The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life

by Stephan B. Poulter Ph.D

Overview

Whether we acknowledge it or not, our mothers leave an indelible impression on the persons we become. Our ability to function emotionally in relationships - both personal and professional - is based on our mothers' deep influence. In a book full of insights and wisdom based on a career of helping others, acclaimed psychologist Stephan B. Poulter shows how the mother factor can work either for or against us. The key to allowing this important legacy to work for us, says Dr. Poulter, depends on understanding our mother's pervasive influence on our life. He shows that the way we connect emotionally in adult relationships is based on the "style" of our mothers.Dr. Poulter defines the five major styles of mothering as:The Perfectionist Mother-whose family must look perfect in every wayThe Unpredictable Mother-whose ups and downs can create lifelong anxiety and depression in her son or daughterThe "Me First" Mother-whose children come second or lastThe "Best Friend" Mother-who's now in vogue but can wreak havocThe Complete Mother-who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child.Although most mothers are a combination of the above, many fit more into one category than others. Even though as adults, we tend to dismiss our past as the past, we do so at risk to ourselves. Only by understanding how our mother's legacy affects us today can we transcend the mysterious anger, anxiety, depression, and shame that we feel, and achieve the kind of relationships we deserve.Dr. Poulter demonstrates how the internalized "rulebook" we inherit from our mothers is a very powerful force. These unspoken rules govern work, relationships, emotions, separation, and independence. Unless we become aware of the rules that guide our behavior, thoughts, and beliefs, we won't have the ability to make our own choices. This enlightening book will help readers connect with their past to correct self-defeating behaviors, reach their full emotional potentials, and live happier, more fulfilling lives.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781591026075
Publisher:	Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
Publication date:	03/01/2008
Series:	Psychology
Pages:	352
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Stephan B. Poulter, PhD (Los Angeles, CA), is the author of The Father Factor, The Mother Factor, Your Ex-Factor, and two other books. He has practiced as a clinical psychologist specializing in family relationships for more than twenty-five years. Dr. Poulter lectures widely and appears regularly on radio talk shows and news programs.

Table of Contents

Author's Note     13
Acknowledgments     15
The Basics of the Mother Factor Legacy
Introduction. The Power of the Mother Factor Legacy-We Are All Sons and Daughters     19
Your First Love-Mothers and Emotional Bonding     51
How You Can Make Your Mother Factor Work in Your Adult Life and in Relationships     85
Five Mothering Styles of the Mother Factor
The Perfectionist Mother-The Unending Drive for Perfection and Love     119
The Unpredictable Mother-Overcoming Depression and Anxiety     145
The "Me First" Mother-Creating Your Own Life     173
The Best Friend Mother-Finding Your Emotional Power     199
The Complete Mother-Your Mother Factor with a Compassionate Flavor     223
Mother Factor Potential-Creating Your Life
Changing Your Script-Starting with Your Mother's Rules-Rewriting Your Book     249
Your Mother and Food-Learning to Feed Yourself-The Nurturing Secret     265
Functioning at Your Full Emotional Potential-The Power of Your Legacy     281
Leaving Home-The Big Separation-Getting beyond Your Mother-Separation/Individuation     305
Perfectly Imperfect-Your Emotional Legacy-Lose the Baggage     333
Endnotes     345
Bibliography     349

What People are Saying About This

Dani Levine

Dr. Poulter not only offers the insight, but provides the tools to escape the fate of falling into maladaptive patterns. I would recommend this book to the masses, as we are all in relationships today that have been influenced by our mothers. {Dani Levine, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist, President of The S.T.E.P. Group (School Placement and Educational Placement)}

Jean M. Clark

Dr. Poulter's book resonates with clarity for me as the second of three daughters, and the mother of three daughters. Mother/daughter relationships are, arguably, the most complex among familial relationships. His sound, straightforward analysis and suggestions should be appreciated and taken to heart by all of us moms and daughters. They also suggest a little bit of the 'mother' in all of us as can be applied in our relationships to our family, friends, and the world at large. (Jean M. Clark, Institutional Investment Manager, Manhattan Beach, Ca)