold. It's astonishing, really. As powerful and indestructible as love is, we have the capacity to alter its course. Had my wife and I allowed ourselves to drift apart, we would have forfeited the joy of our daughters, countless moments together would have never taken place, deep connections with family would have never been known, and the joys and sorrows of life would have never been shared. God's gifts would have been sent back unopened, "return to sender."

Mom told me to stay—don't walk out during the opening scenes. You might miss a beautiful story, so be patient and watch what love will do.

As usual, Mom was right.

—Curt & Polly Harding, married 21 years

* * *

23. A strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on the days it's a struggle to like each other.

—Bobby Jo & Scott Kirby, married 10 years

* * *

24. After twenty-three years of marriage, I believe the following to be true:

• I must be careful with my words because while they may be forgiven, they are rarely forgotten.

• My husband does not intuitively know what I want; sometimes I have to tell him.

• Being right isn't so important in the long run.

• You cannot change someone else, but you can change how you react to someone.

• A small kindness goes a long way.

• Not every grievance needs to be discussed. Little things are indeed little.

• The man I married so long ago is the same man I live with today; he will not ever magically transform into Super Hubby, and I can't expect him to.

—Tracy & Steve Line, married 23 years

25. My marriage advice: communicate honestly about all your thoughts and feelings. Always. Don't hold things inside. But while communicating, do it in a way that protects your partner's heart and shows him or her respect. We often feel that our spouse is a good person to unload onto, and we are not careful of their feelings because we think, this is how I'm feeling right now and they are supposed to love me no matter what. In actuality, your spouse is the person whose heart you need to protect the most because you two are in your marriage together for a long time.

—Jen Bishop Brockett & Scott Brockett, married 9 years

26. Within the first year of our marriage, my husband and I moved over 2,500 miles away from the place I had lived my entire life. Less than four years later, we made another journey across the country. Each time we packed our belongings and left behind the town where we had developed roots, we were faced with new challenges.

Over time, we saw that the struggles we were facing were temporary. We realized that God was using each trial to build character and strengthen our faith. With eternal perspective, we knew that each season of our lives, whether joyful or difficult, was part of a larger story God had painted before we ever met. Each stroke became part of the masterpiece—not because of our own ability to create fine works of art, but because God was the painter.

Once we focused on the bigger picture, we were able to face difficulties with a newfound vigor. We knew that no matter what we faced, if we put our trust in God and His provision, He would meet us. We discovered with each twist and turn in our journey that a happy marriage was not something we would simply find. It was a commitment we had to work on each day of our lives.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from 101 Secrets to a Happy Marriage by Harry Harrison. Copyright © 2014 Thomas Nelson. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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