The Accidental Vampire (Argeneau Vampire Series #7)

The Accidental Vampire (Argeneau Vampire Series #7)

4.4 354
by Lynsay Sands

View All Available Formats & Editions

Ever since an accident turned her into a knockout vamp, Elvi Black's been catching her z's in a coffin, staying out of the sun, and giving up garlic. She knows there's more to being undead than what she saw in Dracula, but she can't very well ask her mortal friends about proper biting etiquette. But when her neighbors placed a personal ad for her in the

…  See more details below


Ever since an accident turned her into a knockout vamp, Elvi Black's been catching her z's in a coffin, staying out of the sun, and giving up garlic. She knows there's more to being undead than what she saw in Dracula, but she can't very well ask her mortal friends about proper biting etiquette. But when her neighbors placed a personal ad for her in the local paper, she never imagined she'd meet Victor Argeneau, a vampire who could have his pick of any woman—dead or alive.

Rich, powerful, and drop—dead gorgeous, Victor's the perfect man for a novice neck—biter like Elvi. He's willing to teach her everything he knows, but he'll have to do it fast. Someone's out to put a stake through her new vamp life, and only Victor can keep her safe—and satisfied—for all eternity.

Product Details

HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
Argeneau Vampire Series, #7
Sales rank:
Product dimensions:
6.70(w) x 4.16(h) x 1.05(d)

Read an Excerpt

The Accidental Vampire

Chapter One

It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi. Piercing and full of terror, it ripped her from sleep and had her moving before she was quite awake. She started up abruptly only to curse and drop back down when her head slammed into the wooden lid of the coffin.

Groaning at the pain vibrating through her skull, Elvi closed her eyes against the stars dancing before them and pressed a hand against her forehead. She'd really cracked herself good and would have liked to clasp her head in both hands and roll around in agony for a moment, but the casket wouldn't allow it.

And then a second terrified shriek reminded her of why she was awake.

She reached out with the hand not holding her head and gave the coffin lid a shove that sent it flying open. She then had to release her head to get up. Climbing out of a coffin was a two-handed job, and ridiculously strenuous first thing in the morning. Especially before her first bag of blood.

Elvi cursed her way out of the contraption, her bare feet slapping on the hardwood floor as she hurried out of her room without even bothering to grab a robe to cover the white cotton nightgown she wore. Another scream cut the air as she raced up the hall. A fourth was being issued just as she burst into Mabel's room. Elvi slammed the door open, uncaring that it crashed into the wall and probably left a lovely hole.

She spotted Mabel at once, standing on the bed in her robe, backed against the wall, silver hair a chaotic mass around her head and eyes wide with panic. The woman was waving a body brush wildly in the air at a bat that was swooping just aswildly around the room near the ceiling. She was also, apparently, screeching every time the winged animal came anywhere near her. Elvi watched as the bat swerved to avoid hitting the far wall and swooped back toward Mabel, setting off another shriek.

Veering to the side to avoid the waving shower brush, the bat swept through the open bathroom door and briefly out of sight. Elvi rushed over and slammed the door closed, trapping it inside.

"Oh!" Mabel collapsed on the bed, hugging the shower brush to her chest. "Oh, thank God."

Elvi propped her hands on her hips and scowled at her housemate. "You opened your windows last night." Mabel sighed at the accusation in her voice. "I had to open the windows. It was hot, Elvi."

"I know it was hot, Mabel. I live here too."

"But your windows have screens on them. The ones in your bedroom, at least."

"I sleep in a coffin," she pointed out in dry tones. "There are no windows in a coffin. Trust me, I know it was hot. But you can't open your windows until the replacement screens are in."

"Well, when the hell are they going to put them in already?" Mabel asked impatiently. "It's been two weeks now."

"They had to be specially made and shipped from the manufacturer," Elvi reminded her.

"Yes, because every damned window in this place is a different size," Mabel muttered.

Elvi's mouth quirked with amusement at her disgust. "Welcome to the world of Victorian houses. Ain't it great?"

"Ha!" Mabel snarled, and then sat up with alarm when Elvi moved toward the door to the hall. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"Back to my coffin."

"But what about the bat?" she asked with dismay, scrambling off the bed as quickly as her sixty-two-year-old body would allow and hurrying after her.

"What about it?" she asked, continuing up the hall.

"Well, aren't you going to get it out of my bathroom?"

"Do I look stupid to you?" Elvi asked with disbelief. "I'm not going near that thing. Call Animal Control."

"Animal Control? They won't be open now."

"They must have someone on call for emergencies. Call and find out," Elvi said firmly over her shoulder.

"But that could take hours," Mabel protested. "Can't you just get it out? I mean, you should have some sort of affinity with it."

Elvi paused at the door to her own room and turned on her in amazement. "Do I look like a flying rat to you?"

"No, of course not," Mabel said quickly, then added, "but you're a vampire and it's a bat . . . There should be some empathy or understanding or . . . something. Maybe if you tried you could talk to it."

"Right, and by that reasoning we should all be able to talk to monkeys. Let's try that the next time we're near a zoo," Elvi snorted, then repeated, "call Animal Control."

"Elvi!" Mabel cried and stomped her foot when Elvi turned to continue on into her room. "I can't take a shower with that thing in there."

"Mabel, there are six bathrooms in this house with showers and tubs. Use one of the others."


Elvi closed the door on her further protest and moved toward the coffin, but paused when her eye caught the time on the digital clock on her dresser. Whipping back around, she yanked her door open and scowled at Mabel's retreating back. "It's nine o'clock!"

"So?" Mabel sounded miffed and kept walking.

"So why didn't you wake me up at eight o'clock like I asked?"

"Because you haven't been sleeping well, and you're exhausted, and I decided to let you sleep in . . . rather kindly in my opinion, but then I'm a kind considerate person . . . unlike some people who won't even try to talk to a bat for a dear faithful friend."

Elvi scowled over the attempt to put her on a guilt trip, and then ground out, "Mabel, it's Owen's birthday today. I have to make a cake and see to the decorations, and—"

The Accidental Vampire. Copyright © by Lynsay Sands. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Read More

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network


Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >

Accidental Vampire (Argeneau Vampire Series #7) 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 351 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Like all the books in the Argeneau Series, this one was wonderful, you won't want to put it down once you start reading. Loved, loved, loved it.
harstan More than 1 year ago
New to the world of the night, THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE Elvi Black struggles to adjust. She mourns her inability to get a tan, eat food especially pizza, and sleep in a bed as coffins are not particularly conducive to anything but the sleep of the dead. Her friends are worried about her adjustment so though she tried to hide her change, they know and try to hook her up with a male vampire though where to find one seems difficult as the matchmaking services don¿t mention anyone with a bite. Her neighbors place a personal ad seeking a vampiric hunk as a companion to a female nightcrawler.----------- Taken aback with the ad that they assume is an inane joke by a mortal, the Vampire Council sends agent Victor Argeneau to investigate and if necessary kill the individual. When he meets Elvi he knows he found his soulmate and much more as shockingly she has a town filled with humans willing to die to keep her safe even as someone else who read the ad wants to teach her one particular aspect of being a vamp, a stake through the heart.----------- This a terrific amusing supernatural romantic suspense due to the desperate antics of the beleaguered heroine who feels like a newborn without adult supervision trying to hide what she has become. Victor is a strong courageous individual who besides mentoring the rookie risks his soul to keep his forever mate safe. The support cast enhances the overall tale especially the townsfolk who add a unique twist and the slayer. Sub-genre fans will enjoy Lynsay Sand¿s enjoyable tale and seek her previous winning vampire romances (see VAMPIRES ARE FOREVER and BITE ME IF YOU CAN).--------- Harriet Klausner
love2read_kbl More than 1 year ago
WONDERFUL! Victor’s story. Victor is Vincent’s father – from book # 5 of this series. I’m not sure how to describe this book, without giving anything away. I enjoyed it so much, that I did not put it down until I finished it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
There is 20 books in this series,just finished this one. I like them all so far
thnkGd4coffee More than 1 year ago
I read the reviews before I purchased the book. The ones stating that it was not well written and were silly worried me. Then I read it and loved it! You truly have to make up your own mind. I find this author hilarious and her works inviting. It just makes me smile to start a new book of hers and I will be sad when I finish the most recent one and will have to wait. Have fun reading!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was the first of the series I read. It was so funny and sexy. a great book. I WOULD SAY FOR AGES 16 AND UP!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
OMG! this book is amazing. It's one of those kinds of books that you never want to put down. It's a page turner.
Guest More than 1 year ago
this was the first book out of the series that i read. it was the best out of them all for me, but i think it is because this is the first one i read. this book was outstanding. i just can't even explain how good it was just....THAT GOOD! i was kind of sad when someone was trying to kill Elvi but Victor had her back...and her front HA! but in the end they both are ok and live happily and i think they get married, but then wedding isn't part of the book. awesome book though
Guest More than 1 year ago
I'm a huge fan of Lyndsay Sands, so I was rather disappointed upon reading this story. It seemed so rushed and there was a lack of family connection that is a part of her other vampire novels. Also Elvi was rather silly and not understanding of how important it was to keep vampires and their ways a secret. For an older woman she behaved like an teenager and was unwilling to change anything about herself while Vincent had to do everything to please her! I read it and it had it exciting and funny parts but I found some of it lacking.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This entire series is addicting!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
kronan1 More than 1 year ago
Poorly Executed..................................................... This started out with a cute idea and may have worked as a novella or short story but as a full length book it bombed.   The joke was dragged out way too long.    The heroine to ditzy.  The hero to dull.   I'm really surprised at  Lynsay Sands.  She is better then this insipid effort. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love all of her vampire books as well as some of her other series. I really enjoy the humor she injects into her books. It is so good you can't help laughing out loud. These books you just can't put down. I've read well into the night telling myself I can still get to work with only 4 hrs of sleep and the next thing I know is my alarm is going off. :) Choose any of her books, this one is one of my favorites, and enjoy a great read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
ssmommie75TB More than 1 year ago
Excellent novel by Linsay Sands, as usual. Sands books seem to have the witty humor and just enough mystery to keep me turning the pages. I really enjoy reading all of her books, especially the immortal series. In this book the recluse Victor gets sent on a case thinking they have an immortal breaking every law among their kind. Elvi didn't know there were laws or other immortal's. She also got all of her information from movies.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book had some funny parts but at times the story dragged a little for me.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
As uaual, lynsay keep me reading all night long. Loved it!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love this series!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A truly interesting love story with all the quirks of the series plus a few twists. this series is captivating hard to put down and gets you out of the every day and into their world
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
this one does not live up to expectations.