101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last [NOOK Book]

Overview

With the divorce rate soaring at a dizzying 60 percent, young couples and experienced partners may lack the skills and understanding to sustain a committed relationship. Linda and Charlie Bloom present 101 nuggets of wisdom that deliver practical guidance and make it clear that regardless of past experience anyone can develop the basic strengths, skills, and capacities needed for a great relationship. Each lesson is presented as a simple, one-sentence thought followed by an explanation using real-life examples. ...
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101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

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Overview

With the divorce rate soaring at a dizzying 60 percent, young couples and experienced partners may lack the skills and understanding to sustain a committed relationship. Linda and Charlie Bloom present 101 nuggets of wisdom that deliver practical guidance and make it clear that regardless of past experience anyone can develop the basic strengths, skills, and capacities needed for a great relationship. Each lesson is presented as a simple, one-sentence thought followed by an explanation using real-life examples. This book demonstrates how couples can enrich their own relationships by working through love's challenges.
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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Marriage counselors and first-time authors, the Blooms nearly called their union quits in 1987; their anecdotes reflect the "acceptance, gratitude, and appreciation" that they employed to save it. Some of these honest, candid stories (many from the authors) are more illustrative than others, but most vividly demonstrate that successful relationships require effort. One such story, "Commitment Isn't a Prison," ponders the blessings of loving, supportive spouses. Another, "It's Not What You've Got; It's What You Do with It," describes how Bubba, despite being "short, homely, chubby, and bald," receives his heart's deepest desire in a sweet marriage. Other stories address friends, ultimatums, and irreconcilable viewpoints, all with the intent of heading off problems rather than fixing them. For libraries needing to replace worn-out warm-fuzzies like Cheryl Richardson's Life Makeovers. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781577313458
  • Publisher: New World Library
  • Publication date: 9/24/2010
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 228,086
  • File size: 288 KB

Meet the Author

Charlie and Linda Bloom are both psychotherapists with more than fifty-five years of combined experience in relationship counseling. Both have taught at various psychotherapy training facilities, including the Esalen Institute, Omega Institute, The California Institute for Integral Studies, The Institute for Transpersonal Psychology, JFK University, and University of California-Berkeley. In 1987 they founded the Empowerment Network, an organization offering seminars to individuals and couples on improving relationships. They currently offer fifty different workshops on various relationship issues and their work has improved the lives of thousands of people around the world. In spite of their professional success, Charlie and Linda both agree that their greatest achievement has been a fulfilling marriage of thirty-one years. The Blooms live in Northern California and their website is bloomwork.com.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xv
Foreword xvii
Introduction xix
1. Great relationships don't just happen; they are created 3
2. Vulnerability is disarming 5
3. If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither 7
4. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness 9
5. There's a difference between judging and being judgmental 12
6. It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time 15
7. When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information 17
8. The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree 19
9. Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom 21
10. It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding 23
11. If you choose monogamy, keep your agreement 25
12. It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it 28
13. Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters 30
14. Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children 33
15. If you think you're too good for your partner, think again 36
16. Growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one 38
17. It's never too late to repair damaged trust 40
18. Secrets are lies 43
19. Sex can improve with age 45
20. If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast 47
21. If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together 50
22. Marriage is like yoga 53
23. The prince isn't going to come 56
24. Getting help when you are unable to work things out isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence 58
25. One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs 60
26. Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage 63
27. True intimacy can exist only between equals 66
28. The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about 70
29. Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring 72
30. Expectations set us up for resentment 74
31. Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can 76
32. One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention 78
33. Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person 81
34. Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself 84
35. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it 87
36. Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences 90
37. Your opinion is not the truth 93
38. Vacations are necessities, not luxuries 96
39. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy 99
40. Ultimatums and threats do more harm than good 102
41. Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want 105
42. Give what you want to receive 107
43. Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse 110
44. If you think, "You're not the person I married," you're probably right 113
45. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points 116
46. What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself 118
47. Your partner is your teacher and your student 120
48. Commitment is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process 124
49. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships 127
50. If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be 129
51. Marriage isn't 50/50; it's 100/100 131
52. Trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work 134
53. You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, the more penalties and interest you accrue 136
54. The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner isn't so cheap 139
55. Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up 142
56. Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps 144
57. Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a process 146
58. Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love 149
59. If you find out what your partner wants and help them get it, you'll both be happier 153
60. Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its challenges does 156
61. Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should 159
62. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight 161
63. Being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does 163
64. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than what you experienced in the past 165
65. In order for it to thrive, love requires separateness as well as togetherness 167
66. We all have a terminal diagnosis 169
67. Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself 172
68. Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself 174
69. You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs on the job 176
70. Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will 179
71. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love 182
72. Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it 184
73. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming 187
74. Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them 189
75. Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength 193
76. Of all of the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person 195
77. If your partner thinks something is important, it is! 197
78. Marriages never outgrow the need for romance 199
79. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary 203
80. There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon 206
81. There's a difference between sex and intimacy 209
82. It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong 212
83. The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop 215
84. Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresolved differences 217
85. The biggest risk is in not risking 219
86. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce 221
87. Forgiveness is its own reward 223
88. Revenge is its own punishment 225
89. When two hearts are connected, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable 227
90. Constructive criticism generally isn't 230
91. The capacity to feel joy grows in proportion to the capacity to experience pain 232
92. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening 234
93. External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones 238
94. One of the greatest questions you can ask your partner is, "How may I best love you?" 240
95. There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours 242
96. A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the best therapy 244
97. Just keep talkin' 246
98. Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them 248
99. Marriages can stay fresh over time 250
100. Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing 252
101. The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine 254
About the Authors 257
Contact Us 259
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
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Sort by: Showing all of 7 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 19, 2004

    Don't let the title fool you...

    This book gives us simple straight forward strategies for building the kind of intimate relationship most of us can only imagine - regardless of whether or not you are in a traditional marriage, living together, straight or gay. Imagine a relationship in which you can be yourself... a partnership in which you can speak your truth without causing harm...imagine sharing a level of intimacy that allows you to grow in love - for yourself, for your partner, for your world. A relationship that actually raises you and your partner to a higher level of counsciousness. There is no psycho-babble or magic bullet in this book - rather Linda and Charlie Bloom give us concrete examples of how to do partnership better. They present us with ways to share, show us how to increase trust, how to lean into each others differences, how to disagree without leaving each other bloody. These examples, while simple, are often not easy. It becomes clear that improving a relationship requires both commitment and work. By sharing their personal relationship issues, as well as their clients', we can see that the Blooms have practiced what they preach - so we don't ever feel like we're being lectured - it becomes more a case of -- look, we made these mistakes and we'd like to offer you some ways to do it better. Linda and Charlie Bloom have raised the bar on the concept of what a marriage can be - but in their book they've given us the tools to help us begin to up-level our most intimate relationship and turn it into the kind of partnership that most of us deeply desire.

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 19, 2012

    Before I bought this book, I believed I was marrying the wrong m

    Before I bought this book, I believed I was marrying the wrong man. We argued all the time, blow out fights were our middle names.
    This book has completely changed my mind by with the short relatable lessons it provides. I now understand that not only am I marrying the right man, but we both have the power an ability to create a long lasting, loving and respectful relationship, flaws and all. We will still argue, but now, we're strapped with the tools and knowledge to react differently. GREAT book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 24, 2007

    Excellent book for any couple

    This is an amazing book for any type of marrige. I love the fact that every chapter is short making it great for quick reference. It's written to make anyone feel like it's written about them. It's really helped me understand and appreciate my marriage. I would suggest this book to any and every couple.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2004

    Advice from a wise couple

    The Bloom's first book (I hope they write more) is made up of 101 short but profound chapters each of which contains an anecdote taken from their own marriage or a couple they've worked with. It's like getting advice from a wise old couple that has been though it all, and learned what works and what doesn't. They have helped clients in difficult situations and they themselves been through periods of closeness and distance, infidelity, breast cancer, deaths of parents and a beloved child, and have come out with a passionate, and intimate connection that gets better with time. No easy answers but lots of wise compassionate help.

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    Posted October 28, 2008

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    Posted July 21, 2010

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