151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People

151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People

by Carrie Mason-Draffen
151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People

151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People

by Carrie Mason-Draffen

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Overview

If you have ever wished you had the equivalent of a "Nanny 911" to defuse tensions in the office, your wish has come true. 151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People is the ultimate guide on how to face challenging employees and coworkers.

The extensive topics in this book deal with how to handle characters ranging from Bunglers to Backstabbers to Bullies. Few books on difficult employees, if any, offer such an extensive assortment of the characters you're likely to encounter at work and how best to deal with them. When faced with difficult employees, too often managers and coworkers lack the skills for handling the stressful encounters, so they throw up their hands in complete exasperation. Well, all that ends with this book. You'll learn how to:
  • Keep problem employees from setting the tone in the office.
  • Take steps to turn troublemakers into team players.
  • Keep them from demoralizing or scaring away other employees.
  • Know when to cut your losses.
  • Avoid hiring troublemakers in the first place.
  • Confront bullies, harassers, and ageists.
  • Keep a backstabber from sabotaging your career.
  • Keep an aggressive colleague from commandeering your meeting.
  • Deal with colleagues who infringe on your time.

    Because the information in this book is so concise and practical, you'll refer to it again and again. Whether you are a manager or a coworker of difficult employees, the advice will give you the tools to better supervise problem workers or the confidence to stand up to them. You will no longer live in fear of an aggressive employee ruining your day.

  • Product Details

    ISBN-13: 9781564149381
    Publisher: Red Wheel/Weiser
    Publication date: 04/15/2007
    Series: 151 Quick Ideas
    Edition description: First Edition
    Pages: 192
    Product dimensions: 5.25(w) x 8.25(h) x (d)

    About the Author

    Carrie Mason-Draffen writes from a wealth of experience. For 10 years she has written an acclaimed workplace column for Newsday, a New York daily 
newspaper. 151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People draws on the insights she has gained from answering questions from hundreds of 
managers and employees. For additional information, the author interviewed outstanding experts in the legal and human-resource professions. 
Mason-Draffen lives on Long Island, New York, with her husband and three teenagers.

    Read an Excerpt

    CHAPTER 1

    Establish a Zero-Tolerance Policy

    When it comes to problem employees, your most powerful tool is a zero-tolerance policy. Establishing such a policy — and adhering to it — ensures that you will address inappropriate behavior consistently and decisively.

    Adhering to the policy is crucial. A major New York corporation noted its zero-tolerance policy in defending itself against a sexual-harassment lawsuit filed by a female employee. But the company didn't follow its own rules and a federal agency found in favor of the woman.

    Your zero-tolerance policy should make it clear that the rules apply to everyone, from executives to janitors. Such a policy calls for you to give all accusations of inappropriate behavior a full airing, even if they are swirling around your star salesperson.

    You should make sure everyone in the company knows your policy. Distribute copies and require employees to sign and return an enclosed sheet acknowledging receipt.

    Peter Handal, president and chief executive officer of Dale Carnegie Training in Hauppauge, New York, said that because of their importance, zero-tolerance policies should be communicated in more than one media: in a manual, via e-mail, and in meetings. He recommends that you revisit the policy at least every six months.

    Assignment

    Produce a wallet-size version of your zero-tolerance policy. Distribute laminated copies to employees.

    "If you just talk about things like that once a year, they're not as important to people," says Carnegie. "It gets repetitive, but that is the way to learn the message."

    Epilogue

    A zero-tolerance policy is like a moral compass. If you ignore the direction to which it's pointing, you'll lose your way.

    CHAPTER 2

    Don't Let Difficult People Set the Tone for the Office

    Kathy supervises the support staff at a medium-sized company. She sought my advice because she was at the end of her rope with a defiant secretary. The employee set her own hours. She routinely clocked in at 9:30 a.m., a half hour later than the office starting time. And she clocked out at 5:30 p.m., a half hour past quitting time.

    To make matters worse, the woman often spent the last hour of her shift socializing. Kathy repeatedly directed her to clock out when she finished her work. But the employee ignored the requests and continued to schmooze until her "personal" quitting time. One day Kathy threatened to clock her out. But the employee shot back with, "That's illegal." And she was right.

    Assignment

    If you have trouble rooting out unproductive work habits in your office, resolve today to seek an expert's help.

    The situation deteriorated even more when other staff members began to follow the woman's lead. Kathy wanted to fire her. But the company owner nixed that because her work was "up to par." Kathy was losing the emotional tug of war.

    Still, she wanted to reclaim control. So she reached out for help. I advised Kathy that since the secretary, who is paid hourly, is clearly lollygagging past the official quitting time, the company doesn't have to pay her for that time. After all, the company isn't forcing her to extend her hours. Her talk became cheap, even free for Kathy.

    Kathy must keep detailed records to explain the discrepancy between the time clock and the woman's pay, just in case the uncooperative secretary files a complaint with the Labor Department. But after all those skirmishes, Kathy might even find extra paperwork welcome relief indeed.

    Epilogue

    When problem employees re-interpret your office practices, it's not your office anymore. It's theirs.

    CHAPTER 3

    Bone Up on Dealing With Difficult Employees

    You don't have to run off to get a degree in psychology to learn how to deal with problem employees. But you should avail yourself of some knowledge.

    In the past few years, several high-profile company executives who were tried on corruption charges claimed they were out of the loop when their subordinates committed malfeasance. Those I-had-no-clue executives proved in spectacular fashion how much an uninformed manager has on the line when it comes to problem employees.

    They can ruin your business, drive away customers, and disrupt the office dynamic. If you feel at a total loss about tackling such problems, try a little knowledge. Take a seminar on resolving personnel conflicts, read a book, collect information online, or listen to a tape or CD.

    Even if you decide to seek legal advice, you'll benefit more from the encounter if you bring something to the table. Effective managers bone up on unfamiliar topics just to make sure they ask the right questions.

    If a lack of time is preventing you from being proactive in personnel matters, start with Steve Leveen's The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life, a slender book that offers strategies on how to find interesting books, how to size them up quickly, and how to retain what you read. Reading to learn is a great way to invest in your employees, your company, and yourself.

    Assignment

    Read through this book and apply its information to your workplace. Supplement the advice here with books from business best seller lists in newspapers or online.

    Epilogue

    "Ignorance is bliss," the saying goes, but not when it comes to personnel problems.

    CHAPTER 4

    Don't Wait for the Boston Tea Party

    If an employee asks your help in dealing with a difficult colleague, investigate the matter promptly and follow up with a solution. Worse than a problem employee is a manager who won't address intraoffice conflicts. He won't confront bullies or saboteurs. He believes both problems and people will self-correct.

    When you take that approach you aggravate the problem and, worse, you lose credibility with your subordinates. If a team is involved, members may take matters into their own hands like the colonists who staged the Boston Tea Party more than 200 years ago because King George refused to correct the problem of taxation without representation. With your reputation as a do-nothing boss, insurrectionists in the office will refuse to cooperate. And they will refuse to continue to do the extra work that might have won you a promotion to management in the first place. At worst, the exasperated employees will go to your boss for relief. If that happens, as with King George, who had to surrender the colonies, your power will be diminished forever.

    Assignment

    If an employee asks you to intervene in a dispute, don't keep the person hanging. Set a date for a follow-up meeting as soon as possible.

    No company needs a manager who won't manage. That approach damages morale and productivity. So when the complaints roll in, get yourself a cup of tea and go to work on a plan of attack.

    Epilogue

    To paraphrase that time-honored Quotation, "Time and tide wait for no managers."

    CHAPTER 5

    Be a Good Listener

    One Father's Day, the minister of my church gave a sermon praising her father for helping to lift her out of a dreary situation. A seminary had offered her a full scholarship. But she visited the campus and found it lifeless. On the other hand, her first choice for school was a prestigious school with a bustling campus where students engaged in spirited debates. To go there, she would have to pay for her education with student loans. Because she didn't want to face a pile of debt after graduation, she felt she had no choice but to accept the offer from the less appealing school.

    Assignment

    As an employee talks to you about a personnel conflict, take notes to keep your mind focused on the discussion rather than your next meeting.

    When she told her father about her Hobson's choice, he presented another scenario. If she attended the prestigious school, she would mostly likely find a well-paying job after graduation. That would enable her to repay the loans. That insight buoyed her. She took out the loans, attended the school, and did, indeed, find a great job.

    Her dad exemplified a good listener. He didn't judge her. Instead, he just heard her out and then graciously suggested an option she hadn't considered.

    Good managers serve the same function. They don't judge when an employee seeks advice on how to resolve a conflict. Instead, they help subordinates see the problem in a different light.

    That open-minded approach will serve you particularly well in tense, one-on-one meetings with employees. When you listen, they will know you take them seriously. It's hard for them to argue with that.

    Epilogue

    "Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art." — Frank Tyger

    CHAPTER 6

    Work Out a Solution Jointly

    As a parent of teenagers, I know that negotiation always precedes persuasion. If I allow them to help shape the rules, they are more likely to buy into them. A top-down approach doesn't work with an age group so naturally prone to rebellion.

    Assignment

    If a corrective plan of action is top heavy with your ideas, make room for more input from employees. It should be their "Declaration of Interdependence," not yours.

    Teenagers aren't the only group from whom the stakeholder approach works. Employees will embrace a policy if they have a say in it. If you take the top-down approach with office troublemakers, you will perpetuate a problem or exacerbate it.

    Seek the employees' input from the very beginning before you draw up a corrective plan of action. You may seethe at such a suggestion. It may strike you as capitulation. But playing dictator won't get you the behavioral changes you're looking for, either.

    In Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work, David Rock says, "Letting people come to their own insights when things haven't gone well is more comfortable for everyone and is more likely to deliver the outcome everyone wants: learning and behavior change for the next time."

    So ask slackers about their new strategies for getting to work on time and what you can do to help. You'll empower them to think and work in a way that's more helpful to all.

    Epilogue

    To win employees' hearts and minds, give them a say.

    CHAPTER 7

    Follow Through on a Plan of Action

    "Visions that stay in the stars are visions that were poorly executed," says John Baldoni in How Great Leaders Get Great Results. An unexecuted or poorly executed plan to change an employee's behavior really is no better than wishful thinking.

    Once you and an employee have drawn up a blueprint for corrective action, monitor its execution strategically. The best way is with follow-up meetings. Face to face is the best approach. An employee might dress up his or her progress in a written report. Meet regularly with the employee to gauge his or her progress.

    Try meeting weekly after a crisis and then schedule the meetings less frequently as the employee makes progress. Keep the meetings short and on point. Ask for updates on new strategies. Consider scheduling the meetings during a coffee break or lunchtime on occasion to make doubly sure they take place. When you're running a business, time is one of your most precious resources and it often has to do double duty if you want to get things done.

    The follow-up meetings convey the message that a plan of action is important to you and that you expect results. And you wouldn't want it any other way.

    Assignment

    "What gets measured gets done." Use this adage for inspiration.

    Epilogue

    Unless you execute it, your plan is no better than scrap paper.

    CHAPTER 8

    What Personality Trait Is at Play?

    When my son was in elementary school, I tried coercion to get him to remember to turn in his homework. I resorted to yelling at him and revoking his privileges.

    I did so out of utter frustration. I corrected the homework each night and assumed he turned it in the next day. So when his teacher told me his grades were slipping because he hadn't turned in his homework, I was livid.

    I demanded that he tell my why. He said he couldn't find it when the teacher asked for it. I thought the excuse was lame and banned video games and television.

    Assignment

    Follow Dale Carnegie's advice and try to understand the motivations behind employees' problem behaviors.

    The problem persisted until I read an article with excerpts from Dr. Mel Levine's book, A Mind at a Time, which focuses on the different ways that children learn based on how they perceive reality. My son suffered from "material management dysfunction," I learned. When confronted with the jumbled contents of his book bag, he felt helpless to wrest anything from it. I conferred with the school psychologist and we both agreed that after helping him with homework, I should help him organize his book bag for the next day. The homework problem ended.

    The moral of the story holds truths for office situations as well. Once you understand a difficult employee's behavior, you can help find lasting solutions. Dale Carnegie says it best in How to Win Friends and Influence People: "There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason — and you have the key to his actions, perhaps his personality."

    Epilogue

    "You do not lead by hitting people over the head — that's assault not leadership." — Dwight Eisenhower

    CHAPTER 9

    Make Sure the Employee Understands

    At times my coworkers' version of a staff meeting differs so dramatically from mine that I wonder if we attended the same meeting. In essence, our own assumptions and interpretations produced the conflicting messages. That's why follow-up questions are so important. They allow a manager to clear up ambiguities.

    Assignment

    Jot "G&T" on a piece of paper to remind yourself to make sure all your conversations with difficult employees are Give & Take.

    When you're dealing with a problem employee, ambiguity is something you want to avoid at all cost. Does the person understand that getting to work on time means being at his or her desk at 9 a.m. and not pulling into the parking lot? Does the person understand that the job consists of more than what he or she wants to focus on?

    Clear communication is a give and take. Encourage the employee to ask questions during a one-on-one meeting to address your concerns about his or her performance. And you should ask questions of the employee. Gauge whether the person understood you by asking his or her opinion of what you said. At the end of the meeting summarize the major points, and follow up the conversation with a memo documenting those points.

    Save time, effort, and frustration by making sure an employee understands what you expect.

    Epilogue

    Ambiguity is never the goal of communication but it's frequently the outcome.

    CHAPTER 10

    Try Humor

    Too bad doctors don't prescribe a daily dose of laughter for working people — more of us might have that nice day everyone wishes for us.

    "Studies prove that most encounters will run more smoothly, last longer, have more positive outcomes, and dramatically improve relationships when you make a point of regularly smiling and laughing to the point where it become a habit," authors Allan and Barbara Pease write in The Definitive Book of Body Language.

    Apply judicious amounts of humor to your conversations. If you're having a tense conversation with an employee, humor will break the tension. Humor is also a great conversation starter when you're at a loss about how to begin a difficult discussion.

    It carries a serious warning, though. You should never use it at the employee's expense. And don't overuse it. If you do, the employee may wonder if you were working on a stand-up comedy routine.

    When served up in healthy portions, though, humor could be just what the doctor should have ordered.

    Assignment

    Apply this Irish proverb liberally for inspiration: "A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book."

    Epilogue

    Even the most serious talks benefit from a little humor.

    CHAPTER 11

    Express Confidence That the Person Can Change

    It's axiomatic that if you believe your employees can change, they are more likely to do so. If you believe they can change, make sure you let them know it. Like an energy drink, your encouraging words will boost their spirits.

    Change is difficult. When a subordinate tries to move from negative territory into positive, he battles deeply ingrained habits. That fight will provoke anxiety. Counter that with a vote of confidence when the employee displays responsible behavior; speak up or drop the employee a note.

    Management consultant John Maxwell advises leaders to play the "positive prophet" for their employees to ensure success.

    "People need to hear you tell them that you believe in them and want them to succeed," Maxwell says in Leadership 101: What every leader needs to know.

    (Continues…)


    Excerpted from "151 Quick Ideas to Deal With Difficult People"
    by .
    Copyright © 2007 Carrie Mason-Draffen.
    Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
    All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
    Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

    Table of Contents

    How to Use This Book,
    1. Establish a Zero-Tolerance Policy,
    2. Don't Let Difficult People Set the Tone for the Office,
    3. Bone Up on Dealing With Difficult Employees,
    4. Don't Wait for the Boston Tea Party,
    5. Be a Good Listener,
    6. Work Out a Solution Jointly,
    7. Follow Through on a Plan of Action,
    8. What Personality Trait Is at Play?,
    9. Make Sure the Employee Understands,
    10. Try Humor,
    11. Express Confidence That the Person Can Change,
    12. Thank Them for Their Cooperation,
    13. Master the Art of Difficult Conversations,
    14. Train Your Managers in the Art of Difficult Conversations,
    15. Don't Promote Mediocrity,
    16. Seek Other Owners' Advice,
    17. Reign in Difficult Family Members,
    18. Mean What You Say,
    19. Handling Resistance to Overtime,
    20. Dealing With Information Hoarders,
    21. Know When to Consult a Lawyer or Other Experts,
    22. Don't Take Problem People Home,
    23. When an Employee Threatens Violence,
    24. Offer Bullies Options, Not Just Objections,
    25. Document Difficult Encounters,
    26. Monitor Phone Calls for Difficult Employees,
    27. Acknowledge Employees for Defusing Tense Situations,
    28. The Office Isn't a Day Care,
    29. Use Irrational Requests as Conversational Openers,
    30. Hire Smart,
    31. Fire Smart,
    32. Encourage Employees to Tell You About Problem Colleagues,
    33. Don't Be Afraid to Critique Problem Managers,
    34. When a Problem Employee Gives Notice,
    35. Establish a System for Filing Complaints,
    36. Set an Example,
    37. Encourage Managers to Communicate Problems Up the Chain,
    38. No Across-the-Board Reprimands,
    39. Don't Parent a Difficult Employee,
    40. Audit Teams for Hot Spots,
    41. Remove a Team Member if Necessary,
    42. Mine the Exit Interviews,
    43. When Employees Resist Change,
    44. Nix Managers Gossip About Employees,
    45. The Greatest No-Shows on Earth,
    46. Is the Work Load Balanced?,
    47. Don't Undercut Your Managers,
    48. Don't Forget About Your Other Employees,
    49. Help! How to Find an Attorney,
    50. Refer to EAP,
    51. Give Yourself a Break,
    52. Put an End to Pilfering,
    53. Vary Your Tactics,
    54. Suggest Better Work Habits,
    55. Send Employees for More Training,
    56. No Knee-Jerk Reactions,
    57. Is the Affair Bad for Business?,
    58. Handling the Nasty End to Subordinates' Romance,
    59. Addressing an Employee Who Won't Dress the Part,
    60. A Wake-Up Call for Stragglers,
    61. Use an Evaluation as a Blueprint for Transforming Problem Employees,
    62. Call Employees on Inappropriate Computer and Internet Use,
    63. Nip Managers' Favoritism in the Bud,
    64. Remove Abusive Managers,
    65. When Employees Ask to Borrow Money,
    66. Why an Apology Matters,
    67. Remind Employees of the Chain of Command,
    68. Demand Sensitivity Training,
    69. By the Way, "This Is Your Job",
    70. Don't Be Star Struck,
    71. Know When to Cut Your Losses,
    72. Discourage Workaholics,
    73. What's in It for Me?,
    74. Ask Offenders for Self-Evaluation,
    75. Celebrate Transformations,
    76. Warding Off Harassers,
    77. Discourage Racist Jokes,
    78. Asking a Colleague to Clean Up His Cube,
    79. Don't Take Disputes Personally,
    80. Talking to a Colleague About Faulty Hygiene,
    81. Try Role-Playing Before the Big Face-Off,
    82. Getting Colleagues to Respect Your Time,
    83. Don't Throw Gas on the Fire,
    84. Don't Let the P.D.s Get You Down,
    85. Find the Fault Line of the Fault-Finding Teammate,
    86. Know Your Workplace Rights,
    87. Confront Bullies on Your Own Terms,
    88. Establish Rules for Contentious Team Meetings,
    89. Outing the Backstabber,
    90. When a Colleague Refuses to Cooperate,
    91. Challenge the Chronic Complainer,
    92. The Cell Phone and What Ails Us,
    93. Keeping Delicate Phone Talks Private,
    94. Imagine Success,
    95. How to Handle a Surprise Milestone Party,
    96. Oh Lunch Most Foul!,
    97. Handling the Chronic Interrupter,
    98. Don't Let an Aggressive Colleague Commandeer Your Meeting,
    99. Mind the Generational Gap,
    100. Discourage Eavesdropping,
    101. Extending a Helping Hand,
    102. Taming the Green-Eyed Monster,
    103. Make Sure the Boss Knows Your Side of the Story,
    104. Recovering From a Fall,
    105. Empower Yourself,
    106. Seek a Colleague's Advice,
    107. Ask for Backup,
    108. Temper Criticism With Praise,
    109. Reject Offensive E-mails,
    110. Change Your Location if You Have To,
    111. Meet the Office Recluse,
    112. Pick Your Battles,
    113. Have Grudge, Will Travel,
    114. When to Take Legal Action,
    115. Restoring Trust,
    116. Develop Coping Rituals,
    117. Beware the False Confidant,
    118. Become a Leader of One,
    119. Insist on Respect,
    120. Become a Peer Mediator,
    121. When a Colleague Won't Pay Up,
    122. Have Fun Despite the Naysayers,
    123. Beware the "Mind Reader",
    124. Prep for a Meeting With the Boss,
    125. Flu Rage,
    126. Beware the Manipulator,
    127. The Art of the Riposte,
    128. Red Alert: A Colleague Belittles You in Front of the Boss,
    129. Oh Perfection Most Foul,
    130. Play to Their Strengths,
    131. Ouch! The Supersensitive Colleague,
    132. When You're Asked to Clean Up a Colleague's Report,
    133. Listen Up,
    134. Where's My Stapler?,
    135. Admit When You're Wrong,
    136. You're Not Alone,
    137. Beware the Minimizers,
    138. Focus on the Good,
    139. When a Foe Asks for a Favor,
    140. Handling the Over-indulger,
    141. Asking a Fellow Manager to Respect Your Subordinates,
    142. The Disappearing Colleague,
    143. When a Problem Employee Becomes Your Boss,
    144. Demand Reciprocity,
    145. The Rosebush Cometh,
    146. Just Say No to the Office Peddler,
    147. You're the Boss Now,
    148. If the Boss Asks, Give an Honest Assessment of a Colleague,
    149. If You Must, Avoid Contentious Topics,
    150. Assemble an Emotional First-Aid Kit,
    151. When the Best Strategy Is to Move On,
    Index,
    About the Author,

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