The 72 Hour Rule: A Do-It-Yourself Couples Therapy Book!


The 72 Hour Rule focuses on helping adult individuals and couples to communicate more effectively. This book helps the reader identify their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Then, the reader is guided through a series of topics, and real-time stories and exercises that will help them achieve successful communication with their partner. This book provides easy-to-use step-by-step exercises to help couples improve their relationship. This book examines substance abuse, violence, mental illness, unemployment, ...
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The 72 Hour Rule: A Do-It-Yourself Couples Therapy Book

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The 72 Hour Rule focuses on helping adult individuals and couples to communicate more effectively. This book helps the reader identify their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Then, the reader is guided through a series of topics, and real-time stories and exercises that will help them achieve successful communication with their partner. This book provides easy-to-use step-by-step exercises to help couples improve their relationship. This book examines substance abuse, violence, mental illness, unemployment, family dynamics, and affairs as topics of discussion, and is a breakthrough for all partners who avoid couples therapy or who have had a previous negative counseling experience. This book is based on both research and experience. Read this book as a couple together; integrate new communication tools into your relationship. The 72 Hour Rule is a simple and effective guideline to a more caring and connected partnership.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780692013113
  • Publisher: Brown & Brown Enterprises
  • Publication date: 8/1/2011
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 343
  • Sales rank: 1,027,301
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

Margot Brown has a doctorate in psychology and has been a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in private practice working in the field of psychology for over twenty years. Her early background includes working in high tech in California. Over the years she has expanded her role to include career counseling, substance abuse counseling, couples counseling, EAP counseling, and short-term cognitive behavioral solution-based counseling. Her private practice specialized in adult individuals and couples/partnerships from various sexual orientations.
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Table of Contents

Introduction xi

Why Am I Writing This Book? xi

Recommendations xii

My Style xiii

Collaborative vs. Medical Model xiv

How to Use This Book xv

Disclaimer xvi

So What Is My Gift to You? xvi

Part I 1

Thoughts, Beliefs, Behaviors 3

The Window Blind 3

How Do You Begin to Change? 4

Values 4

Money 8

Common Complaints for Couples 14

"You Don't Make Me a Priority!" Make Yourself a Priority! 14

Please Don't Settle 15

Loss of Sexual Desire 17

Jealousy 18

What Happens When One of You Outgrows the Other or Moves in a Different Direction? 19

How Important Is Spirituality to You as a Couple? 25

Poor Coping Leads to Poor Outcomes 27

What if You've Just Met? Do Your Homework! 29

Don't Marry Him to Change Him (or Her) 30

Hello and Goodbye 32

Everything Is a Connection Point! 33

What Have You Learned So Far? 35

Part II 37

Your Thoughts Are Important! 39

Pause for Thought 39

What Is My Role? I Have to Pay Attention to My Thoughts Too 40

Want to Change Your Behaviors? 41

You Are in Control of the Remote (Change Channels) 54

"Check-In" 54

Because-But-And 55

Core Negative Beliefs 56

Positive Concept vs. Negative Belief 59

What Have You Learned So Far? 61

Part III 63

Pay Attention to You! 65

Language is Important: Communication with Self 65

Emotions 67

The Anger Continuum-The Rope of Anger 67

How Do You Know When You Are Angry-Scared-Anxious? 68

Egg Metaphor 70

A Man Who Changed 72

Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety 73

Functional Healthy Ways to Cope with Anxiety 74

Gender-Biased Anxiety 76

Guilt 77

Shame 79

Name a Negative Feeling That Is a Theme in Your Life 82

Grief 87

Grief and Intimacy 93

Complicated Bereavement 94

Normal Grief vs. Depression 95

What Have You Learned So Far? 96

Part IV 97

Family 99

Triangulation 99

Couple 102

Locked in a Cycle…So What Is Life Like When There Is No 72-Hour Rule? 102

Communication Blocks 103

Mind Reading 105

Game Playing-The Negative Dance/Power Struggle/Hidden Agendas 106

Are You Both Playing Games? 108

Do Not Compete with Your Partner! 110

Game Names 111

The Silent Treatment 118

Identify Your Dance 120

The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner A 124

The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner B 124

Secrets, Sex, Money 126

Affairs…What You Need to Know 128

Verbal Abuse 132

Gender Roles 135

Conflict Over Religious Beliefs 138

Projection and Finger-Pointing 140

What Have You Learned So Far? 142

Part V 143

Danger Signs 145

Addiction to Substances and Other Things 146

Prescription Drugs 149

Stimulants 150

Depressants 151

Alcohol 152

Marijuana 152

Physical Health 153

Get Help Now! 158

Look in the Mirror 158

Substance Use/Abuse 159

Codependency 160

Enabling Behaviors 163

You Decide 166

Are You the Codependent? 167

The Subconscious Dance 168

What About the Kids? 169

Other Things 169

Shopping, Shopping, Shopping 170

FYI-Now Do You Know What Healthy Looks Like When You Are in Recovery? 173

Mental Illness 174

According to the National Institute for Mental Health 174

Anxiety Disorders 175

Mood Disorders 178

Personality Disorders 184

Physical Abuse/Domestic Violence 190

Pushing, Choking, Hitting, Knife, Gun 190

Statistics for Domestic Violence 194

Violent Acts 196

Did I Tell You About Young Boys Exposed to Chronic Domestic Violence? 197

Domestic Violence in Summary 198

The Power and Control Wheel 200

Divorce Attorney? Collaborative Mediation? Litigation? 203

What Have You Learned So Far? 207

Part VI 209

You! 211

Love Yourself First 211

Put Balance Back into Your Life 213

Personal Appearance 214

What Effect Does Your Appearance Have on Your Partner's Attraction to You? 218

Body Image and Sexual Relations; Body Image and Self-Esteem 218

Personal Goals and Couple Goals 220

Managing Change Beginning-Middle-Ending 221

What Is Your Goal? 226

Take the Risk 227

Medications 227

Family 231

Children, Natural Families 231

Parental Control, Reclaim Your Power Back Now! 232

Blended Families 232

Communication with Children 234

Solid Topics for Discussion with Your Child 234

Parental Challenges 235

Family Relationships 236

Single Parent Dating 237

Summary 239

What Have You Learned So Far? 240

Part VII 241

Couple 243

Be Friends First 243

Balance for Partner/Spouse 243

Communication 101 244

Sender and Receiver 248

What Have You Learned? 251

After You Tell Me, I'll Respect You More 252

Disconnect Between What You Hear and What You Feel 252

What Have You Learned? 255

Acknowledgment Does Not Mean Agreement 257

Non-verbal Cues to Communicate Effectively How-When-Where (some commonsense tips) 258

Positive Communication 259

Intimacy with Sexual Attraction 263

Intention 266

Forgiveness 267

Unforgiveness 269

Forgiveness Formula 270

Fighting Time-outs during Times of Conflict 273

Name That Tune-Observation 274

How Do You Begin? 275

Need and Wants-Missed Expectations 275

Rebuilding Trust After the Affair 277

No Trust Before the Affair 277

Healthy Trust Before the Affair 278

Do Each of You Honestly Want to Build Trust Now? Think About It 278

Steps Toward Rebuilding Trust: Perpetrator 279

Victim 284

What Can You Look Forward to Post-Affair? 287

Resistance to Change 289

How Do You Begin Talking to Each Other if You Haven't Talked to Each Other in Years? 290

The Victim/Empowerment Cycle of Behavior 295

What Is the 72-Hour Rule? 305

Date Night 311

Boundaries 313

No Outside Influences 314

Intimacy 315

Sexual Intimacy 318

Healthy Communication 319

A Non-Violent Relationship 320

The Equality Wheel 322

Making Adjustments in Life 323

The 72-Hour Rule Completed 332

The Basics-Just Like in the NFL 334

Leave Your Bag of Burdens in the Past 335

What Have You Learned So Far? 336

References 337

Image Credits 343

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