A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman

Banality, self-absorption & narcissism in a thousand metaphors

I read this memoir in one evening, not because it is gripping (it is not) but because it is short. I found myself praying that the shallow insights, endless banal metaphors, and self-absorbed ramblings of a privileged and narcissistic woman would finally lead to some useful insights. Perhaps, I thought, the author will be magically transformed into someone with whom I could actually enjoy spending an hour. I was disappointed. Joan Anderson writes of her own 'journey of self-discovery.' She comes off as a whiny wealthy woman who has spent her adult life gazing at her reflection in her husband, her sons, her work, and her friends. At the age of fifty, she does not like what she sees, or perhaps she simply doesn't want to recognize herself any longer. She escapes to her second home on Cape Cod for a year to indulge herself and make herself the center of her world - with no petty distractions such as family, friends, community, or responsibilities. In every person, task, tide, seashell, snowfall, seal, and grain of sand Anderson comes across, she again seeks (and finds) her reflection. She spends this year creating metaphors for herself. (I think I counted five on one page!) and smugly congratulating herself for her now open and conscious self-absorption. By the end of the year, she likes what she sees--so much so that she now offers workshops to help other women discover themselves. Many women have found this to be a life-changing book. I was not one of them. Perhaps I just could not identify with Anderson, and I guess I'm a little relieved by this. As the Kirkus review concludes, 'A less-than-enthralling journey of self-discovery marred by more than a touch of self-congratulation.' Pass on this one.

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

A MUCH READ!

A friend recommended this book. I was hesitant because her and I have such different tastes when it comes to books. I'm a mid-forties, middle class woman, married in a happy to dull marriage. This book is amazing! It's hard to believe how Joan Anderson unzipped my head crawled inside and read my thoughts and feeling and then crawled back out and wrote this book! THIS BOOK WILL ENLIGHTEN ANY WOMAN and make you reevaluate your life (in a good way) and at the same time make you feel understood....and isn't that what we all want. It's only 147 pages and an easy read. It is worth the money and your time. I guarantee it!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

An Inspirational Read

Though I am not quite as old as Joan Anderson when she embarks on a journey to rediscover herself, I can completely relate to her need to redefine herself beyond the confines of "mother" and "wife". I admired her courage and her honesty. There's a lot that women of all ages and walks of life can learn from Ms. Anderson's account of her search to find herself.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Be inspired

An important book for us women who are so good at giving to others and not to and for ourselves. Not everyone will find their way the Joan did but I'm so grateful she stumbled and fought her way through. Her courage en-couraged me to reach, to try and to stretch. Bless you Joan Anderson for all you've given so many.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Intriguing - yet left me wanting more

This book, while it is filled with great wisdom, left me wanting more. I feel there are a lot of gaps in information shared & a lot left out. It was like reading a journal with a little hit and miss in recordings. I found myself rereading paragraphs or a page or two in order to follow what was happening or what the intent of the writer was. I truly did identily with much of what was written: the experiences, descriptons with nature, and I love the honesty shared. I feel the author held back and tried to make the book a little too simple. I suspect she has a lot more to give and watch for more in depth work from her in future writings.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Answering the Questions Within

I am not an avid reader, but 'A Year By The Sea' has opened up my mind to search for more knowledge. After reading this book I realize that we should never stop searching out who we are today and who we are yet to be. As we seek answers to our unanswered questions of life we are growing and learning more about the person we are deep within. I believe, Joan, with all her courage to find out who she really is speaks volumes of hope for everyone. Never stop looking for your dream because anything is possible.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Just Okay.

I didn't particularly care for this book. It seemed to just fill the pages like one fills a day when you don't really have anything to do. Parts were interesting, but overall, it just seemed rather ordinary and non-productive. I think I was looking for a story with more enlightening experiences. I'm glad for the author that she felt she made personal progress, but it seemed to me more that she just took a needed and extended vacation from her daily life. We all need those times of re-evaluating our lives from time to time, I suppose. I would like more concrete realizations as the outcome, however.

A must read for any woman at a crossroad in her life after years of serving others.

What an awakening Joan Anderson can inspire!
Her journey speaks to all women who have questioned their purpose. By purpose, I do not mean the purpose our loved ones and society has customized us to believe is our life's purpose; but of our personal endevor that makes up the solitary journey through life's phases. She inspires the freedom and courage to look into our very core for the talent, strength, and joy that makes us all individually unique and beautiful. She shares with the reader her personal journey to find meaning in "her" life and by coincidence crosses paths with the spouse of one of the most influential experts in behavorial science. She freely shares the wisdom with the reader and if the reader listens closely she will notice a subtle change in the way she views herself, the way she approaches life and suddenly the yearning will awaken to discover what indeed makes each one of us individually unique.
The truly unique aspect of this series of books is that you can see yourself in these life stages or transistions regardless of where you are at today.
The enlightenment will inspire you to begin your own personally unique jouney.

Inspiring!

I found this little book at a second-hand shop and was drawn to it because the title reminded me of Mrs. Lindbergh's book, "Gift From the Sea" which I had read and enjoyed. I've never stepped away from my life for a year -- most women don't have that option. But I very much relate to the need to step away and have done so for a few days here and there, or just a few hours -- taking a drive or a walk just to think, pray and be alone. I don't think I could have left my husband for as long as she did even if I could have, but everyone's journey is different. In the end, Joan became a better person for her experience and so did her husband. If her story can help other women in the same boat, then I'm glad she has shared it. I thought the experiences she had and the lessons learned were so important and meaningful. Too many people go through life pulled from one event or demand to another, rarely taking inventory of their lives. If you don't, how will you know if you've gotten off course and how will you correct it? Your life is controlling you instead of the other way around, if you never pay attention to the undercurrent in your life. I loved this book and am getting ready to dive into more of Joan's books!

A Year by the Sea

I found the book very though provoking. It was an well written quick read. I would have loved to do the same when I was that age. I would like to read the next two books in the series

Self-discovery

I love this book so much that I give it to friends who turn 50. The self-discovery that Joan Anderson goes through is inspiring for women of any age.

The haunting world of the reflective mind

Of course we can't all run off and sit by the sea and take stock of our lives, but this book, by example, makes a very good argument for doing it. Indeed, for me it acted as both proxy and catalyst. As the author progresses toward her epiphany, the sensitive reader will enjoy or be confronted by a similar experience. Reading YEAR BY THE SEA is like a long conversation. Every man should read this book, if only to learn that the human mind and heart is built on some beautiful and bewildering universals. Likewise, I think women will really enjoy a beautofully written book called IN THE GHOST COUNTRY, about a man who finds haunting, beautiful and sometimes bitter company in his memories as he struggles through a lonely journey to the bottom of the world. Pure poetry.

Truly inspiring, a reread

I read this book last year during my 48th year and loved it. I am rereading it now and am getting even more insight from it. I wish the author had included more information about her past, but any woman can relate to Joan's search for her authentic self. Due to the influence of this book, I have decided to take a few days and go to the beach by myself, something I would never have thought of doing before.

Highly Recommend it.

I ran into this book during a break up three years ago. This is the book that helped me get through that break up. Only in my mid 20's, I took the much needed time to be alone and put the past in perspective. I had been worrying about the other person's needs the 2 long years I was in the relationship and in return received nothing but heartache. It gave me courage to move on and explore the interests that I had abandoned. More importantly, I once again became independent. When I moved a month ago, I found the book in a box and read it for the second time-although my situation now is much different. I am happily married to a wonderful man. I'm looking forward to reading the sequel: An Unfinished Marriage. I recommend this book to everyone, regardless of age.

Not for everybody

I almost hate to assign stars to this book - it may, after all, be just the ticket for someone else. I personally don¿t like the book because it has some important underlying premises that the author has not examined. Anderson calls us to be spontaneous and not worry about other people¿s expectations: if she wants to meet people who have REALLY lived by that standard, she should visit prisons and homeless shelters. Her advice is suitable for her husband and herself given that he was willing and able to retire and live with her on Cape Cod, presumably with a pension that will support them in an acceptable lifestyle. How about her sons, whom she says have been raised to go for the brass ring? You don¿t generally get that by ignoring other people¿s opinions and living spontaneously. Her friend Joan Erikson tells her that people should only work at things they enjoy, anything else is a dead-end, no matter how well paid. This assumes that everyone has a clear vocation that will conveniently support them in the style to which they wish to be accustomed, or which is so fascinating that they will be unconcerned about their material circumstances as long as they follow their dream. This is a very popular fiction in our society, but about as realistic as waiting for Prince Charming to come along in his shining armor. The struggles of the working poor or the necessary compromises to pursue the varied goals of life, including living with other people in a family must be firmly ignored to believe in this happy vision. Being a single woman, responsible for her own support, I don¿t find my job fulfilling, but I do find it remunerative, and since I have to provide myself with food and shelter, I can¿t lightly give it up. I also feel compelled to point out that Anderson has not considered her husband¿s point of view. The premise here is that she has smothered her own needs in order to attend to those of her family, including her husband¿s career. Has it ever occurred to her that her husband felt that he was smothering all HIS needs to pursue a career that will support his family?

There is always more to learn...

Thank you Joan Anderson for your GREAT courage of opting for the unexpected and then for sharing it generously with all of us. I truly appreciate being shown that day-by-day growing without knowing the future, is safe and loving. She has given women a great gift and the long-term husbands I have shared this book with, have also appreciated being given a glimpse of what their wives might be experiencing.

Celtic Magic

One of the most wonderful books that I have ever read. While I loved every word of the book, I was especially spell bound reading about her visit with the seals. It was magic. A grand book to set your compass and travel through life.

A Needed Freedom

Because of where I am in my own life, this book absolutely hit as close to home as one could get. The book makes you want to go and get away from everything and fill the need of doing and experiencing the things that Joan did. I am obsessed now with finding other books along the same line and I have ordered several. I will definitely read this book again in 6 months to boost my independence once again.

READ WITH CAUTION..IT MAY CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

I had never read Joan Anderson before and this book was recommended to me by a friend. I loved this book!..I have been married almost 50 years and some of the thoughts she had and the things she said..conclusions she came to were so familiar to me...There are parts of her that could be me! That is one of the wonders of this book, I think, is that the feelings are so universal with women. I read it and a week later , I read it again. It is a book to be treasured, devoured slowly , with much thought and introspection. Good for Joan!..

Nuture for the Womans Soul

This was one of the best spiritual awakening books for woman I have ever read. All through this book I keep on saying, ' I am this woman' There were so many quotes that rang true, I would of written them down but there were far to many of them. A friend lent me the book, after reading it I went out to buy a copy for myself, and ending up giving it to a friend. As a married woman of 24 years and 4 children who haven't left the nest yet, I plan on reading this book once a year, just to remind myself to take care of me. I'd love to get a signed hardcover copy.