Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture

by Nora Samaran

Overview

As Nora Samaran writes, “violence is nurturance turned backwards.” In its place, she proposes “nurturance culture” as the opposite of rape culture, suggesting that models of care and accountability—different from “call-outs” rooted in the politics of guilt—can move toward dismantling systems of dominance and oppression.

When communities identify and interrupt systemic violence, prioritize the needs of those harmed, and hold a circle of belonging that humanizes everyone, they create a foundation that can begin to resist and repair the harms inflicted by patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism. Emerging from insights in gender studies, race theory, and psychology, and influenced by contemporary social movements, Turn This World Inside Out engages today's crucial questions, helping move us beyond seemingly intractable barriers to collective change.

Includes the essays “The Opposite of Rape Culture Is Nurturance Culture,” “On Gaslighting,” and “Own, Apologize, Repair,” as well as conversations with Serena Bhandar, Ruby Smith Díaz, Aravinda Ananda, Natalie Knight, and Alix Johnson.

"Nora Samaran writes with a unique combination of compassion and intelligence on the most pressing topic of our time. I’m convinced that if every person read her words, the world would be a much better place." —Liz Plank, journalist and executive producer of Divided States of Women

“Turn This World Inside Out is doing something unique and visionary.” —Wayde Compton, Author of After Canaan and The Outer Harbour

“Turn This World Inside Out is a must-have for educators, parents, counselors, and all members of the community who are working to transform structural harm.” —Agustina Vidal and Maryse Mitchell-Brody, The Icarus Project, New York

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781849353588
Publisher:	AK PR INC
Publication date:	06/18/2019
Pages:	140
Sales rank:	840,033
Product dimensions:	5.00(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Nora Samaran is the pseudonym of Naava Smolash, a faculty member in the English department at Douglas College. Her writing appears in academic and popular publications including Studies in Canadian Literature, West Coast Line, Briarpatch, and the University of Toronto Quarterly.

Read an Excerpt

The answer to all of these difficulties is to openly discuss nurturance: how it looks, how it feels, how men can learn to practice it from the men who already know how, in addition to communicating through women or fumbling around for years learning by trial and error. Simplistic answers gleaned through this fumbling do not help. For instance, some men may actually avoid nurturing or protecting women out of fear of “white knighting.” But white knighting isn’t synonymous with all forms of protection. White knighting means acting protective in ways that aren’t attuned. Paternalistically telling her what she needs instead of listening to what she says is white knighting. To stop white knighting, don’t stop protecting; just protect while you also listen and believe. Protect her, actively, in the ways she actually wants protecting and not in the ways she does not. Protecting people you care about—in ways that are attuned and responsive to their actual needs—is a normal, needed, and healthy part of nurturance. Why is there no high-profile institute for men teaching nurturance skills to men? Men need to do this work with other men—not alone, but in addition to working in accountable social relationships with women. In other words, men who are learning must continue to learn as they have been doing, but then share that learning with one another. Further, our research and education institutions need to recognize this work as valuable, rewardable labor. It may be a long time before a nurturing masculinity is recognized and rewarded socially the same way an abstract intellectual masculinity currently is. In the meantime, men need to do this healing work every day, behind the scenes, reaping the rewards of having women and people of all genders feel safe with them, and of growing their own self-love and love of one another. The reward of creating safe bonds is that in these places of trust, a warm glow of meaning and purpose emerges. An inner circle of trust and vulnerability allows movement and rest: it lets the bees come and go from the hive. It creates shelters of chosen family and beloved community from which action—challenges to racism, sexism, institutional violence—can arise, a safety net to catch each other’s bodies and souls, the foundation that allows risk. The opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture. This is men’s work to do, and yet it is needed by people of all genders who have men in their lives. The rewards are waiting. Are you a nurturing man? Do the women in your life—partner, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, parent—tell you or show you that you make them feel especially safe, close and cared for? If so, how did you learn? How do you open up spaces for men who want these conversations to begin to have them? Every single man I asked this of said, “Both men would need to want it.” Fear of closeness and certain masculine codes of interaction are real and are part of the picture. But many men are struggling with these questions, locked alone in their own little boxes. Men have to do this with other men, despite the difficulties in doing so, for three reasons. First, men understand what it is like to be a man much better than women do, and they can teach one another while understanding what it actually feels like and having compassion for one another. Second, frankly, women cannot be responsible for healing men while also protecting themselves from male violence and neglect, which is still endemic and thus a daily part of women’s lives. Finally, one of the great patriarchal distortions of the human spirit is that each man lives in solitary confinement, thinking he can and should solve problems alone, that he shouldn’t need others. Jumping the barriers that keep men from talking about emotions with other men is itself a fundamental change, one that reduces shame and confusion. So how do you know when men around you—the friend you just met for drinks, the colleague you have collaborated with on projects for years, the hockey buddy—may actually be quietly confused and thirsty for this kind of learning?

Table of Contents

Introduction: Nurturance Culture Means Holding the Circle
1. The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture
2. Dialogue on Masculinity
3. On Gaslighting
4. Dialogue: Beyond Masculinity
5. Dialogue: Turning This World Inside Out
6. Own, Apologize, Repair: Coming Back to Integrity 80
7. Dialogue: Moving Into Action
Conclusion: Beyond a Dominance Paradigm

 

Editorial Reviews

"Nora Samaran writes with a unique combination of compassion and intelligence on the most pressing topic of our time. I’m convinced that if every person read her words, the world would be a much better place." —Liz Plank, journalist and executive producer of Divided States of Women

“Turn This World Inside Out is doing work in an area that is highly topical, in a way that I, for one, have never seen before. This book is doing something unique and visionary. A lot of writing is visionary about something, but this book is visionary about something that, at this moment, is on everyone's mind. In book form, it could reach a lot of people.”

— Wayde Compton, Author of After Canaan and The Outer Harbour, Creative Writing Program Director at The Writer’s Studio, Simon Fraser University, Vancouver, BC.

“Turn this World Inside Out is a must-have for educators, parents, counselors, and all members of the community who are working to transform structural harm. … Using accessible language, Turn This World Inside Out lays out the social forces that perpetuate harm, and provides essential language to help start difficult conversations. This book offers us more than insight into the problem of structural harm; it also offers a part of the remedy and is thus essential reading for everyone who wants to shift to a culture of healing, nurturance, and love.” —Agustina Vidal and Maryse Mitchell-Brody, The Icarus Project, New York

From the Publisher

"Nora Samaran writes with a unique combination of compassion and intelligence on the most pressing topic of our time. I’m convinced that if every person read her words, the world would be a much better place"

journalist and Executive Producer, Divided States of Women (Vox Media) - Liz Plank