Read an Excerpt
50 Ways to Leave Your 40s
Living It Up in Life's Second Half
By Sheila Key, Peggy Spencer New World Library
Copyright © 2008 Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57731-702-9
CHAPTER 1
WAY 1 Just Keep Breathing
Breathing is like an entire book distilled into one sentence. — Deepak Chopra, Golf for Enlightenment
Here's the minimalist's approach to leaving your forties: in, out, repeat. If you're not the kind to fuss over birthdays — if you just can't be bothered with anything more taxing than taking a breath — then this is the Way for you. Just keep breathing.
There's nothing to it! Newborn babies can do it with their eyes closed. So what's the big deal, right?
Well ... there's breathing, and then there's breathing. Just ask the midwife, the athlete, the asthmatic. Ask the opera singer or the auctioneer. Ask anyone who does yoga or meditates. There are lots of ways to breathe.
Oh, for Sighing Out Loud!
Voicing your exhalation with a deep, audible sigh helps relax the body from head to tail. Try it. It's the fastest, easiest, most accessible stress reducer there is — cheaper than Valium, and with fewer negative side effects.
Breath comes instinctively as that good, old sigh of relief — shuh-wheew! — after a real scare (or, say, a particularly dreaded birthday). But for ordinary, everyday stress — the background noise of life — just keep breathing. Evenly. Mindfully. Keep the O2 coming, and the CO2 going. And continued for as long as possible.
The Body-Mind Bridge
You may think of breathing as merely a nose-mouth-and-lung thing, but, in fact, the oxygen exchange of respiration occurs within every cell of your body. Breathing is one of the body's autonomic functions, doing its thing whether or not you're thinking about it. But unlike other autonomic functions — the beating of the heart, digestion, and such — breathing is within your conscious control. And that, my friend, is the key to the kingdom!
Through breath, you can use your body to relax your mind. Through breath, you can use your mind to relax your body. According to some Eastern traditions, the breath does more than exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide at the cellular level. It also drives the circulation of chi, the essential life-force energy, throughout the body. Consider the words spirit, aspire, and inspiration: all are close cousins of respiration. By breathing more consciously, you will breathe more fully, thus drawing into your body's every nook and cranny the spirit of life itself.
You Don't Know the Half of It!
Ever been in an exercise class where the teacher reminds everyone to breathe? People laugh, as if to say, "Oh, yeah, I forgot." But chances are they only forgot step two: breathing out.
"When we focus on the breath, we tend to think of inhaling more deeply, but not exhaling more deeply," observes body-centered psychotherapist (and friend) Bhanu Joy Harrison, LISW. She adds that this is consistent with our tendency to value work more than rest: "As we get on toward our fifties, we try to hold on so much — to our bodies, our minds, our sense of control. But it is the letting-go — the exhalation — that makes room for what comes next."
Bottom line: Waste no time "waiting to exhale."
Quit Holding Out and Draw Another Breath
Once you're hip to the ins and outs of your own breath, you may discover something that millions of meditators know: observing your breath keeps you centered and present, "in the Now." And, as wise ones have been pointing out for ages, there is no better place — in fact, no other place — to find spiritual enlightenment. Guess that's why it rates a capital N.
COOL MOVES
Breathe Here Now (Breath-Counting Meditation)
"Sit quietly and observe the breath." That's typical meditation guidance for the beginner. But if you've tried it, you know that, even if you can manage to sit comfortably for ten minutes or more, getting your chatty brain to shut up can be a real struggle. Next time, try this. Sit comfortably with your spine tall and your head ever so slightly bowed. Close your eyes, and take several deep breaths. Then let the breath come naturally. The depth and rhythm of your breaths may vary, but aim for slow and quiet. Count each exhalation, up to five, then begin a new cycle. Never count higher than five, and count only exhalations. You will know your attention has wandered when you find you've counted past five. Continue for ten minutes or longer.
THINGS TO TRY AT LEAST ONCE
[] Breathe like a baby. Let your belly rise with the in-breath and fall with the out-breath. Now see if you can make this motion as automatic as breathing itself.
[] Breathe like a dragon. Pranayama's Breath of Fire is one of the innumerable breathing techniques out there designed to enhance your well-being. You may suck at all of them (to use a respiratory term), at least at first, but they're worth a try, even if only for the head rush!
[] Never quit quitting. Smokes, that is. You can't expect to "just keep breathing" if you don't have any lungs.
[] Take singing lessons. A good voice teacher will help you harness the power of your breath.
[] Blow the dust off. Has an important something been dormant for too long? The musical instrument under the bed, for example, or your love of long, slow needlework? If so, then breathe life back into it.
CHAPTER 2
WAY 2 Love Thy Body as Thyself
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
— Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune, "commencement address" column
It may be sagging, balding, aching, graying, and wrinkling. But honey, it's the only one you've got. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home, and in this life, your body is it! We're talking valuable real estate here, the permanent address not just of your physical parts but also of every thought in your mind and every emotion in your heart. There's no trading up from this "home, sweet home," so mind the upkeep, would'ja?
Do You Love Me? Will You Love Me Forever?
Your body's no dummy. It wants tender loving care daily, not just a once-in-a-blue-moon spa treatment (though no doubt your body wants that, too). True love is constant, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. You may not recall the "I do's," since this was a marriage made in utero, but believe you me, the "till death do you part" clause is absolute. So please — do your darnedest to keep the love alive.
"You Talkin' to Me?"
If you get nothing else from this chapter, please get this: Stop trash-talking your bod! If you want to talk to or about your long-suffering parts, fine, but remember: you'd be up a creek without them.
Be especially mindful in the presence of youngsters, whose developing sense of their bodies will be colored by what you say about yours. A sore knee is not a "bad" knee; try "tender" instead. Big legs are strong; why label them "fat"?
Let us give our bodies some well-deserved credit, shall we? If yours is still in the race after this many hard-driven laps around the track, then that's one fine piece of machinery you've got there!
Welcome to the Age of Acceptance
Perhaps the best way to show your body love is simply to accept it — its size, its looks, its limitations. Holly, an on-and-off dieter since her teens, finally gave up the "losing" proposition in her forties. "I finally learned to ignore what I call 'the mean parent in my head,'" she emailed. "I'm now on the 'eat-what-I-want-when-I-want-to' diet. I decided, 'I'm forty-eight, I've had a child, and who said I have to look like an athlete, anyway?'"
For Tuko, it wasn't her weight that was bothering her. It was her knees. She'd become decidedly active in midlife, beginning with the rollerblades she gave herself as a fortieth birthday gift. But after moving to Hawaii at age forty-seven, playing beach volleyball with people half her age helped her find her limits. "I'd wake up the next day barely able to walk!" she recalled. "So now, instead of four games in a row, I'm playing a game and a half, max."
You Are More Than the Sum of Your Parts
For all its importance, the flesh-and-bone temple that houses your soul is not the be-all and end-all of life. Think of Christopher "Superman" Reeve after his riding accident or Stephen A Brief History of Time Hawking after his diagnosis of Lou Gehrig's disease. Think of Helen Keller, Franklin Roosevelt, and anyone you know with extraordinary physical limitations. Despite their loss of physical capability, these individuals continue (in many cases, even after their death) to have a positive influence in the world. You — with your body — can, too.
COOL MOVES
Those Three Little Words
Your body hears everything you say about it, even the wicked opinions you express only to yourself. Hate your hips, you say? Then I hope you're saving up for new ones! (Fact: hip replacements, numbering 234,000 in 2004, are the fifth most common surgery performed in the United States.) Here's a better idea: Do as they teach in Dahn yoga (aka Dahnhak), a modernized version of an ancient Korean holistic-health program. While standing, clap your hard-working hips repeatedly with your cupped palms and shout, "I love my sexy hips!" Pat (hard!) all around your hips — front, back, sides — and keep telling them how much they mean to you. (If you're not chanting, at least exhale through your mouth, and think loving thoughts!) Choose any part — every part — and express your love for it, out loud and often, while patting or rubbing it (thus stimulating circulation) with your "healing hands." Don't forget your beautiful face and your powerful brain.
THINGS TO TRY AT LEAST ONCE
[] See your doctor. This is a "thing to try at least once" every year.
[] Use Arnica montana. Known as wolfsbane in days of old, this yellow daisylike flowering herb, the essence of which is available in a topical ointment or oral pill, relieves muscle aches and bruises.
[] Compose a love poem to your body. Gush rhapsodically ("How do I love thee? Let me count the ways") about every last little thing you'd do to demonstrate your love for your bod.
[] Treat yourself to a professional massage. It's nice to be kneaded. And speaking of kneading, if "dough" is an issue, find a massage school, many of which offer reduced rates to give students plenty of warm bodies on which to practice. Or buy a how-to book, and practice massage yourself or with a partner.
CHAPTER 3
WAY 3 Don't Let Gravity Get You Down
Build me straight, O worthy Master! Staunch and strong, a goodly vessel. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Building of the Ship
Oh, the temptation to wallow in cynical humor about gravity's ill effects on our supple selves! Growing jowls — or going from a bra size of 36C to 36-long — that sort of thing. But this book's aim is decidedly upward, so let us consider how to live in harmony with that ever-present g-force, and even to turn it to our advantage.
This Old House: The Body as Architecture
Bodies, like buildings, must obey the laws of physics. This I know only too well because, for twenty-nine years, I was the "leaning tower of Sheila." Due to an uncorrected lazy eye, I unwittingly cocked my head to one side, so as to point my stronger eye at the world. This in turn threw my spine out of whack. By the time I'd corrected both my eyesight and posture through a vision reeducation program, the damage had been done. Nearly two decades later, I still struggle with musculoskeletal problems stemming from those crooked early years.
The moral of this story (to quote everyone's mother): "Stand up straight, dear!" Dividing your weight evenly between your two feet is the proper place to start. Here are more ways to "be at one" with gravity:
Reel it in. Keep your head over your shoulders, where it belongs, and tuck your chin slightly. Just this one postural correction works wonders.
Bag the shoulder bag. Fanny packs and backpacks are okay, but only if they are always centered on the body. For larger loads — briefcase-toters, listen up! — take a lesson from flight attendants, and pull it on wheels.
Keep it symmetrical. Break the leg-crossing habit (a low footrest can help). And please stop jamming that phone between shoulder and ear. Consider a hands-free adapter required equipment.
Face it head-on. Square up to the table, and place your task front and center, close to your body. This goes for even fleeting moves such as refilling cups and signing guest books.
Be ergonomically correct. At your desktop computer or laptop, adjust your chair, screen, and keyboard to satisfy this checklist: spine tall, chin tucked, gaze fixed slightly downward, shoulders relaxed, upper arms hanging straight down, elbows at a 90-degree angle, wrists straight, knees level with (or slightly higher than) hips, feet on low footrest. This checklist goes for mouse clicking as well as for keyboarding. Laptop tip: No slumping! Sit your tailbone wayyy back in your chair, and place a hard "hotdog" pillow behind your lower back. Better, yes?
Rock on. Avoid standing with the bulk of your weight on one hip. Instead, shift rhythmically from foot to foot. This stimulates circulation in your hip joints and promotes blood return to the brain, preventing the infamous "soldier's faint."
Let 'em dangle. Your hands, I mean. Don't wear your shoulders for earrings! Notice which muscles are truly needed for the job, and consciously relax all the rest. "Let go of what's not working" is good advice on the yoga mat and in life.
The Upside of Gravity
Ask any astronaut: we owe our very strength to gravity. (Before they were tasked with heavy-duty exercise as a regular part of their responsibilities, spacemen's bodies shed significant amounts of bone density and muscle mass during extensive stays in a weightless environment.) Weight is gravity's handiwork, and weight-bearing exercise is practically synonymous with strength training.
If you're thinking, "Not for me, the bodybuilder's physique," that's fine. But if you're trying to beg off weight training entirely, let me appeal to your fraying nerves, with the words of Dr. Henry S. Lodge, coauthor (with Chris Crowley) of Younger Next Year: "Generally, we aren't aware of nerve decay as we get older, but it's the main reason our joints wear out, our muscles get sloppy and our ability to be physically alert and powerful begins to fade. And it is reversible with strength training" (emphasis mine).
(Continues...)
Excerpted from 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s by Sheila Key, Peggy Spencer. Copyright © 2008 Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer. Excerpted by permission of New World Library.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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