The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

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Overview


An invaluable resource for couples in which one or both partners have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled partners towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it, and to integrate ADHD into their relationship in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling which can often discount the influence of ADHD, this discussion offers advice from the author's personal ...
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Overview


An invaluable resource for couples in which one or both partners have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled partners towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it, and to integrate ADHD into their relationship in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling which can often discount the influence of ADHD, this discussion offers advice from the author's personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages—such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues—through the use of descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. The first third of the book is dedicated to helping couples identify how ADHD impacts their relationship. The last two-thirds provides a specific set of steps couples can move through to overcome their hurt and anger, once again develop loving ways to interact with each other, and find the joy they’ve lost in their struggles. This book encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause. Also included are worksheets and various methods for difficult conversations so that couples can find a technique that fits their unique relationship and improve their communication skills.
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Editorial Reviews

Dr. Edward M. Hallowell
On-target, practical, and helpful. [The] straightforward, empathetic prose strikes just the right balance between explaining why things happen and what couples should do in response.
Nancy Ratey
This book is long overdue and much needed!
Rebecca Shafir MACCC
Refreshingly to-the-point, do-able, and compassionate.
Dr. Edward Hallowell
On-target, practical, and helpful. [The] straightforward, empathetic prose strikes just the right balance between explaining why things happen and what couples should do in response.--(Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, founder, Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health)
Nancy Ratey
This book is long overdue and much needed!--(Nancy Ratey, EdM, MCC, SCAC, author, The Disorganized Mind)
Rebecca Sharif
Refreshingly to-the-point, do-able, and compassionate.--(Rebecca Shafir MACCC, author, The Zen of Listening)
From the Publisher

"On-target, practical, and helpful. [The] straightforward, empathetic prose strikes just the right balance between explaining why things happen and what couples should do in response.”  —Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, founder, Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health

“This book is long overdue and much needed!”  —Nancy Ratey, EdM, MCC, SCAC, author, The Disorganized Mind

“Refreshingly to-the-point, do-able, and compassionate.”  —Rebecca Shafir, MACCC, author, The Zen of Listening

"A beacon of light and hope, offering strategies that help couples feel happier and more satisfied."  —Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, author, More Attention, Less Deficit

“An incredibly valuable service to those struggling in a marriage with ADHD."  —Kevin Murphy, PhD, coauthor, ADHD in  Adults: What the Science Says

“Ms. Orlov’s book provides what many leave out—empathy for both partners."   —Sari Solden, MS, LMFT, author, Journeys Through ADDulthood

“Readers will find a wealth of information and support as well as practical tips, exercises, and stories.”  —Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, coauthors, You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!

“If you are in a marriage affected by ADHD, this book is a must read for both spouses."  —Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, LMFT, author, ADD & Romance

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781886941977
  • Publisher: Specialty Press/A.D.D. Warehouse
  • Publication date: 9/1/2010
  • Pages: 225
  • Sales rank: 81,008
  • Product dimensions: 6.94 (w) x 11.28 (h) x 0.61 (d)

Meet the Author


Melissa C. Orlov is one of the leading experts on how ADHD affects marriages. She writes a regular column on this topic for ADDitude Magazine, gives lectures, and writes online at www.ADHDMarriage.com. She lives in Wayland, Massachusetts.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 11 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Posted September 3, 2010

    Extremely Helpful Book

    My wife (who has ADHD) and I (who does not) have just started reading this book together, and we are already benefiting from it!

    This is the first book that I have been able to find that isn't only about understanding ADHD and the behaviors that tend to be associated with ADHD. It also addresses behaviors that are associated with the nonADHD person in the couple. And that is essential in order for both partners to feel validated, and also in order for each partner to feel empathy for the other.

    In the past, when my wife and I have attempted to read other books together - books that were written for couples in which one of the partners has ADHD - my wife always felt so bad that her ADHD behaviors were causing such pain for me that she was unable to continue. She came away feeling that since she was the one with ADHD, she was to blame for all our problems. And in some ways, I actually agreed with her. But because she was feeling so guilty, she wasn't able to take a step back and really see the effect her behaviors were having on me. And so we were stuck.

    The ADHD Effect on Marriage, on the other hand, puts the "blame" not just on the ADHD, but also on the nonADHD spouse's very predictable responses to ADHD behaviors, and also on the ADHD spouse's predictable responses to the nonADHD spouse's responses! So both of us are able to more clearly understand how we are each contributing to the dynamic. She can see the effect her behaviors have on me, and perhaps more importantly, I can see the effect my behaviors (in response to her behaviors) are having on her. And ironically, rather that both of us just feeling bad that we are to blame, we actually now feel that we can work together to improve things.

    We've only gotten through the first part of the book - Understanding ADHD in Your Marriage. And already we are listening to each other more, and fighting less! And we both look forward to reading the next section - Rebuilding Your Relationship in Six Steps.

    I think if you are in a relationship where one person has ADHD and one does not, I believe you will find this book to be very helpful.

    I'll write up an update when we have finished the second part of the book.

    12 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 7, 2010

    FINALLY!!!

    A great book that helps couples work with ADHD in the marriage! ADHD does lots of damage to an intimate relationship. Melissa has practical advice and applications from her own personal struggle and victory in her own real life marriage. My husband and I loved reading this together and finding hope for ourselves...It easy to read, gives hope and encouragement, that an ADHD marriage can be "better than ever" with some understanding, coping skills and comminication. This is a wonderful tool! Maria L.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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