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776 Even Stupider Things Ever Said

776 Even Stupider Things Ever Said

by Ross Petras, Kathryn Petras (With)

For the many readers still laughing from The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said, here are 776 even stupider quotes overheard around the world.


For the many readers still laughing from The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said, here are 776 even stupider quotes overheard around the world.

Product Details

HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
Edition description:
1st ed
Product dimensions:
6.12(w) x 6.12(h) x 0.60(d)

Read an Excerpt


On Ability:

Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.

Duffy Daugherty, former Michigan State coach turned sports analyst, providing on-air color commentary

On Achievement:

We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.

Richard J. Daley, mayor of Chicago

On Activity:

This scene has a lot of activity. It is busy like a bee dive.

Michael Curtiz, director, to film extras

On Actors' Roles:

Cheer up, Freddy. You've got the best part in the picture. And you, Anna, you've got the best part too!

movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn to two actors in one of his films

On Actors, Sensitivity of:

Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least it's not an awful body count--it's a fun body count.

actress Bonnie Bedelia, star of Die Harder, in a Movies USA

On Advancement:

Our troops advanced today without losing a foot of ground.

British war communiqu‚

On Advantages:

It's a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs.

David Coleman, BBC sports commentator, known for his gaffes called "Colemanballs" in England, covering the 1992 Olympics on air

On Advertising Campaigns, Great Moments in:

Suzuki coffee: Your Last Impression.

Japanese advertisement

On Advice:

You've got to take the sour with the bitter.

movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn, reassuring director Billy Wilder after one of their films bombed

On Aeronautics, Minor Problems in:

The Air Force is pleased with the performance of the C-5A cargo plane, although having the wings fall off at 8000 hours is a problem.

Major General Charles F. Kuyk, Jr.

On Agendas, Hidden:

The president of the National Association of State Fire Marshals is available to comment on the critical need for deadly fires.

from a 1993 press release from the National Association of State Fire Marshals

On Aging:

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.

Vlade Divac, Los Angeles Lakers player

On Agonizing Decisions:

They were torn between two fires.

Congressman John Dent

On Agreeing:

If you don't disagree with me, how will I know I'm right?

movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn to author Sidney Kingsley

On Airlines:

Aeroflot: Introducing wide boiled aircraft for your comfort. . . .

ad for the Soviet (Russian) airline Aeroflot

On Airports, Endangered:

Ag land is not sacred. It's a green area on a map. But an airport is a resource that needs to be protected.

Steve Dana, mayor of Snohomish, Washington, during a land-annexation debate

On Aliens, What to Do with:

The church would be obliged to address the question of whether extraterrestrials might be brought within the fold and baptized.

Jesuit Father George Coyne, Vatican Observatory director, after the Vatican had begun working with NASA to locate extraterrestrials with a new telescope, on what to do if aliens were discovered

On Alphabetizing:

Line up alphabetically by height.

Casey Stengel, baseball great

On the AMA, Possible Hidden Agenda of:

Many groups in America face health risks: children, adolescents, the elderly, the homeless, women. The AMA is committed to speaking out on their behalf . . . establishing programs and policies that protect and defeat their rights to a long and healthy life.

from an American Medical Association letter sent to resident doctors

On Ambassadors (Would-Be), Country Analyses by:

I think they are a people who are friendly and unfriendly.

Maxwell Gluck, Eisenhower nominee to be ambassador to Ceylon, before a Senate hearing. He was not confirmed.

On Ambassadors, Qualifications for Becoming:

"English (fluent)"

Listed as his language proficiency by U.S. Ambassador to Australia, Melvin Sembler, on his r‚sum‚

On Ambassadors, Qualifications for Becoming:

I am sure I will feel at home in the Bahamas. I've been involved in gambling in the Bahamas. I've been involved in gambling in Nevada and I've been involved in banking.

Chic Hecht, former senator from Nevada, while testifying for an appointment to be ambassador to the Bahamas. He was appointed.

On Anatomy:

This coach is crazy. He can't ask me to run like this. He must think I have two lungs.

player from the Brazilian soccer team Rio Claro, complaining to a TV reporter; as collected by Paulo Cesar Martin and the staff of the newspaper Noticias Populares

On Anglo-American Friendship, the British View:

It underscores our intention to play an even more vigorous role on behalf of the organizations, and individuals, who compromise our membership. . . .

from a letter by Colin Draper, president of the British-American Chamber of Commerce

On Answering Phones:

I'm out, but call me back in an hour.

Michael Curtiz, film director, to a phone caller

On Answers, Multiplying:

I am providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised. . . .

letter from Marion Barry, Jr., mayor of Washington, D.C.

On Apostles, High Cost of Filming:

Twelve? So who needs twelve? Couldn't we make do with six?

Lew Grade, British producer and media tycoon, when told by Franco Zeffirelli, director of the film Jesus of Nazareth, that one of the reasons the cost of the film was so high was that there had to be twelve apostles

On the Apostles, Twelve:

Samuel Goldwyn: Why only twelve?

Employee: That's the original number.

Goldwyn: Well, go out and get thousands.

attributed to movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn, when filming The Last Supper

On Apprehension:

Reporter: Were you apprehensive in the twelfth inning?

Yogi Berra: No, but I was scared

On Arms, Sore:

I wouldn't say that Joe has a sore arm, per se, but his arm is kind of sore.

Weeb Ewbank, New York Jets coach, answering questions on Joe Namath's absence from a practice

On Artists, Living:

He [Francis Bacon] was probably our greatest living painter--until he died.

LBC (British television) news presenter

On Artists, Starving:

I'm limited to the income I can have as an artist. I can make maybe several million a year if I'm extremely successful, but I could never come into the $100 million a year range, the half billion a year range. . . .

artist Jeff Koons, during a public television interview

On Artistic Sensibility:

What good is the moon if you can't buy it or sell it?

Ivan Boesky, Wall Street trader, eventually convicted of insider trading

On Asses, Cecil B. DeMille Movies and:

The jawbone of an ass! Never! This is a DeMille picture and we've got to use the whole ass!

assistant to director Cecil B. DeMille, when filming Samson and Delilah and discussing the scene in which Samson slays the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass

On Assessments, Logical:

Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths.

Frank Broyles, University of Arkansas football coach, on the team's prospects

On Athletes, Great:

Michael Jordan, one of the world's greatest defenders--if not one of the best. . . .

David Coleman, British sportscaster, known for his on-air gaffes called "Colemanballs" in England

On Autobiographies:

I don't think anybody should write his autobiography until after he's dead.

movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn

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