Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

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Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment Pub. Date: 1/27/2009 Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

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Overview

Steve Harvey can’t count the number of impressive women he’s met over the years—women who can run a business, keep a household with three kids in tiptop shape, and chair a church group all at the same time. So when it comes to relationships, why can’t these women figure out what makes men tick? According to Steve, it’s because they’re asking other women for advice when they should be going directly to the source. In his indispensable relationship guide Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, now the basis for a major motion picture, Steve lets women inside the male mindset; introduces concepts such as the ninety-day rule; and reveals the five questions women should ask a potential partner to determine how serious he is.

Sometimes funny, sometimes direct, but always truthful, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a book you must read if you want to understand how men think when it comes to relationships, intimacy, and love.

Editorial Reviews

New York Beacon

“Filled with practical principles, rules and tips, and illustrated with humorous and warm-hearted anecdotes from Harvey’s life and friendships, ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN gives readers the real deal about the differences between the sexes and how to bridge them for a mutually rewarding partnership.”

More Reviews (1) Fewer Reviews

From The Critics

“Harvey offers surprising insights into the male mentality and gives women strategies for taming that unruly beast.”

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780061728976
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 1/27/2009
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 20,740
Product dimensions: 5.80 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey began doing stand-up comedy in the mid-1980s. His success as a stand-up comedian led to a WB network show, The Steve Harvey Show, which ran from 1996 to 2002. It was a huge hit and won multiple NAACP Image Awards. In 1997, Harvey continued his work in stand-up comedy, touring as one of the "Kings of Comedy," along with Cedric the Entertainer, D. L. Hughley, and Bernie Mac. The comedy team would later be reunited in a film by Spike Lee called The Original Kings of Comedy.

Read an Excerpt

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Chapter One

What Drives Men

There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head first, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you'll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood—the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And until he's achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough—to wrestle, climb, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to work hard—to do chores around the house, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel the snow, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect—to watch out for his mother and his younger siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name—make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of thesethings is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.

The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, it's only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he's achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in sync. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.

This is certainly how it worked for me. I'll never forget how disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy I was when, in my early twenties, I was laid off from the Ford Motor Company. I was already a college dropout, and now, without a job, I hardly had enough money to take care of myself, much less a family. This left me unsure of my future—what I was going to do, how much I was going to make, and what my title would be. The titles "college graduate" and "Ford inspector" were gone; having no job pretty much meant that my chances of bringing home a good paycheck were zero; and I hadn't a clue how I was going to make money. It took me a while to find my footing. I dabbled in various jobs: I owned a carpet cleaning business; I sold carpet; I sold Amway products, the Dick Gregory Bahamian Diet, and ALW Insurance and Commonwealth Insurance. It was madness what I was doing to try to get my life together. Finding someone serious to settle down with was the absolute last thing on my mind.

Then, one night a woman for whom I used to write jokes encouraged me to go to a local comedy club and sign up for amateur night. See, I knew I was funny, and I made a few dollars—very few dollars—writing material for up-and-coming local comedians who were trying to find their way into the industry. But I hadn't a clue, really, how to go about getting into the business for myself. Still, this woman saw something in me and told me to take the stage.

So I did. And I killed. I won $50—which today may not seem like a lot of money, but when I was broke at that time, it felt like $5,000—for telling jokes. I also was guaranteed another fifty dollars if, as the winner, I opened the following week's amateur night competition. The next day, I went to a printer and spent fifteen dollars of my winnings on business cards that, along with my phone number, read: Steve Harvey. Comedian. They were flat and flimsy and didn't have any raised lettering, but those business cards announced that I was Steve Harvey (who I am), and that I had a special talent in comedy (what I do). How much I was going to make remained to be seen, but at least I had the "who I am" and the "what I do" lined up.

If men aren't pursuing their dreams—if we're not chasing the "who we are," the "what we do," and the "how much we make," we're doomed. Dead. But the moment that we figure out the puzzle and feel like our dreams are taking shape, new life breathes into us—it makes us vibrant, enthuses, and animates us. From the moment I became a comedian, I stepped onto that stage ready to be the very best.

Even today, no matter how tired I am, no matter what is going on in my life, I am never late for work, and I've never once missed a gig. Why? Because when I wake up, my dream is in check; I'm living it out live and in color every day, whether it's on the radio during the Steve Harvey Morning Show, or on television with my various projects, or onstage, during my Steve Harvey Live shows. Who I am is certain—I'm Steve Harvey. What I do is certain: comedy. And how much I make is right in line with what I've always wanted for my family and me.

Introduction: Everything You Need to Know About Men and Relationships Is Right Here 1

Part 1 The Mind-Set of a Man

1 What Drives Men 11

2 Our Love Isn't Like Your Love 19

3 The Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Loyalty, and the Cookie 39

4 "We Need to Talk", and Other Words That Make Men Run for Cover 52

Part 2 Why Men Do What They Do

5 First Things First: He Wants to Sleep with You 65

6 Sports Fish vs. Keepers: How Men Distinguish Between the Marrying Types and the Playthings 73

7 Mama's Boys 89

8 Why Men Cheat 100

Part 3 The Playbook: How to Win the Game

9 Men Respect Standards-Get Some 121

10 The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets in Too Deep 135

11 The Ninety-Day Rule: Getting the Respect You Deserve 154

12 If He's Meeting the Kids After You Decide He's "the One", It's Too Late 170

13 Strong, Independent-and Lonely-Women 186

14 How to Get the Ring 200

15 Quick Answers to the Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask 213

Acknowledgments 239

Customer Reviews

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beart72

Posted March 9, 2009

No self esteem or requirements for your dates, then you should read, otherwise pass. 200 page excuse for why he cheated on his wife.

Okay.. so there is validity to the information Steve says about men being very simplistic, the three P's as he refers... If women have low self esteem and have no requirements for how men treat them and no expectations of their dates then maybe this could be a useful read for them. Women definitely need to limit the crap they put up with and scratch men off their potential list if men can't raise the bar. Steve suggest why would you want this man if he cannot show he's "all in", but really, it does not drive home to women they are worth more than the man who's not "all in". The Book "He's Just Not That Into You" is far better with all of this! After my laughing through the first 55 pages of obvious anecdotes about men and how they think (women get a clue) the next 172 pages felt like Steve writing an excuse and justification for why he once cheated on his wife.. This book contradicts itself so many time it's head shakeable, suggesting one thing and then suggesting it again completely different. I know Steve has come across all kinds of people in his line of work but perhaps his cushioned lifestyle that he's had these many years now has given him a false sense of what real dating these days is like. He's writing the book as a tool for us women to use to get a man and hopefully keep him from cheating on us, therefore I guess he felt absolutely no responsibility to also suggest (accept for one line) that not only should women turn on the honey for the "cookie" (physical intimacy) and to keep their partners but men should as well. Yeah, perhaps if you are a stay home wife/mother you can heed all the advise herein suggesting that you date yourself back to the Leave It To Beaver Days, but if you are a hard working woman who's also bringing home the bacon, it takes two to tango the home into cookie giving harmony. The language it's written in is so elementary it will not challenge your vocabulary at all. The book, if you can get it 2nd hand for a few bucks is worth a read, dropping $25 to read 225 pages of excuses for an affair is not worth the money. Again there is validity to Steve's words, that men have basically not evolved much past caveman days, but I'd say... Steve it's been a long time since you have been on the market, not only have I seen some men who've slightly evolved beyond what you suggest but I also know that women are not the only one's who need to keep up the sweet appreciations towards their partners.

49 out of 71 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 27, 2009

I Also Recommend:

Not too shabby...

This book, written by funny man Steve Harvey, is about letting women into the male's mind, how he thinks, why he ticks like he does. The author knows his stuff and simply puts it out there for all of us. It's a good read that is at times eye-popping. I'd recommend this to my girlfriends, that's for sure.

17 out of 19 people found this review helpful.
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Fee36

Posted February 20, 2009

more from this reviewer

Everything you thought you knew CONFIRMED!! and some things you may not have known.

This book was real. It wasn't sugar-coated. It was straight to the point and directed at the reader. Simply stated, it was Steve in written format. It confirmed that my speculations, sometimes called paranoia, were on point. It was refreshing to hear this from a man, a real man, who cares enough to help us women out because, frankly, some of us really need it. For those of us who didn't have active fathers or big brothers, to educate us, this book will do it no matter what age you are. It is cut and dry, very simple to understand, and should not leave you with any question or confusion. Personally, I thought Steve will catch alot of flack from men, but if they are real men, that actually care about women and the state of relationships today, I believe they will support him. This is a great read, you can't go wrong, and if you start to slip go back and read it again!

14 out of 16 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 29, 2009

Explanation + Understanding = Inner Peace! Yes!

I read the book in about 5 hours, which brings me to what I most loved about the book... It was to the point. A lot of self help books are packed with a lot of fluff and reiterating - you have to read about 3 chapters just to get down to the nitty gritty. Not Steve's book. He was very insightful, and when I finished the book, I knew exactly what I needed to do... Rid myself of Fear!

Also, I am now crystal clear on why men behave the way they do. And I understand why things in my past relationships happened the way they did.
Explanation + Understanding = Inner Peace! Yes!

Thanks Steve!

13 out of 15 people found this review helpful.
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1WEva

Posted September 21, 2009

more from this reviewer

Keeper or Plaything?

New York Times Best-Selling author Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man Addresses what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. The book jacket pictures Steve with a wry, knowing smile perhaps from his work as a comedian but now a syndicated talk show host. Harvey states that everything is in the introduction but reveals some of the basic points. Somewhere he becomes serious and lures the reader by sporting wisdom gained through his 50 years in becoming a man, a son whose parents celebrated 64 years of marriage, and a father. He talked with athletes, movie stars, brokers, bankers, truckers, ex-cons, and hustlers - all of whom think in a similar way. Harvey has also consulted a wide range of women - those who can run a small business, keep a household with children, or chair a church group. Women who seek good men but have to know the signs when they meet one and know how to keep their relationship thriving. There are lists every woman needs to consider to determine a man's seriousness and lessons on how to spot a "mama's boy" whose mother controls their relationship.

From focus group sessions Harvey discusses the fundamental differences between the sexes. Men keep life simple and their love is expressed in a basic manner. A man's love is shown in three fundamental ways: to profess, provide, and protect his lady. He professes his love for her to everyone who might doubt this, provides money for rent, heat light car and food, and protects her honor from disrespect from anyone and he eliminates her access to dangerous tasks. She does not have to ask for her due and should always reward him with praise for his tangible show of love. What defines a man is who he is - his title, what he does - his job, and his reward - his salary. Until he has three all in check he is too busy to focus on a woman. This is his check for manhood, his dream, and is always a check as to whether his "house is in order." A man wants and needs to be the best in some arena somewhere. He needs appreciation, support, and loyalty which ultimately build trust. Harvey addresses why men run away from a relationship and why they cheat a major concern at this time.

While a woman is kind and compassionate, patient, nurturing and generous, she ultimately bestows her love unconditionally. A lady needs to set and keep standards. Harvey uses an analogy of being employed by a major corporation.. Just as Ford puts him through a three-month probationary period to prove himself for final acceptance with all benefits, a lady needs to do the same and not be quick to dole out the "cookie" until a man shows his intentions. Both "players" know about the "cookie" reward. Does a man want a "keeper" or is he playing a woman who has no standards or self-respect. For example, she should be appropriately dressed at all times, should allow no touching, coach him on opening heavy doors, and seating her at a table. With a classic style like that of many published authors, Harvey employs the 'KISS' delivery of keeping his message simple with various brief but illustrative scenarios. Every woman, from debutante (including their escorts), and single mothers with children can get the truth in one to two sittings with his affordable book which comes highly recommended.

11 out of 12 people found this review helpful.
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squigglie

Posted March 1, 2009

more from this reviewer

Reality in Print

Great book that I read in three days! Steve Harvey gives practical advice on what men really want and expect from a lady.

10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.
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JuneBaby3

Posted April 22, 2009

A waste of money.

The information given on the Oprah show was, essentially, the entire book. The interview was considerably more entertaining. It would have made a better booklet of approximately ten pages.

7 out of 11 people found this review helpful.
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ltyflds

Posted February 16, 2009

more from this reviewer

Steve Harvey at his best!!

I read this book in two days, would have finished sooner, if I didn't have to go to work. Steve is letting women know the constant mistakes we make, how helpful from a man's point of view!

6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 31, 2009

We'll see how this works

I heard about this book from my mom. Im a Steve Harvey fan. But when I heard what the title was I thought why is he trying to make things worst on us young me who are aspiring to be good husbands a fathers like our new president. But then after thinking about it. I said to myself he's not hating on his fellow brother, but in fact helping us who are involved with woman who are too damb strong sometimes. --Ladies yal can tear a relationship apart too. Stop playing verbal games because you can't over power us physically.--Instead try to learn how we think and what makes us tic, what our fuel is,cause best believe thats what we have always done. Take pimping for example.
But my relationship is in a down spiral and I can't for the life of me get this train back on track. Now I am a new parent of 7 wk old twin girls and I here taking care of all three. But I can't get her to see things clearly. Im faithful and everything and trust is not an issue, But there is sooo much DRAMA that all comes from her. SERIOSLY--Im gonna buy this book for Valentines day while im gone on a trip for family reasons. I hope that when get back it has made a difference. Then I'll send another review.
P.S. If it works ill even read it my damn self.

6 out of 29 people found this review helpful.
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Rhoyalty

Posted February 2, 2009

Excellent Read!

I purchased this book Friday evening at 6pm. It's Monday morning at 8pm and have about 30 pages to go. I just wanted to let you all know that this book is worth the money!

5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
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satisfied-reader

Posted August 9, 2009

Men and Women Take note!!!

This book was an instant hit for me. As a man, I was worried that Mr. Harvey had given us a bad name and or a misrepresentation. However, you will find the truth of the simplistic nature of the men that you deal with daily. In addition men will find in these pages hidden the insinuated guide of what a real woman that is a "keeper," is like and how she will act. As much as it may hurt, if you are ready to give up "the game," you will find the description of what to look for (in general) in between the cover of this book. I highly recommend it, especially for the utility found in the last chapter of the book. Women and Men take note. Steve Harvey is speaking and telling the truth.

4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted July 27, 2009

I Also Recommend:

Found out a lot I didn't know.

Overall, this is an excellent read for women. It is written by a man, so there's much to tell us. If you are having trouble in the men department, give this one a whirl. It's really helped me out.

4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted February 28, 2010

Insightful

This is an insightful and easy read. This book provides knowledge that every woman's father should share with her. If nothing else is provides great insight from the male perspective.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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AngelinaRose

Posted February 20, 2010

Awesome Book

I read this book on a business trip and was sharing the information and jokes he uses in the book. It was awesome. Would recommend this book to anyone.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted February 20, 2010

Act like a lady, think like a man

Excellent book. A must read for every woman. I wish some of the things Steve Harvey says werem't true, but they are and too many women are hiding their heads in the sand when they could be taking better charge of their relationships.

Thanks, Mr. Harvey!!

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 18, 2010

If you're not religious don't read this book.

This book basically shoves God down your throat while throwing in some jabs like, "if a woman doesn't love god then she doesn't love herself."

Screw you Steve Harvey, I'm FABULOUS without god.

3 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted October 12, 2009

Great book!!

I read this relatively short (about 250 pages) book that was very clear, in plain English, and helpful! I actually tried the 90 day rule and it works (unfortunately the relationship didn't, but at least I found out within 90 days)! I recommend this book to all ladies, especially single women.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Icebreaker87

Posted July 26, 2009

Ladies Only

This book for young women who have been faced with the enigma of men. This is the perfect solution! It's fun, an easy, fast read and very thought provoking.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted July 20, 2009

Act Like A lady, think Like a man

I have read this book, three times and still holding on to the book;
I called my boyfriend and told him he should read this book:

3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted July 11, 2009

I Also Recommend:

A MUST-READ for all your Daughters, Sisters, Aunts, and Female Friends!!!

First and foremost, I am one of many single, credentialed, Muslim women in her early 30's and this book is applicable to EVERY female, regardless of age, race, religion, pedigree, and country of origin/residence. It was as if Steve took all the advice my Brothers, Uncles, and TRUE male friends, blessed it with a God-consciousness, and wrapped it up with the TRUTH.

One of the most profound revelations I experienced when reading the first three chapters of this book was: this applies to our Fathers and our male co-workers. Our Fathers, because this is the first male relationship females form and it impacts every male interaction going forward. If Men are not where they want to be when their children enter this world, how does this impact the development of their daughters and sons? Jada Pinkett's father sat her down and honestly said "I cannot do this Parent-thing." Wow!!! The truth is difficult to hear, but very liberating.

As much as many of our mature, well-adjusted, professional colleagues try not to bring their personal challenges to work -- they do. If you have the misfortune to report up to or work closely with a Man or Men who are insecure, immature, without integrity or strength of character, not 'his own Man', and is selecting the wrong choices to be successful...this book should make you 1) fall out in laughter & tears, and 2) quickly take action to improve your work life. Either way, you will change what you say, do, and how much you extend yourself to maintain the professionalism to protect your mind, spirit, and heart while he struggles toward his destination.

The consensus of my Muslim women friends who were raised cosmopolitan or traditional, the only thing missing was a chapter on "Abstinence, Chastity, and Safe Sex" or as we titled it in the classic Steve Harvey Sister Odell jargon: "Mary vs. Mary Magdalena"

This would have been a perfect compliment to the story of his daughter, her presumed boyfriend, and being "Kicked Around." Steve references many Christian phrases and practices, but does not address a subject which is very prominent in Christianity, Islam, and Judaism: "The Virgin Birth." Talk to the women who believe, raise/raised, and practice Chastity as a covenant between them and God. Talk to women, who represent the highest and growing, newest infection cases for HIV/AIDS.

Otherwise, we are looking forward to Steve writing a book titled "Be a Man -- Acting is for Cowards and Pimps."

3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

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Customers Who Bought This Also Bought

More About This Book

Overview

Related Subjects

Editorial Reviews

New York Beacon

From The Critics

Product Details

Meet the Author

Steve Harvey

Read an Excerpt

Table of Contents

Rating Distribution

No self esteem or requirements for your dates, then you should read, otherwise pass. 200 page excuse for why he cheated on his wife.

Not too shabby...

Everything you thought you knew CONFIRMED!! and some things you may not have known.

Explanation + Understanding = Inner Peace! Yes!

Keeper or Plaything?

Reality in Print

A waste of money.

Steve Harvey at his best!!

We'll see how this works

Excellent Read!

Men and Women Take note!!!

Found out a lot I didn't know.

Insightful

Awesome Book

Act like a lady, think like a man

If you're not religious don't read this book.

Great book!!

Ladies Only

Act Like A lady, think Like a man

A MUST-READ for all your Daughters, Sisters, Aunts, and Female Friends!!!