- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
From: Venus, Goddess of Love, 120 Main, Mt. Olympus
To: Stacy Temple, lapsed temptress
Stacy, Stacy, Stacy.
You were so promising at the beginning: Sexy, smart, personable and funny. Great on dates and really great afterward-if you know what I mean. But this is a sad state of affairs; or, in your case, non-affairs! It's been nearly an entire year and you haven't had your way with even ONE eligible male. You've...
From: Venus, Goddess of Love, 120 Main, Mt. Olympus
To: Stacy Temple, lapsed temptress
Stacy, Stacy, Stacy.
You were so promising at the beginning: Sexy, smart, personable and funny. Great on dates and really great afterward-if you know what I mean. But this is a sad state of affairs; or, in your case, non-affairs! It's been nearly an entire year and you haven't had your way with even ONE eligible male. You've been working so hard concocting sexy lingerie for Thongs.com -- and really, Stacy, if that little pink velvet bustier didn't put you in the mood, I don't know what to say! -- that you haven't even tried to be coaxed out of your own thong.com!
Are you listening, Stacy? Seven days to find the perfect man -- or else!
Stacy Temple, 32, redheaded and pink of cheek, the very picture of health, if not happiness, lifted the pointed chin of her heart-shaped face and said, "Suicide on a roll."
She'd been waiting on line at the deli for over ten minutes, and had managed to apply full makeup and read up to page six of the New York Post before placing her order.
"Butter, too?" asked the man in the apron behind the chrome counter.
"No, thanks," she said, turning the page of her paper.
"Oh, go ahead," said the deli man. "Two fried eggs with bacon and cheese on a roll? Why not add some butter to lube up your digestion?"
Stacy had been coming to this hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon, crammed between two fifty-story silver towers on Park Avenue, for her weekday breakfasts for over a year. Never once had her conversation with the grill man varied from the usual pattern: her pleasantly issued request, his grunt of acknowledgment, her barely audible appreciation, his forking over the food.
Thrown by the shift from their usual exchange, Stacy looked at the man who prepared her morning meal. He was 24, 25 maybe, with wiry black hair. Greek? Italian? Mediterranean ancestry, but no trace of an accent. His round face rested solidly on a thick bull neck. He showed her his smile now, a wide one that spread across his face like the butter he was pushing. Chiclets for teeth. He vibrated with the nervous edge of a pent-up human animal, forced by financial necessity to flip eggs for strangers over a hot grill in New York City July, seeking a bit of kindness on a Monday morning, asmall friendly exchange with a pretty girl to brighten the drudgery of the day.
She smiled back at him. "That's very considerate of you to think of my digestion, but I'll pass. Thanks again."
From beneath a black, bushy eyebrow, the man winked. Then he winked with his other eye. And after that, he puckered his lips and made a "kissy-kissy" sound.
Stacy Temple, redheaded and suddenly redder of cheek, gasped. Someone behind her laughed. She clutched her tote and the Post to her chest and exited as quickly as possible in kitten-heeled mules.
"And the worst part about it: Where can I go for breakfast now?" Safely at her desk on a floor near the top of one of those silver Park Avenue towers, Stacy cradled the phone on her shoulder, picked grudgingly at the dry bran muffin she purchased from the building's cafeteria vending machine, and scrolled through her E-mail.
On the phone, the impatient voice of her best friend, Charlie Gabriel, asked, "Are you multitasking me? I hear clicking. And chewing."
"I'm swiveling." Guilty, Stacy turned her chair and attention away from the computer screen. Formerly a segment producer at NPR, she currently served as vice president in charge of merchandising and marketing for thongs.com, the on-line retailer of lacy intimates. Facing her north wall, the one lined with racks of flimsy, strappy things on hangers, bolts of red satin stacked on the industrial gray carpet, Stacy said, "I felt violated."
"Guys must hit on you all the time," ventured Charlie.
"You are low frequency," he said. "Every part of your body language communicates, 'Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. Keep two hundred feet back.' Your clothes mix the signals, though." Charlie was high frequency. When they walked into a room together, any room, all eyes turned toward him and stayed there. It wasn't just his physical bearing (tousled blond hair, six-foot six inches of tautness, red lips and otherworldly green eyes) that drew attention. His voice, baritone, bounced, and the words he chose as effortlessly as a fish swims couldn't be discounted.
"Men can tell you're nonsexual," he said. "They can sniff that out. The faintest whiff of indifference to dick will lead a man to completely ignore, with disdain, the most gorgeous woman in the room."
Stacy said, "If I have such indifference to dick -- which, by the way, would make a great title for your next documentary -- why would the deli man hit on me?"
"Two possible explanations," said Charlie. "His olfactory sense -- the means by which men can deduce a woman's sexuality -- has been bacon impaired. And, two, he can tell that you are a celibate, and he wanted to rattle you for his personal amusement. It's a power trip. A petty form of sexual harassment."
"Then I'm right to feel violated," said Stacy. "I reject the assumption that the entire world can smell sexual inactivity. Besides, I am not a celibate who reeks of disuse. It's just been a long dry spell. And stop saying the word sex or sexuality or sexual. It's not even nine o'clock." Stacy checked her watch. "I've got to go. Emergency meeting."
"Miracle advances in thigh highs?" asked Charlie.
"Desperate search for the next big thing. I'll be pushing for a resurgence of the whalebone corselette," she said.
Charlie, a former doctoral candidate in medieval studies (currently a movie reviewer for noir.com and an aspiring documentary filmmaker), asked, "You're selling armored vests?"
"That's a corselet," Stacy corrected. "A corselette is a rib-crushing encasement of Lycra that fits over a woman's body, cramming her breasts, belly and protruding hips into a compact, tight, saucy package. Think Elizabeth Taylor in Butterfield 8. In approximately ninety seconds, I will go into an eight-hour meeting to convince my bosses that this garment of magic and grace would be most appealing to the women of America with silk rosebuds stitched into the cleavage well."
"Then I'll be brief," said Charlie. "Just say yes or no. Are you coming to the screening tonight?"
"Will I see you for lunch on Thursday?"
"That's a no."
"Yes," she said.
"Do you find it ironic that someone who sells crotchless finery for a living never has the occasion to wear it?"
"I'm wearing some right now." Actually, Stacy encased her own tight, saucy body in a knee-length, bias-cut skirt of thin gold leather ...The Accidental Virgin. Copyright © by Valerie Frankel. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Posted June 29, 2012
It's like cotton candy for the brain, not good for you, but fun every now and then. I read this a couple of years ago, it was rather good....so is Hex and the Single Girl. Valerie's book Smart Vs. Pretty was horrible (I just finished that yesterday and left a bad review for it).
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 5, 2011
Posted September 30, 2013
Posted August 4, 2013
To begin with, the description of this book completely misled me as the Goddess of Love made no appearance in this story, whatsoever. I quickly got over that, however, and became so immersed in Stacy Temple’s life that I finished this book in 5 days! I’m still surprised by that because I’m a notoriously slow reader and there just haven’t been many books that I literally inhale so quickly.
Stacy Temple is your typical young working gal who has had her share of ups and downs in the relationship arena. After her last relationship ended nearly a year ago, Stacy’s focus turned to her career at an Internet start-up company selling sexy lingerie that she has neglected her sexual needs. No big deal, right? Apparently Stacy discovers it is a very big deal. She learns through a sex column emailed to her by a friend that after one year of celibacy, a girl gets “re-virginated.” No, “it” doesn’t grow back, but according to the column, it may as well as you are officially a virgin again. This sends Stacy on a quest to get lucky before the one year mark. With failure after failure with several prospective partners (one of which is a paid escort gifted to Stacy by her boss!!!), Stacy’s desperation rockets upward.
This book was hilarious. I laughed out loud throughout the book while shaking my head combined with a little bit of eye-rolling at what was waiting on the next page. However, I couldn’t help but cheer Stacy on. I had to give the girl points for seeing it through despite the odds of overall failure. Who knew it would be so hard to find someone to have sex with in New York City? Finding out how this would all shake out kept my anticipation level rising at the same pace as Stacy’s desperation.
This was a very fast read for me that made me laugh out loud several times. I highly recommend this to fans of both the chick-lit and contemporary romance genre who are looking for an entertaining and humorous book to escape into…eye-rolling optional.
Posted October 22, 2012
I forced myself to get halfway through before calling it quits. Too much description, not enough action. Characters are not all that memorable except maybe the guyfriend. Plot is very weak. Not worth paying for.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 10, 2009
I Also Recommend:
I was unsure about this one because reading the back of the book did not exactly entice me to buy it. I read the sample through the eReader and felt that the sample does the book much better justice as far as giving the reader a "glimpse" of the story. I enjoyed this book so much I read it in one day (yes, I took breaks to eat and take a little nap), I was immediately sucked into the story and learned about the main girl's--well--situation. I was laughing, thinking, and reminiscing through all of the obstacles she encountered as the story progressed. Great book!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 7, 2009
I Also Recommend:
Valerie Frankel has just made me a fan! This is my first novel from this author and i absolutely loved it! The plot was hilarious, and unlike any other chick lit novel I have ever read so far. 'A woman in her early 30's goes on a man hunt to save herself from becoming a virgin again!' Stacey is a riot, every chance she gets at a sexual encounter turns ugly! Just a great overall read. I will surly be reading more from this author, and I def recommend it to all chick lit fans! I only wish that in the end the author gave the readers some insight as to what happened between Stacy and Oliver!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 15, 2009
I Also Recommend:
Great Book...soo funny...the story is fun!!
Valerie Frankel is one of my favorite writers of all times. Her books are gripping from the first page and laugh-out-loud hilarious. Every story has great characters, heartwarming plots, and hilarious dialoge. You'll fall in love with all the characters from the beginning and want to read every book she has ever written. You won't regret this buy!!!
Posted April 19, 2009
I Also Recommend:
First I have to say that the synopsis is misleading. This doesn't have anything to do with Venus (goddess of love).
All in all this was a quick entertaining read. I wouldn't say that it is worth the price new, but if you found it while you were out an about at a used book store or at the library I would pick it up.
Valerie has a comical look at romance in this book that gives a few good laughs.
Posted October 23, 2007
When I first started reading this book I was so into it & very excited about the read. About half way through I got really bored, put it away & read a couple other books instead. Well one day I came upon it again, needed something to read so I finished it. It wasn't bad. I don't completely regret buying it, but I do wish it would've been on sale.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 28, 2005
Posted April 22, 2004
i looooooved this not so much because it is sexual, but because of what she goes through to devirginate herself. it was funny, sexy, shocking and i felt bad for her. but i knew who she was gonna be with, and the ending is very awesome. chapter 12 i would have to say was hilarious.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 24, 2004
This book was a hilarious tale of modern business and sexual misadventures, which go hand-in-hand these days. The author creativly and comically captures the humor of being a Singleton in sea of married,taken,vain,or cheesy mooks of men, and how waiting can get you everything you want.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 11, 2003
An intriguing story with a very confused main character that gets lost in all things dealing with love and/ sex because of a dot com writer who ends up being wrong. We keep wondering if the girl will ever end up with who the audience wants her to be with and if her dilema will ever be solved.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 16, 2003
This book was pretty entertaining for about the first 100 pages. However, I soon felt that Stacy was going to the extreme in order to not become revirginized. Some of the things she started to do (Taylor from her work, Tom her boss's son?) really started to ring untrue and her behavior reminded me of a s--t. Would a smart successful woman really do what she was doing? After awhile I grew bored with her increasingly stuipid choices and gave up. I dont know how it ended and to be honest I dont care. I like to read books with characters that you care about and after what happen with her best guy friend I just decided I didnt like Stacy too much,I didnt much care about her 'delima' or the rest of the story.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 18, 2003
I can relate to this book. It was very entertaining and quirky. The characters were painted in vivid detail and jumped across the pages. I do feel that the escapade dragged on for a bit too long and the ending was rather unbelievable (not in a good sense). It was yet another unrealistic 'happy' ending. It would make a good hollywood movie, though!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 16, 2003
When a girl in my book club decided that we were reading this book for our next meeting...I have to admit that I was very skeptical...the title gave me the wrong impression about the kind of book it was going to be. I'm so glad I did though. Even though some of the language was very 'adult', I fell in love with the main character and all of her trials and tribulations. My husband said that he's never seen me laugh so hard while reading a book! It took me less than 5 hours to finish it...I couldn't put it down! I would definitely recommend this book to everyone.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 9, 2008
Thirty-two years old Stacy Temple defies the laws of physics that says Manhattan is a swinging singles paradise. She has worked so hard over the past year that she lives in abstinence. The Gigi XXX Internet column insists that no sex for a year equate to theoretical virginity....... A shocked Stacy realizes she is close to committing a capital offense especially for someone toiling at Thongs.com, a sexy lingerie on line shop. She decides to find a male to share some quick action, but has seven days to go before she wears the kick me sign in neon that emphasizes virgin territory. Who should do the honor: her former boyfriend, her buddy, a stranger, or an on-line date?...... Though often witty, THE ACCIDENTAL VIRGIN focuses on a woman¿s quest for casual sex due to the belief that the worst felony in life for a thirty-something is being a virgin. Stacy is too intelligent and driven to worry about a virginity doomsday clock written over the Internet, a source of with information, but also misinformation and disinformation. Once the reader leaps past the inconceivable crusade, fans of chick lit will find a humorous tale especially when the story line focuses on the lead character¿s harried lifestyle....... Harriet KlausnerWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 8, 2003
A woman who hasn't had sex in almost a year? Hello? Is this a book about me? The premise is simply perfect: A job-obsessed woman, Stacy, wakes up, realizes she's shelved her libido, and has only a week to reclaim her sexual status, or she turns into a virgin again. She proceeds to date at a frantic pace, finding men everywhere (if only it were as easy in real life). All her encounters go horribly, horribly wrong. But no matter how desperate she gets, she never loses her sense of humor, dignity or style. Snortingly funny. Smart, too.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 31, 2009
No text was provided for this review.