Ability To Sleep On Toilet Required

Overview

I Ain't Broke..Stop Trying To Fix Me!

Living with a disability sure is hard work. But contrary to popular belief, it's really not the end of the world. Oooo I can just hear the grumbling now!

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Overview

I Ain't Broke..Stop Trying To Fix Me!

Living with a disability sure is hard work. But contrary to popular belief, it's really not the end of the world. Oooo I can just hear the grumbling now!

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781432728359
  • Publisher: Outskirts Press, Inc.
  • Publication date: 7/31/2008
  • Pages: 180
  • Product dimensions: 0.38 (w) x 9.21 (h) x 6.14 (d)

Meet the Author

Diane (Dee) Hart Sandin marks her debut as an author with this offbeat collection of short stories. Ability to Sleep on Toilet Required is the culmination of observations and adventures experienced first hand by the author, stories infused with humor, sort of living on the edge and perhaps slightly tinged with madness. Welcome to her world. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Dee lives in Florida with her very patient hubby Tim "Tavy" Sandin.
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Read an Excerpt

Excerpt from the story "More Ranting Therapy" in Part Three - Rantings and Serious Ravings from the book Ability To Sleep on Toilet Required.

And then, the all-time pain-in-the-behind most annoying question?

"What did you do to yourself?"

Like we did this on purpose. Like we had nothing better to do one day than go out and break our backs, necks, or contract an illness, just because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives in a wheelchair being ostracized by society.

But someone recently gave me the best answer I ever heard for that one.

Next time someone asks me what I did to myself, I will tell them I got injured jumping out the second story window of a whorehouse during a raid.

They will either never bother me again.

Or they'll ask me how much I charge.

From Ability To Sleep on Toilet Required - Part Two: Intimacy & Intimates

Nipping and Tucking

I've been thinking about cosmetic surgery. Oh I can hear the naysayers now - "you're in a wheelchair. Like you need to alter your body some more." Yet if I ever have the resources and can get pass the chickeny stage, I'd like to get me some. I don't want to get my tongue split or my face changed to look like a wildebeest or anything. I just want a few alterations, like trying to make the suit fit a little better.

Speaking of chicken, my neck would be the first thing. When I put my head down, my face and neck kind of melt together and make me look like a bloating lizard. The alternative is holding my head up high and look down my nose at everybody.

I was kind of thinking of getting my eyes done. Nothing excessive; I'd just like to see my eyelids again. Theproblem with this one is I don't want to end up with that permanently surprised look or worse, looking like Kenny Rogers. I can hear Hubby complaining, "I can't sleep with YOU staring at me like THAT!"

Of course, I want a tummy tuck! That's a must to remove the perpetual loose skin, that thirty odd years of sitting in a wheelchair all day, has generated around my mid-section. I could wear those cute little belly baring tops without worrying about little kids poking my gut, thinking I'm the Pillsbury Dough Boy's sister.

Oooh but my most secret wish is to have a serious pair of hooters.

Spotting a well endowed lady, I say to Hubby, "Wicked!" I'm asking Santa for some of THOSE for Christmas!" And he always says NO! He's from the "more than a mouthful is wasted" school of thinking. I say it would be nice to at least HAVE a mouthful to waste!

"Just think about it," I exclaim, "wouldn't you be all proud when I brought home the twins?" He gives me that "I should have read the fine print before I married you" look. I can see him complaining, "I can't sleep with YOU trying to poke my eyes out with those THINGS!"

Sigh . . . no super sized McGuffey's for me.

Maybe some Angelina Jolie lips.

Maybe I'll stay as I am and let hubby sleep.
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