Adoption Healing: A Path to Recovery for Mothers Who Lost Children to Adoption

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Overview

Adoption Healing... A Path to Recovery for Mothers Who Lost Children to Adoption is a unique book. The reader is provided with a description of the immaculate deception imposed on pregnant women and the ensuing tragedy of the loss of their babies to adoption and the profound effects on their lives. This is followed by different methods of healing the mother's wounds, including inner child work, visualizations, healing affirmations, and anger management. Every chapter includes a Myths and Realities of adoption ...
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Adoption Healing... a path to recovery for mothers who lost children to adoption

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Overview

Adoption Healing... A Path to Recovery for Mothers Who Lost Children to Adoption is a unique book. The reader is provided with a description of the immaculate deception imposed on pregnant women and the ensuing tragedy of the loss of their babies to adoption and the profound effects on their lives. This is followed by different methods of healing the mother's wounds, including inner child work, visualizations, healing affirmations, and anger management. Every chapter includes a Myths and Realities of adoption section, a summary of the chapter and exercises to do on one's own.

About the Authors:
Joe Soll, the author of the original Adoption Healing... A Path to Recovery for adoptees is a diplomate psychotherapist and lecturer internationally recognized as an expert in adoption related issues and a former adjunct professor of social work at Fordham University Graduate School. He is director and co-founder of Adoption Crossroads in New York City, a non-profit organization that helps reunite and gives support to adoptees, original parents and those who have adopted.
Adoption Crossroads is affiliated with more than 450 mental health institutions and adoption search and support groups in eight countries, representing more than 500,000 individuals whose lives have been affected by adoption. Adoption Crossroads is also dedicated to educating the public about adoption issues, preserving families and reforming current adoption practices.

The director and founder of the Adoption Counseling Center in New York City, Mr. Soll is also co-organizer and co-chair of the New York State Adoption Agency Task Force; a member of Matilda Cuomo's 1993 Advisory Council on the "Adoption Option"; conference chair and board member of the American Adoption Congress, a trustee of the International Soundex Reunion Registry. He's a fellow of the American Orthopsychiatric Association, the American Association of Grief Counselors, and a member of the Council on Social Work Education, the National Association of Social Workers and the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.

Since 1989, Mr. Soll has organized and coordinated seven international mental health conferences on adoption attended by mental health professionals. He has been an expert witness in court about adoption related issues and has lectured widely at adoption agencies, social work schools, mental health facilities and mental health conferences in the U.S. and Canada.
Mr. Soll has appeared on radio and television more than 300 times, given more than 130 lectures on adoption related issues and has been featured or quoted in more than three dozen newspapers, books and magazines. In 1994 he was portrayed as a therapist in the NBC made-for-TV movie about adoption, The Other Mother. He recently played himself in the HBO original movie Reno Finds Her Mom. He was featured in the 2001 Telly Award winning Global Japan documentary, "Adoption Therapist: Joe Soll".
His own story as an adoptee has been presented more than thirty times on Unsolved Mysteries. He has walked the 250 miles from New York City to Washington, D.C. six times to create public awareness of the need for adoption reform. He resides in Congers, NY and maintains an office in New York City.

Karen Wilson Buterbaugh is one of seven exiled mothers whose personal experience of surrender during the "baby scoop era" of the 1960s was audio taped for Everlasting," a multimedia sound and video installation by artist Ann Fessler. The stories collected for this exhibition, which showcased the voices of mothers of loss from the 1950s and 1960's, will become part of the women's oral history collection at Harvard University's Schlesinger Library.

In 1966, Karen was first interred in two "wage homes" with strangers, ironically without wages, before being deposited as an "inmate" at the Florence Crittenton maternity facility in Washington D.C. She completed her senior year at the facility before giving birth to her daughter, Michelle Renee, at George Washington Hospital, Washington, D.C., in July 1966. Both were returned to the maternity facility and then separated on August 1, 1966, after she and her baby had spent ten days together in the facility's post-partum wing. Thirty years later, she hired an investigative agency to locate her daughter, now named Maria. Their in person reunion took place in February 1998.

Ms Buterbaugh has been writing about adoption since 1997 and is the author of two articles, "Setting the Record Straight," published by Moxie Magazine (April 2001), and "Not By Choice," published by Eclectica Magazine (January 2002). Her personal story of adoption surrender, "Relative Strangers: A Mother's Experience of Adoption Loss" is scheduled for publication in 2004.
Karen is co-founder of Mothers for Open Records Everywhere co-founder of OriginsUSA and a founding member of Mothers Exploited By Adoption. She is married and lives in Virginia. She has three grown daughters. Her oldest, Michelle Renee, was the baby she lost to adoption.

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What People Are Saying

Carol Schaefer
Adoption Healing needs to carry a warning: 'Beware! Read at your own risk. Long-buried feelings are bound to surface. Not advisable to read without support.' Adoption healing is not for the fainthearted. Some will say it's radical, and it is. But it is the very radicalness that leads you to your own truth -- to the place of healing.
author of "The Other Mother" and "Mary Queen of Scots" ; playwright of &quotThe Sacred Virgin"
Joss Shawyer
This book is a 'must read' for every mother who lost her precious infant to adoption. It is the wake-up call for mothers who have 'sleep-walked' through their lives from the moment their babies were taken for adoption and given to 'worthier' people. It will lead her safely through the quagmire of painful, suppressed memory, out of the darkness of denied love, of exile, into the light of a life fully lived. It is essential reading for therapists. It will equip them to assist mothers into recovery and beyond. It provides therapeutic possibilities for mothers, and educational possibilities for therapists, to help both understand the depth of the life-long dysfunction in mothers following adoption. There is a long and painful recovery ahead for every mother. This book will help therapists to understand....how deep the trauma goes. This book validates the mother's adoption loss and deals with her wounds. Out of the lies surrounding adoption, comes this truth. How terrible it is to lose a child. No one who reads this book will be able to view adoption as a viable 'solution' to unplanned pregnancy, ever again. This book shows the mother of adoption loss how to deal with the pain and how to reclaim her motherhood and her humanity. It will lead her safely home to herself.
author of Death by Adoption
Rickie Solinger
Adoption Healing is a testament to the terrible and long-lasting injustice that was done to so many women in our recent past, when 'authorities' snatched their babies and told these mothers that they would forget. Buterbaugh and Soll have crafted a deeply caring book that reaches out to mothers who will never forget.
author of "Wake Up Little Susie: Single Pregnancy and Race before Roe v. Wade", and "Beggars and Choosers: How the Politics of Choice Shapes Adoption, Abortion, and Welfare in the U.S."
Sandy Musser
As an adoption reform activist, I found Adoption Healing to be the most straightforward and honest book I have ever read. The authors presentation of the material explains the myths and facts of the exiled mother's experience in a most clear and concise manner. Adoption Healing is one of those very special books that is difficult to put down!
Adoption activist and author of "I Would Have Searched Forever" & "To Prison With Love."
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780967839011
  • Publisher: Adoption Crossroads
  • Publication date: 10/28/2003
  • Pages: 193
  • Sales rank: 1,016,786
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 1.80 (d)

Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 12 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 8, 2010

    Superb book!

    Detailed Ratings

    Posted June 9, 2004, 10:43 AM EST: Adoption Healing should be top of everyone's reading list...it should also be the No:1 gift for family members who have no idea of the trauma we suffered when we lost our children to adoption. I found it extremely hard to put down: it's a real page turner and it's written with great care understanding. I highly recommend Adoption Healing: it's an educational masterpiece and a real eye-opener. I just wish it had been around when I lost my child to adoption over thirty years ago because it would have saved me years of guilt and self-loathing. It's a first-rate book...top read.

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    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 27, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    A real insight into the adoption experience.

    I am a birthmother and while my adoption experience is not that of which this book discusses, I still found this book to be helpful. Every adoption experience is different. By no means do I feel healed but I do find comfort within the pages of this book. The book explains what birthmothers in the past have gone through and offers ways to help the birthmother cope. I warn you, you may become very emotional if you are a birthmother while reading this book. The book puts into words exactly how I felt, Broken. If you are a birthmother, read this book, it can help. If you are a family member or friend of a birthmother, read this book. If you are an adopted parent, read this book. If you are a child of adoption, after you read the other book, read this book. There are not many books that will explain what a birthmother goes through and if you want to have an understanding of what she goes through then read this. There are also not enough books out there that can truly help deal with the lifelong pain a birthmother experiences when forced to give her child up for adoption. This book was the closest I have come to finding something that can help me.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 9, 2004

    Adoption Healing- A Must Read Book

    Adoption Healing should be top of everyone's reading list...it should also be the No:1 gift for family members who have no idea of the trauma we suffered when we lost our children to adoption. I found it extremely hard to put down: it's a real page turner and it's written with great care understanding. I highly recommend Adoption Healing: it's an educational masterpiece and a real eye-opener. I just wish it had been around when I lost my child to adoption over thirty years ago because it would have saved me years of guilt and self-loathing. It's a first-rate book...top read.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2004

    A must read for Sufferers of Adoption

    Mr. Soll's book has an incredible way of validating the loss associated when Mother's place their child into adoption. This is more than a book, it is a healing journey in which one can mourn and begin the road to recovery. It was so very reassuring to know that I am not alone in my sorrow and agony. Mr. Soll helps you understand why this is such a horrific loss, and what you can do to begin to cope and recover. This book is a God-send to anyone who is mourning the loss of their baby. Joe is very empathetic and compassionate, he truly desires to heal people's souls! (It is no coincidence that his last name is Soll!) Diane

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 18, 2003

    Adoption as a social problem

    'Adoption Healing: A Path to Recovery for Mothers Who Lost Children to Adoption' is a tremendous reading experience. It takes the reader to a painfully poignent point of empathy with the ostracized, unwed mother. The book illuminates a profound paradox in life: a sanctioned pregnancy is a joy which is celebrated in every respect-- an unsanctioned pregnancy can be devastating to the pregnant woman and all touched by her plight. This is the most succinct and powerful book on the adoption experience as a social problem that I've ever seen. As an adoptee, I thank the authors for writing it!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 24, 2003

    The shameful lifelong legacy of adoption separation

    Waves of relief washed over me as I turned the pages of Adoption Healing to see that the myths surrounding mothers forced to surrender their babies to adoption was at last being publicly exposed. Buterbaugh and Soll have cut through the comforting theories and societal brainwashing by adoption promotors to lay bare the shameful truth of the adoption industry's predatorial collective mindset that remains indifferent towards the deep psychological and emotional harm it has invoked through its promotion of adoption to unsuspecting young women. That a book about healing from adoption ever needed to be written at all is a sad indictment of adoption as a community service which tolerates such cruelty towards young mothers while sympathising with the plight of infertility and using adoption as its cure. This book will be both confronting and simultaneously comforting to any mother who reads it and recognises that Adoption Healing has finally given all mothers who have been silenced by the trauma of adoption loss, a voice. Dian Wellfare Sydney, Australia.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 27, 2003

    The truth revealed and trauma healed

    This book deals with the most basic trauma that a mother endures when she loses a child to adoption and it also focuses on healing of the wounds of this trauma. This trauma and the lifetime of loss and pain it brings has not been recognized by society as a whole. The life of this mother is forever altered by this experience and it affects her in a negative way the rest of her life. Joe Soll and Karen W. Buterbaugh expose the myths accepted by society about mothers who end up being separated by adoption from their children. The authors then replace these myths with the truths about these mothers, which shed light on the lies that were put forth to justify the removal of their children from them. As these myths are exposed and the truths are revealed about the trauma of losing a child to adoption, the mother is encouraged to retrace her path as the young woman who is losing her child. The method of Inner Child Work is used to take the mother down the path to healing. Each memory of the experience is dealt with on the emotional level of the mother at the age of losing her child. Once these memories and emotions are exposed and faced, then healing for this trauma and pain begins. Reading this book and going through the exercises suggested caused many thoughts, feelings, and emotions to surface that had not been addressed in my life as a mother who lost a child to adoption. I also realized that I had become fractured during the trauma of losing my child as a result of the grief and pain of losing my child. Not only did I gain an understanding of the young woman I was when I lost my child to adoption, but I learned how become a more whole person (not fractured) through healing of the pain of that young woman and first mother that I was. The insights in this book have helped me face the fear and terror of the memories and trauma of my experience, along with the lifelong struggles I have faced, in such a way that has finally caused a healing process to begin. Thank you Joe and Karen :)

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 16, 2003

    Informative, compassionate and insightful

    An excellent, well researched book that can be read on many levels. As a resource book, it exposes adoption myths with great love and respect for women who lost their children to adoption. The book also contains exercises to assist mothers in healing the damage of not being allowed to grieve their losses, to overcome the shame and guilt heaped on them, and the pain , anger and other issues that are the legacy of losing children to adoption. Joe Soll is an adoption therapist and himself an adoptee, who has yet to find his own family of birth. He has used his journey to help other adoptees and mothers who were separated from their children by adoption. In this book he has the assistance of Karen Wilson Buterbaugh. I highly recommend this book. It deals unflinchingly with past adoption practices, which even though the book was written about the American experience, is almost identical to Australia practices. I couldn't put this book down! Lina Eve

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 29, 2003

    A BREAKTHROUGH BOOK FOR MUMS WHO LOST CHILDREN TO ADOPTION!!

    How I wish I'd had this book three years ago when my daughter found me!!! Instead I had to struggle alone through all the feelings that surfaced after we were reunited, thinking that I was going mad as I experienced emotions that had been deeply buried ever since I relinquished my daughter in 1968. If I'd had this book then, I would have known that what I was going through was perfectly normal in the circumstances. This book is a breakthrough - with honesty, understanding and great compassion, it tells the truth about how we mothers who lost our children to adoption suffered (and suffer still). The book also firmly explodes the many myths that surround our experiences - all those things that relinquishing mothers the world over seem to have been told ('you'll get over it', 'it's for the best', 'your baby will have a better life', etc., etc.) - and it acknowledges our pain. Yet at the same time, it gives us hope that we can again be whole, giving us visualisation exercises and affirmations to help us work through the healing process. Every mother who has lost a child to adoption will gain something from reading this book - not least a better understanding of the trauma that we have suffered and which has for so long been denied by others and often by ourselves. Anyone else with a connection to adoption could learn much from this book too - our partners, our children (whether adopted or kept), our wider families and friends, adoptive parents, social workers, adoption professionals, therapists, etc., etc. Read it and be enlightened - and if you're a mum who lost a child or children to adoption, read it and cry for joy that finally, we are compassionately understood and offered a way to heal from our many years of suffering!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 16, 2003

    This book will change your life!

    It is an amazing book ... so sincere and honest .. and incredibly truthful. We must remember the mothers!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 16, 2003

    A Must Read

    Finally a book relating to adoption issues that tells the story no one wants to acknowledge. This book speaks to the issues that American society 'swept under the carpet' as relates to adoption and the 'same old story, new package' that still occurs today. Perhaps one of the most important aspects of this book is the validation, understanding and assistance it offers those who have be been personally touched by the world of adoption. It's time for adoption to be spoken of honestly. It's time to look at the whole story. It's past time for a book such as this. It's a true triumph for all, and a healing touch for mothers who have lost a child to adoption. A must-have for any professional working with issues relating to adopted persons and their mothers.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 15, 2003

    I FEEL VALIDATED!!!

    There are not many books out there at all that describe what it's like to lose a child to adoption. I felt validated when they talk about the lies that so many women were told. It felt good to see that the truth can be told about how women were coerced into losing their children. To see the deception that takes place in adoption, out in the open. I'm hoping this is a book that will get the attention of adoption brokers. Maureen McNamara

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