30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFs: A Friendship Field Guide

30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFs: A Friendship Field Guide

4.4 25
by Clea Hantman
     
 

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Where would Jennifer be without Courtney? How about Drew and no Cameron? Life is just more fun with friends. And who doesn’t want a sidekick in case there’s ever a need to fight crime or solve a mystery? Every girl needs at least one wonderful pal, and when you harness the power of friendship, life’s possibilities can be limitless. It might sound…  See more details below

Overview

Where would Jennifer be without Courtney? How about Drew and no Cameron? Life is just more fun with friends. And who doesn’t want a sidekick in case there’s ever a need to fight crime or solve a mystery? Every girl needs at least one wonderful pal, and when you harness the power of friendship, life’s possibilities can be limitless. It might sound like kid’s stuff, but the support of a girlfriend can last a lifetime. Long after the boys have come and gone, a true blue girlfriend will still be by your side.

But like it or not, friendships take work, plain and simple. And that’s where 30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFs comes in—a field guide to friendship that will help you learn the basics of meeting new friends and keeping the old.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

Children's Literature - Trina Heidt
So often with the massive influx of teen targeted TV shows, vicious tabloid stories, and hive mentality in schools, young women are encouraged to treat each other as adversaries. Clea Hantman has taken notice of this sad truth, as many women have, but she has decided that enough is enough. Girls have got to stick together. The most important piece of advice for young women that this book offers is very simple: other girls are not your enemy. Ms. Hantman, in her effort to bring about stronger girl-friendships, has broken down the formula for making and keeping friends into simple and practical steps easily accomplished in thirty days. For each day the reader is provided with a basic concept to think about and explore. An easy but effective corresponding activity is also provided as is a song of the day which is a nice way to end the day and reflect. After reading this book young ladies will be armed with the confidence that they may have been lacking and will be ready to effortlessly seek out, make and keep friendships. Though this book might be focused toward tweens and teens, the reality is that many adult women would benefit greatly from reading this book as well. Reviewer: Trina Heidt
Kirkus Reviews
Every girl friendship could use a little polishing, so advice guru Hantman (30 Days to Getting Over the DORK You Used to Call Your Boyfriend, 2008) has created a guide to what makes, breaks and repairs a friendship. The 30 days of advice are divided into four sections: "The Friendship Basics," "The Go-Beyond," "The Obstacles" and "The Forever Friend." Each day, girls are encouraged in an activity that prompts them to think about true friendship or to celebrate the friends they already have. The author offers sage advice for anyone whose friendships have had Gossip Girl moments, including sections titled "Friendship is not a competitive sport" and "Save the drama for your mama." Readers are constantly reminded that "other girls are not the enemy" and that nurturing a healthy friendship takes work. The overall tone is fun when encouraging girls to participate in friendship-building activities and serious when discussing the plagues of frenemies and backstabbers. Although there is no bibliography or index, the author does include further resources such as playlists and books for "the ultimate BFF book club." (Nonfiction. YA)

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780375891960
Publisher:
Random House Children's Books
Publication date:
04/14/2009
Sold by:
Random House
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
192
File size:
8 MB
Age Range:
12 Years

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Read an Excerpt

Methinks there needs to be an Intro to Friendship class at every high school on what it means to be a friend. But since I don't know of a single school that has one, that's where I'm going to start. Before you skip this section because you think it's beneath you or not applicable to your life, let me beg you to reconsider.

Sometimes even the bestest friends in the world need a refresher on what it takes to be a world-class pal. Heck, I need one regularly and I'm writing this book. Friendship may seem basic and obvious to you now, but when you dissect it like that poor frog in biology, you'll see there is so much more to it than you first thought.

If you flat-out need to make new friends, this is of course exactly where to start. Know that you're not alone. Due to various circumstances such as a new school or job, old friends moving on and drifting apart or a plain ol' lack of the finer points of basic social skills, many, many girls are looking to start fresh on the friendship train. So with that said, all aboard . . . toot, toot.

Day One:
Anthropophobia!
(AKA the Fear of People!)
Being Open to New People vs.
Being a Loner
New people scare me.
My room is safer, okay?
But boy, am I bored

Want more friends? Want better friends? Of course you do, that's why you have this bright little book in your hands. If you can't be open to meeting new people, you can't achieve your goals of bigger, better friendships. So this is the A-number one lesson right here.

Don't get me wrong, being a loner has its perks: it's easier than making friends. You can be lazy and be a loner, because being in a friendship does take effort. And if you're a loner you don't have to waste any time on the phone, or out in the sunshine frolicking with others, or having meaningful face-to-face conversations with possible confidants. As a loner, you can be completely self-obsessed and all about you, you, you. See, perks.

That was sarcasm, in case it's lost on the page. Life is hard without friends. And not nearly as much fun.

Now, being open to new people, as I said, can take a little work. You have to ask questions. You have to pay attention to other people, you have to listen, you have to look them in the eye. This is hard stuff, right?

Not exactly.

Do you like to talk about yourself? I do. I even talk to myself by myself about myself. I know what you're thinking right about now: "She is loony." But everyone, for the most part, enjoys talking about themselves. Which is exactly how you get new people to talk to you.

You ask them about themselves.

For example, say you have spotted a new person somewhere--school, work, a class or club. You think, "She looks nice," or cool, or whatever. So you approach her and you ask her a question. You could even start with a compliment and then follow up with a question.

* "I love your bag--did you make that yourself?"
* "You have awesome hair--who cuts it?"
* "Haven't seen you here before--where are you from?"

See? Not so hard.
But here's the tricky part: you have to actually listen to what they say! This is where I used to go south--I would check out and think about other things, like I'd be trying to read her body language to see if she was receptive to having a conversation, or I'd be thinking about a new question rather than actually listening to her answers, which--duh!--(a) would let me know if she was interested in talking to me and (b) would provide me with a lead-in to another question.
So to recap, the first step to making friends is to ask questions and then listen for the answer. You already know how to do this; you learned back in grade school. We all just need a little reminding sometimes.

And Another Thing . . .
Even if you're thinking, "Hey, I'm just here to make the friendships I've got stronger, I don't need to meet new people," well, you're wrong. Because bet you five bucks situations will arise (new college, new job, new town) when you will be meeting new people, and wouldn't it be great if you were armed and ready to greet them with friendship from the get-go?

Activity 1
There is one more component to this "Meeting New People" exercise. You have to hear, use and remember their names. And don't even try telling yourself, "Oh, I'm not good at names, I have a bad memory," because that is phooey. Remembering people's names is not a skill you are born with, like the ability to curl your tongue. It's something you have to work at. And here's how:
The best way to get someone to tell you her name is to introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm Clea Hantman"--ninety-nine  times out of a hundred, the other person will then say, "Hello, I'm ______." Right? If you don't hear the name clearly, or the other person said it fast, or it's unusual (like mine), feel free to ask her to repeat it--that shows you care enough to get it right. You can say "Pardon?" Or "What was that again?" Or ask her to spell it for you, and as she does, visualize the letters across her forehead.
And now here comes the work--it's a four-step process that I think will help you remember names:

LOOK (at her face)
LISTEN (to her name)
PICTURE an exaggerated, silly image of her in your head
REPEAT!

Let's start with the look. Look at the person's face for a moment and try to find a particular quality that stands out--is it her eyebrows? Her eyes? Her ears? Her face shape?
Listen to her name; then say the name again to yourself in your head.
Then visualize. Can you turn something about the name into a picture? Does it sound like something? Or does it rhyme with something that can be a picture?

Let's take the name Michelle as an example: "Michelle" might make you think of a shell. If Michelle were in front of us, we could ask ourselves if her eyebrows look like a shell, or her nose. If so, imagine this Michelle with a shell replacing her eyebrows, or her nose. Michelle also makes me think of that Beatles song "Michelle," and the next line is "ma belle." So I would think about a bell, and maybe I'd picture Michelle with a big cowbell around her neck. It's these kinds of ridiculous and exaggerated images that we remember. Or perhaps you already know someone named Michelle. So how does this Michelle in front of you look like the Michelle you already know? Or you could imagine them sitting together having a conversation about being named Michelle.
The last step is to repeat the name out loud. Try to say her name two more times in this first conversation. "So, Michelle, where do you buy your yarn for those knitting projects?" and "It was nice meeting you, Michelle."

So what is your activity of the day? To go out there and meet someone new and really, truly learn her name. Use these name tricks today and as often as you can. Can't find any new people to meet today? Try this out on the Starbucks barista or a waiter. Once you get in the habit, it will become second nature. And you'll be meeting new people in no time. Lazy loners be damned!

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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Meet the Author

Clea Hantman is the author of 11 books for young women. She’s addicted to a multitude of music blogs and to posting on her own blog, GettingOverTheDork.com. She lives in San Diego, California.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

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30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFs: A Friendship Field Guide 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 23 reviews.
TeensReadToo More than 1 year ago
Clea Hantman has created a short handbook that discusses the basics of being and finding great friends. Although the information in the book is very useful, and could be a lifesaver for a young woman who is having difficulty understanding true friendship, it does read a bit like a textbook for friendship. I was hoping for more personal stories of friends found and lost, but the book focuses on rules and codes for friendship. My favorite chapter discusses An Astute Amigo, the importance of surrounding yourself with people who may be smarter than you and talking about things that matter. This is sound advice, and young women sometimes need to hear the importance of surrounding yourself with good people who challenge you. Two other aspects of this book are the songs of the day and activities that the writer suggests to help the readers with their quest to find a worthy BFF. I really enjoy the songs the writer suggests as a way to see another perspective of friendship, but I do worry that they are a little outdated for the intended audience - only because some of them are my favorites, too. The activities that are included in the book are also a great idea. They suggest goal setting, soul searching, and creative crafting. All of these ideas are great ways to get young women to think about the future and express themselves in a new and different way. If the reader can get past the strong how-to nature of this book, it can be a very good guide to friendship.
GirlwiththeBraids More than 1 year ago
Friendship is a relationship too and it needs work just like any other, author Clea Hantman teaches in this must-read, 30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFS. Some girls have "frenemies", some have clingy wannabes, and others have friends that they want to keep forever. Do you want your friendships to grow stronger? Or to start a new one and meet new people? This books takes you day by day, to finding and keeping friends that with last a lifetime. In a world filled with dreary days, regretful breakups, and messy family lives, everyone needs a good friend and this book will help you achieve just that. Even if you are not interested in the main topic, this book is still a must-read! It teaches genuine kindness and in a polite way, none the less. To make it even more interesting, a song is provided at the end of each chapter, summing up what was written about that day. It really was fun! Activities and creative ideas are shared and books, movies, and other things are listed as things you can do with your friends. It is hands-on and there are parts in the book where the author actually asks you to provide sentences that you are to write down in the spaces. Three cheers for the celebration of friends! (Contains nothing inappropriate at all.)
Dana Blowers More than 1 year ago
this was a really good preveiw i cant wait to buy it
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Do some boys act mean to a girls if they like that girls ? Please reply to this just say " to i phone 6 need to kniw the answer like soon
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ur so right, does anyone know about internet safty?????
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Im sorry but people who put there emails on these comments are stupid...bc who know what kind of freak could email u....that is also for people who email ramdom people and for people who put their address on here too
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I get SASS from my BFF and she gets DIRTY MIND from me we are like sisters she is so funny and cool + weird thats y i am her BFF she also very nice (if u have a nook To: UNICORN~GAY~RAINBOWS:);):);)::::;D ;D ;D ;D <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Wow ur dumb! U just put ur email out to anyone
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ask me, pussycat, if you have any troubles,questions on puberty, boyfriends,crusjes, or even family drama! I always will answer in the best way I can!! Repy: to pussycat
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I'm really cool, so email me ur name and info. My email is jaymiemorgan0215 @ gmail. com without the spaces though sorry it doesn't let me put my email. Yeah. And anyone else if you like want advice or you want someone to talk to or something email me.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Why wont u reply on the other book
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Sorry girly. I had to go to bed. :/ im on now though for awhile. :D
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
By looking at the reviews i see that the people looking at these books are also looking for a friend and they don't know it .I also need a new friend.If you need a friend or want to be my friend, mail me a letter @ 329 North 8th street SANTA PAULA, CA. Then i could intraduce you to my 2 friends :Brittny Lin-come and Rosely Jimenez. V vv Love , Taylor Diane Fair
Liddia More than 1 year ago
I have a feeling that this book is going to be good because clea hantman is really good at giving advice. She has an advice column on a website called girlsense.com, thats a website for girls to go on and make fashions and other cool things
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A bestfriend is a person that care for u and treat u right and dont care how u look or if u r black or white
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My friend makes a big deal out of everything and isn't very grateful. I don't want to be her friend anymore. I'm going into middle school next year and I'm not sure if I should find new friends, stick with my other 2 friends, some of my friends from dance, or just stay like it currently is, just me, Kaylie, Allison, and Priscilla. Please help me soon. Respond to the heading title thingy. Brw we have a youtube channel. Its called Kaylie Washington
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Its good im a better loner lol jk
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you want a friend the just put To Ella in the box up top and put i need a frien in the bottom box i am really good at keeping secerats and my full name is Elanora Rose Michell Montez
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Fclnu
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I'll be ur friend lol :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Wanna chat