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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781642790016 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Morgan James Publishing |
| Publication date: | 11/13/2018 |
| Pages: | 100 |
| Sales rank: | 533,901 |
| Product dimensions: | 3.80(w) x 5.90(h) x 0.40(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Landmine #1 IGNORING PERSONAL HEALTH NEEDS
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
— Henny Youngman
There are 65+ million caregivers attending to the sickest in our country, and statistics show that 72% of us fail to see our own physician regularly.
Do the math, and "Houston ... we have a problem!"
Caregivers see many doctors and often perform tasks previously relegated to licensed medical personnel. While those experiences teach us a lot about healthcare, the application of that knowledge for our own health is a different story. Most caregivers regularly take someone else to see a physician, but when was the last time we saw ours? We often grow so weary of taking others to a doctor's office that the thought of going to another one (or taking time off work ... again!), well, it's just too much. Those "sandwich" caregivers caring for parents and their own family regularly feel stretched too painfully thin to carve out more hours for a doctor visit.
Many caregivers fear leaving their loved ones alone. Another justification used is that caregivers often don't have health insurance, and money is usually tight. I've heard every excuse and as a caregiver for three decades, I've given most of them. The reality doesn't change.
Regardless of the reasons WHY we don't see our own doctor, there are still two, nagging questions we caregivers must face:
• What good are we to our loved one if we stroke out, if we have heart disease, get diabetes, or some other malady?
• Who is in line to care for our loved one if we are out of the picture for a short-term illness, a long-term issue, or worse?
These two questions will persist into the national dialogue as the massive, baby-boomer population requires increasing care. Currently, a vast number of caregivers are already in the danger zone for their own health.
If I injure one of my feet, should I ignore it simply because my wife is missing both of her feet? Just because a cut toe pales next to her reality of double amputation doesn't mean I ignore the wound.
"Who am I to stop what I'm doing as her caregiver and attend to an injured foot — when she lost hers?"
That's the kind of reasoning we use as caregivers. We push our own health needs to the back burner. My feet are the only feet she can count on, and I need to be a good steward by properly caring for them. That principle applies across the board to our entire body (and hearts, wallets, jobs, etc.)
The first caregiver landmine is ignoring your own health needs as a caregiver. The dangerous shortcuts we give ourselves for this landmine are:
• There's no time to see my doctor.
• I don't have health insurance.
• When addressing my issues, I feel guilty.
• It's nothing compared to what she deals with.
Those shortcuts take caregivers into a dangerous place that can not only hurt them, but the loved one in their charge as well.
Serving as a caregiver can be brutal and requires extraordinary care for the caregiver. Caregivers can avoid this landmine by scheduling a medical professional to give the caregiver a once over — twice a year.
"Caregivers need an annual physical, and then six months later, a checkup for labs, blood pressure, etc. Why wait a whole year to discover high blood pressure, elevated sugar count, or other easily detected warning signs?"
Given the stress caregivers feel, it is critically important not to "sugar coat" it when meeting with your doctor. Your physician may instruct you to change your diet, exercise more, refer to counseling, or even prescribe medication to help with stress. Don't dismiss sound medical advice.
The primary care physician I've seen for nearly a dozen years watches me like a hawk, and I am grateful for him. Sometimes, with a minor ailment, I use a tele-medicine service which saves me hours and money. For a small monthly fee, I have unlimited access to a physician by phone/video for minor ailments, and there is a recording/transcript of the call to provide to my primary care physician. There is also an annual lab service as part of the subscription. The virtual doctor visits don't replace meeting with my physician, but it's another addition to the tool- belt of a caregiver that can help us live healthier lives.
Caregiving can be daunting and relentless. Those challenges sap the desire to fix a healthy meal, much less schedule time to go to yet another doctor visit. Yet that visit could very well save a caregiver's life. Caregiving can often feel like a full-contact sport, and is hard on the body, as well as the heart.
Make the call and keep the appointment for yourself as a caregiver. Doing so avoids the landmine of failing to treat the one body standing between your vulnerable loved one and an even worse disaster — yours!
Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian.He can't ask his patients what's the matter. He's just got to know.
— Will Rogers
Your Caregiver Minute
See Your Doctor
Most caregivers regularly take someone else to see a physician, but when was the last time we saw our physician? We often grow so weary of taking others to a doctor's office that the thought of going to another one (or taking time off work ... again!), well, it's just too much. Caregiving can be daunting and relentless. Those challenges sap the desire to fix a healthy meal, much less schedule time to go to yet another doctor visit. Yet that visit could very well save a caregiver's life.
Caregiving can often feel like a full-contact sport, and is hard on the body, as well as the heart. Make the call and keep the appointment for yourself as a caregiver. Doing so . ... ensures treatment of the one body ... standing between your vulnerable loved one and an even worse disaster — yours!
CHAPTER 2Landmine #2 ISOLATION
Loneliness was the first thing that God's eye named "not good."
— John Milton
In the Washington Post, a reporter recently discussed a British survey of retired individuals and the impact of social engagement on their lifespan.
But people who were members of social groups — which could be a sports club, religious organization, trade union or any other kind of leisure or professional group — had a lower risk of death in the first six years of retirement. Those who belonged to two groups before retirement and continued their activity in these groups had a two percent risk of death in the first six years.Washington Post 2-16-2016
This study affirms the positive impact of social connectivity on human lifespan, and going even further, on quality of life. Isolation is one of the most crippling long-term issues facing caregivers, and it leads to poor thinking, poor judgment, and poor behavior.
Pushing back against the isolation of caregiving is paramount for a caregiver. But where do you start?
In chapter one, we discussed the critically important first step of seeing a physician. That's as good a place to start as any. Having a medical professional seeing us as a caregiver opens the door to additional conversations — such as the need for support groups and counseling.
Furthermore, as caregivers, we need positive interaction. When, in our pushing back against isolation, we choose to hang around unhealthy individuals who bring us down emotionally or morally, we hurt ourselves.
In my book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER, I tackled the subject of isolation and wrote the following:
Isolation often occurs due to logistics. Sometimes, it is not possible or practical for the caregiver to transport the loved one outside the home. Other times, caregivers, embarrassed about the condition of their loved ones, or wishing to protect their dignity, remove themselves from the public eye. There are many reasons for the isolation that caregivers feel, but the results are universally negative. Without positive human connections, everybody suffers. That's why it's important for caregivers to remain engaged in church, community, and other social networks. And, since caregivers can often feel lonely in a crowded room, it's important not only to attend but also to engage.
— From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ©2014 Peter W. Rosenberger
I recently heard a great quote: "If you hang around five positive people, you will be the sixth. If you hang around five negative people, you'll be the sixth. If you hang around five idiots, you will be the sixth."
When we become isolated, our own dark thoughts take us down — often quickly. To best fight that, we need to surround ourselves with healthy, positive individuals. Sometimes it is as simple as a Facebook group, but that can only go so far. Regular phone conversations, regular face- to-face conversations, and when possible, group events, serve as the path towards pushing back against isolation.
We may have to start slow and not pin all our hopes on one individual, one phone call, or one encounter. Given that isolation often makes our hearts feel parched as if we have struggled through a hot desert with no water, we can be tempted to "guzzle" human contact. Any expert will tell you that when dehydrated, we need to sip water slowly and give our bodies a chance to hydrate properly.
The same thing applies to interaction. Let's don't make people "drink from the fire-hose" and hear every gruesome detail of our journey as a caregiver. Speaking slowly, deliberately, and calmly will ease us into a healthy engagement with others. Also, we can listen to others, as well.
The second caregiver landmine is isolation. Avoiding this landmine requires a deliberate action on our part to reach out to others. Here are three steps to take today.
1. Think of three people who you can trust. Pick up the phone and call them (one at a time ... don't conference call! LOL). A heavy conversation isn't necessary — just "sip" the friendship slowly.
2. See a counselor. Whether a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, or licensed mental health counselor, it is critically important to involve a professional mental health expert in your journey.
3. Find a support group in your area. Maybe your doctor, pastor, or counselor can recommend one or simply look one up online. Virtually every disease or impairment has a support group attached to it, and you can find more by simply going online. If nothing is in your area, try going outside the box a bit and attend a local twelve-step recovery group. It may not be an exact fit for your specific situation, but you will still be listening to others share their journey in dealing with something they can't control. The goal is to be in community. Answers are often illusive or non-existent, but support, companionship, and the wisdom of others will strengthen you — and allow you to help strengthen others. You may not be able to go as much as you would like, but you can go as much as you can.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
— Helen Keller
Your Caregiver Minute
Don't Believe Everything You Think
While physical isolation is one of the most challenging issues caregivers face, our thoughts become isolated, as well. In those lonely moments, our minds can play tricks on us, and take us down dark roads. Like a pilot flying through clouds without looking at instruments, we can quickly become disoriented. In those moments, we need external input ... an emotional GPS, if you will ... to help us regain our heading and proceed safely. We don't need to believe everything we think!
I don't know about you, but my mind is a dangerous neighborhood to walk in unaccompanied!
The Book of Proverbs tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and to not lean on our own understanding. You know why that's in there? Because we lean on our understanding!!
Serving as a caregiver is simply too difficult to do alone. Don't lean on your understanding, ask for guidance and help. Don't believe everything you think!
CHAPTER 3Landmine #3 EXCESSIVE WEIGHT GAIN
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four — unless there are three other people.
— Orson Welles
Each of us know that excessive weight gain harms our bodies and leads to all types of physical and emotional challenges. When you see someone who has rapidly put on weight, or is thirty, fifty, or a hundred pounds overweight — well, there's a reason.
During high stress times, cortisol (the stress hormone) levels rise in our bodies. For caregivers, "high-stress times" are daily. The stress we regularly encounter is nothing short of astonishing. Increased cortisol can lead to increased levels of insulin — which makes our blood sugar drop, and we crave a piece of pie rather than broccoli.
But that's not the only reason we look to food.
Think about it: an apple or doughnut? Celery or chocolate-chip cookies? Baked chicken with vegetables or lasagna?
There's a reason they call it "comfort-food," and in our culture, a measure of comfort is just a refrigerator away.
For many caregivers, making a sensible meal is simply another wearisome chore, and it's all too easy to swing through the drive-through.
That said, I see no need to create a caregiver diet plan that none of us will follow. We can leave it up to each of us to pick one of the countless meal planning options available to us from the experts. There's not a one-size-fits-all program for this landmine, and in my experience, this landmine doesn't originate in the kitchen, but rather in the heart.
Graham Kerr (known to the world as "The Galloping Gourmet") shared his journey from decadent food to heart healthy. Many don't know that Graham served as a caregiver for nearly thirty years. While caring for his wife, he changed the way he looked at food — then he changed the way he prepared each meal. His message to caregivers during an interview on my radio show was: "Make simple substitutions, and control portions." In doing so, we slowly, but effectively, incorporate a heart-healthy eating lifestyle. His simple message pointed us to the "marker" of a healthier approach to food — so we can avoid the landmine of excessive weight gain.
We're stressed. Weary and discouraged, we simply want comfort. Food, particularly fatty food, provides a temporary relief, but by indulging in food for relief, we ultimately harm ourselves further — and we do it with a knife and fork.
Like Graham Kerr, another friend of mine helps me with this. Rather than throwing a comprehensive plan at me, he shares an easy, helpful tip: "Make one simple change."
Maybe that change is to stop buying sodas. Okay. That's it.
Make that change. Let it take hold, and then watch the results. When that's settled in, make another change, and so forth. If we're overweight, we didn't get here overnight — and we won't lose the weight overnight, so let's manage the expectations and move slowly in the right direction.
Remember, however, the stress is real, and relentless. Even making one simple change, we still need to deal with that stress in a healthy manner. We can address our stress in several ways.
• Exercise (Joining a gym isn't required. Try just walking.)
• Counseling
• Meditation/Prayer/Quiet times
• Drinking lots of water
Again, we're going to start slow. We tend to put ourselves under more stress by trying to tackle another activity. Reducing our stress is not another task we need to accomplish and check off — rather, it's a lifestyle change.
Remember at the beginning of this book where I discussed taking a deep breath, and then exhaling twice as long as you inhaled? There is no faster way to bleed off stress than to learn to properly breathe.
By the way, breathing is free.
If we choose to participate in activities that are healthy and calm us down, it will lesson our desire to graze. Once we're in a calmer frame of mind, we can tackle pushing ourselves a bit to exercise more and participate in healthier activities.
For me, I do martial arts. I'm working on my third-degree black-belt as I write this. In addition, I'm a pianist so I take time to sit at the piano and musically work out the kinks in my soul. (Also, it's hard to eat a piece of cake while both hands are on the keyboard!)
Gardening, painting, crafts, golf, hiking — whatever it is that speaks to that stressed-out place in your heart, give yourself permission to do it regularly.
Someone once asked me, "How do you find time to do the things you do?"
I don't FIND time to do it. I MAKE time to do it. But it all starts with learning to be still and settle my heart down. I learned the hard way that if I don't take time for stillness, I will have to make time for illness. Calmness facilitates better decisions for the body.
The third caregiver landmine is excessive weight gain. Avoiding this landmine starts with redefining how we view food. It's fuel not comfort. The stress we feel cries out for relief. But it's not our bodies screaming for it — it's our heart. Nothing in the fridge, pantry, or drive-through speaks to the needs of our weary hearts.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "7 Caregiver Landmines"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Peter W. Rosenberger.
Excerpted by permission of Morgan James Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction,
Landmine #1: Ignoring Personal Health Needs,
Your Caregiver Minute: See Your Doctor,
Landmine #2: Isolation,
Your Caregiver Minute: Don't Believe Everything You Think,
Landmine #3: Excessive Weight Gain,
Your Caregiver Minute: The Goal Isn't To Feel Better, It's To Be Better,
Landmine #4: Loss of Identity,
Your Caregiver Minute: Discretionary Valor,
Landmine #5: Guilt,
Your Caregiver Minute: The Amazing But Overlooked Attendance Record Of Caregivers,
Landmine #6: Fear,
Your Caregiver Minute: Fight What's Closest,
Landmine #7: "It's All Up To Me!",
Your Caregiver Minute: Take Time for Stillness, Or Make Time for Illness,
Bonus Chapter,
About the Author,
An Exceptional Voice of Experience for an Unprecedented Need,
Other Items by Peter Rosenberger,