Born in 1887. Horse orthodonist and connoisseur of Vimto. Took up the pen when the local dogtrack closed down. Favourite seduction method is to sing a lullaby rendition of "Knees Up Mother Brown" accompanied by trombone and therimn. Handy with a Bowie Knife but happier with a blancmange. Voted for Electrolux in the 1932 Presidential Election. Most favoured herb: Parsley. Turned down a proposal of polygamy from the Van DeGroote sisters. "Liked" sausage rolls on Facebook -- nothing else, just sausage rolls. Represented in all court cases by Harbottle, Kinch and Rumsfeld. Took up the pen while convalescing from a volcanic erruption. Under the keen, silver-blue gaze of the full moon is liable to turn into a chrysanthenmum. Author of "Bathtime with a Shoggoth" MindMyBunion! Press (1959) "To Jupiter and Back on a Dandelion" CrabApple Press (1962) "Insuffrina Tuttiyana -- The Tonsured Temptress" Harvard University Press (1963) "The Sugar-Coated Phalanx -- a Survey of Lily-Livered Armies Throughout History" Deep Fried Angel Publications (1974) "The Old Cloud -- A Study of Fog in Bloxwich, UK" Harvard University Press (1977) "Germolene -- The Smell and Texture of Social Failure" Yale University Press (1991) "Implementing Unix on the Goblin Teasmade" Babarni Computer Books (1992) "How to Boil an Egg in Your Dishwasher and Other Copper-Bottomed Recession-Proof Cooking Tips" Faber & Faber (2008). Up and coming for 2013, "Hoof Oil -- How, When, Why and What?"