A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss-- Guidance and Support for You and Your Family

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Overview

A Silent Sorrow has long been considered the "bible" for families seeking emotional and practical support after a pregnancy loss. Well organized, easily accessible, and filled with practical suggestions for each topic it covers, A Silent Sorrowis a positive first step for bereaved parents and their families, providing support and guidance to help resolve thegrief and enable them to look to the future with hope.

"...revised & updated to reflect recent findings in medical procedures, laws governing pregnancy termination, & the complex issues surrounding pregnancy loss & reproductive technologies...a straightforward yet sympathetic guide."

...
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More About This Book

Overview

A Silent Sorrow has long been considered the "bible" for families seeking emotional and practical support after a pregnancy loss. Well organized, easily accessible, and filled with practical suggestions for each topic it covers, A Silent Sorrowis a positive first step for bereaved parents and their families, providing support and guidance to help resolve thegrief and enable them to look to the future with hope.

"...revised & updated to reflect recent findings in medical procedures, laws governing pregnancy termination, & the complex issues surrounding pregnancy loss & reproductive technologies...a straightforward yet sympathetic guide."

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780415924818
  • Publisher: Taylor & Francis, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/28/2000
  • Edition description: REVISED
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 351,596
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Ingrid Kohn, M.S.W. , was a founder of the Pregnancy Loss Support Program of the National Council of Jewish Women in New York City. She is currently in private practice in San Diego where she is also the supervisor for Jewish Family Services and is author of Understanding Grief and Coping with a Loss (19 ). Perry-Lynn Moffitt has served as the lay counselor with the Pregnancy Loss Support Program since 1984. She is author of Guide to Pregnancy and Early Parenthood (1994) and Understanding Your Pregnancy Loss (1998). Isabelle A. Wilkins, M.D. is a specialist in maternal-fetal medicine at the University of Texas Health Science Center in Houston.

Table of Contents

Preface to the Second Edition xiii
Acknowledgments xv
Foreword xix
Section I The Grief of Pregnancy Loss
1 When an Unborn or Newborn Baby Dies 3
Bonding with Your Unborn Baby 3
Grieving for Your Baby 4
The Phases of Grief 5
Initial Shock 6
Anticipatory Grief 7
Acute Grief 8
Grief Work 11
Integration of Your Grief 13
Anniversary Reactions 14
Grieving Loss in a Multiple Pregnancy 14
If You Have Difficulty Mourning 15
Pregnancy Loss Changes You 17
Key Points to Help You Grieve 17
2 The Mother's Experience 19
Factors That Affect Your Grief 19
Feeling You Failed the Baby's Father 21
The Ways Women Grieve 22
Your Return to the Community 22
Key Points for Bereaved Mothers 23
3 The Father's Experience 25
Bonding with Your Baby 25
Your Grief and the Pressure to Move On 26
Your Concern for the Baby's Mother 27
The Urge to Be Strong 27
When Your Grief Is Unfinished 30
Key Points for Bereaved Fathers 30
4 Pregnancy Loss and Your Relationship: Grieving Together and Apart 32
Your Relationship during the Crisis 32
Incongruent Grief 34
Your Grief and Sexuality 37
How Pregnancy Loss Can Change Your Relationship 40
Key Points for Couples 43
Section II Pregnancy Loss Examined
5 Early Losses 47
Issues Common to All Early Losses 47
Experiencing a Miscarriage: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 50
Experiencing an Ectopic Pregnancy: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 56
Experiencing a Molar Pregnancy: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 60
Key Points for Coping with Your Early Loss 63
6 Crisis Pregnancies and Loss 64
Issues Common to All Crisis Pregnancies 64
Experiencing Preterm Labor: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 66
Experiencing Premature Rupture of the Membranes: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 70
Experiencing Cervical Incompetence: Symptoms and Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 73
Key Points for Coping with Your Loss in a Crisis Pregnancy 77
7 Stillbirth and Newborn Death 78
Issues Common to All Stillbirths and Newborn Deaths 78
Experiencing a Stillbirth: Diagnosis and Treatment, Causes, Emotional Aftermath 82
Experiencing a Newborn Death: Causes, Emotional Aftermath 86
Key Points for Coping with Your Stillbirth or Newborn Death 92
8 Prenatal Diagnosis and the Burden of Choice 93
Preparing for Prenatal Testing and Receiving the Results 95
Continuing Your Pregnancy when Your Baby Is Not Expected to Live 97
Your Hospital Stay when You End a Pregnancy 98
How to Discuss Ending Your Pregnancy with Your Children 99
Your Emotional Recovery after Ending Your Pregnancy 100
Finding the Support You Need after Ending Your Pregnancy 102
Key Points to Help You Cope with an Impaired Pregnancy 104
Section III The Response of Others
9 Medical Care when You Lose Your Pregnancy 109
Learning about Your Loss 109
Your Hospital Care 111
Special Considerations with Stillbirth and Newborn Death 114
Communication among Medical Staff 118
Your Hospital Discharge and Follow-up Care 119
How You Can Improve Hospital Bereavement Services 121
Key Points to Help You Obtain Compassionate Medical Care 123
Bereavement Protocol 124
10 Finding Solace in Your Religion 125
When Your Loss Feels Like Retribution 126
When You Turn to the Clergy 126
When the Clergy Console You 127
When Religion May Disappoint You 128
The Relevance of Rituals 129
Naming Your Baby 131
Burying or Cremating Your Baby 132
When Ritual Is Denied 133
Theology and Ritual 134
Jewish Traditions 134
Islamic Traditions 136
Catholic Traditions 137
Protestant Traditions 139
Mixed Religions 139
The Need for Special Rituals 140
Rituals for Early Losses 141
Rituals for Ending an Impaired Pregnancy 141
Your Return to Faith 143
Key Points to Help You Find Solace in Your Religion 143
11 The Response of Your Family and Friends 145
Telling People about Your Loss 145
Informing Close Family and Friends 145
Telling Your Wider Social Circle 146
Special Issues 149
Finding the Support You Need 149
Handling Thoughtless Remarks 151
Coping with Social Pressures 153
Being with Pregnant Women and Little Children 154
Key Points to Help You with Family and Friends 157
The Five Worst Comments You Might Hear 157
The Five Best Comments You Might Hear 158
12 Helping Your Children at Home 159
How to Talk with Your Child 160
Toddlers and Preschoolers 161
Children Age Six to Eleven 163
Preteens and Teenagers 165
Special Issues for You to Consider 165
Saying Good-bye to a Baby Sibling 166
Your Child and Religious Rituals 166
Your Child's Peers 167
After the Crisis 168
If You and Your Family Need Extra Help 169
Key Points to Help Your Children after a Loss 171
13 For Bereaved Grandparents 172
Grandparents' Guilt 174
Helping Your Adult Children 175
Family Celebrations and Holidays 176
Pregnancy after a Loss 177
Strengthening Family Ties 177
Key Points for Bereaved Grandparents 178
Section IV Special Circumstances
14 The Impact of Pregnancy Loss on Your Career 181
Making Career Decisions 181
Men and Their Careers 183
Your Career Choices and High-Risk Pregnancy 184
Key Points when Pregnancy Loss Affects Your Career 187
15 Pregnancy Loss and Infertility: A Twofold Sorrow 188
Coping with a Pregnancy Reduction 189
When to Stop Trying to Conceive 191
Enduring Uncertainty 194
Key Points to Help You Cope with Pregnancy Loss and Infertility 196
16 Becoming Pregnant Again 197
Making the Decision 197
The Right Timing 198
Finding Out You Are Pregnant Again 199
Telling Others 200
If a Loss Occurs Again 201
Reconsidering Your Medical Care 202
Changing Doctors 202
Use of Technology 203
Surviving the New Pregnancy 205
For Mothers Who Must Manage a Subsequent High-Risk Pregnancy 208
Parenting after Your Loss 210
Experiencing the Birth of a Healthy Baby 210
Problems with Child Rearing 210
Responding to Awkward Questions 211
Key Points to Help You Survive a Subsequent Pregnancy 212
Appendices
A Managing Problem Pregnancies 213
B Rituals 226
C Pregnancy Loss and the Environment 240
D Resources 244
Resources for Pregnancy Loss 244
Resources for Loss in Multiple Gestations 248
Resources Online 249
Resources for Psychotherapy 249
Resources for Genetics Information and for Ending a Pregnancy 251
Resources for Infertility 253
Resources for Childbirth 253
Resources for Adoption 255
Resources on Health and Pregnancy 256
Glossary 258
Bibliography 267
Index 291

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 23, 2009

    GOOD RESOURCE FOR SOMEONE WITH A RECENT LOST OF FETUS/BABY

    THE BOOK WAS EASY TO READ AND COMFORTING FOR SOMEONE TO REALIZE THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE IN THEIR LOSS. IT IS UNFORTUNATE THAT MISCARRIAGE IS NOT TREATED THE SAME AS FULL TERM LOSS,AS NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, YOU HAVE LOST A CHILD YOU WERE WAITING FOR AND IS NO MORE. WE FOUND IT A GOOD READ AND VERY INFORMATIVE.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Posted May 30, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    A comfort found in knowledge

    Sadly, my family and I experienced the shock of stillbirth firsthand at 29 weeks of pregnancy in March 2009. It felt like no pain I have ever known. My son was healthy up until that point, and suddenly everything I thought I knew became questionable. He would have been our second child.

    I have always been an avid reader, so in trying to understand my journey of grief and pain, I went in search of information. I was unable to find any books on the shelves dealing with the subject of stillbirth in the stores, but found this one online. It was helpful, informative and thought provoking. Although a couple of the chapters didn't apply to my situation, I read them to get an understanding of other scenarios related to infant and fetal death.

    I would highly recommend this book to any family dealing with pregnancy loss.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted February 16, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    9781558500433

    Very informative

    Well laid out and informative. There aren't many books out there (that I could find) that deal with this subject. Don't bother looking in the pregnancy section of B&N¿I found this with the other books dealing with loss.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 17, 1999

    MEANINGFUL HELP

    This book brought fresh tears to my eyes as it carried me back both to the sudden trauma of losing my daughter sixteen months ago and the prolonged trauma that followed -- that of the inadequate responses of friends and relatives. The chapter on the reactions of family and friends touched on my experience of feeling that the depths of my tragedy and profundity of my sorrow kept those I needed most at a painful distance. It was a comfort to recognize myself in the pages that discussed this pattern. After the loss, I was so preoccupied with my own needs that it was hard for me to reach out to my husband and understand how and why his experience differed from mine. The chapter on the father's experience helped me to see more clearly what he had to endure -- and was forced to keep bottled up inside -- because as a man, his grief was little recognized by those around him. Finally, the chapter on becoming pregnant again offered a sober and realistic look at the medical concerns and emotional turmoil that a future pregnancy might bring, but it also offered a ray of hope that should make the sadness easier to bear. -- A.C., New York

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