After the Affair

After the Affair

4.1 63
by Janis Abrahms Spring, Janis A. Spring, Janis Abrams Spring
     
 

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“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.”
—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an

Overview

“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.”
—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an affair.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. 

A staggering number of couples in America—about 70 percent—have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship. Written by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally known therapist and acknowledged expert on infidelity, this revised and updated version brings the groundbreaking classic into the 21st century, with a new section dealing with online affairs in cyberspace. For women who are struggling in their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology academics and readers fascinated by of popular psychology—this newly revised and updated edition of After the Affair is essential reading.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780694516520
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
04/28/1996
Edition description:
Abridged, 2 Cassettes
Product dimensions:
4.44(w) x 7.18(h) x 0.84(d)

Meet the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent.

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent.

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After the Affair 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 63 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
My wife keeps asking why we can't get past her affair. It's over, she says. She fine, almost happy, and I'm flip-flopping. Sometimes fine, other times angry, sad, even vengeful. I started thinking I must just be an emotionally weak person. Why can't I move on? How can she understand, when I can't. Then I picked up this book and there it was. I am human afterall, and so is she. When will I get over this anger, I don't know but at least now I know why it's there and now so does my wife. I will tell you right now that if it weren't for the children, she'd be out the door, by her choice or mine. Just like it says in this book. I know my wife has no regrets for her actions, but plenty of regrets to the reactions of being found out. Just like it says in the book. I now understand that she thought he was her soulmate, but now understands she was just his playmate. Just like it says in the book. I believe the author places too much blame on the hurt partner, but if you want to work it out I guess you have to give the unfaithful partner some solace, too. I hate that this has happened to my 17 year marriage, but I'm grateful I came across this book. I am not weak! I am human! This has been the best book I have found on making me whole again, and I think it's the best chance of making my marriage work again. I will say that I am sorry you are going through something similar in your marriage. It stinks, doesn't it? Get this book and start getting better. I recommend it so highly.
Guest More than 1 year ago
What I never thought would happen, happened. I discovered my spouse was involved in committing double adultery. It ended immediately. For my spouse, deep regret, shame, remorse, and humiliation. For me, anger, grief, disbelief, and an 'avalanche of losses', including the sweet memories of our marriage ceremony¿¿gone. We went through 'post-affair hell' for some time. Five months into recovery and working with a wonderful marriage therapist, I came upon this book 'After the Affair'. We began reading it ever so slowly, one chapter at a time on weekend mornings. (We even bought a huge cushy chair-and-a-half with lots of pillows to sit and read together, cuddle, talk, connect, recover and heal in.) This book made so much sense to us. It shed light on the truth about what happened and why. The affair was put in its place¿¿a big fat mistake. It became increasingly clear to my spouse what non-substance that clandestine activity was based upon. When you don't even know each other, are caught up in the notions of romantic love (which must end), there's a lot of hormones and self-suggestion going on. And oh, what a price was paid, on both sides....so many people negatively impacted. We are still recovering, but glad to have survived this crisis and kept our family together. This was the first of many books which helped us through. 'After the Affair' remains to be one of the best for us.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Five years ago I met the love of my life.(Lucas) In 1998 we had our first child, moved into a nice home, bought a new car and with in 18 months from our first...we had our second child. We had a happy family. This past July I slept with his best friend, from then on it turned into an affair from a one nighter. I didn't understand how I could turn my feelings off for the father of my children. As I look back now, I left him painfully. I had myself conviced that I didn't love him...I had a different answer to everyone who asked me how I could break up my family and do this to my children. After a while I realized I loved Lucas and wanted to get back together with him. I decided to tell him what I did, I knew that nothing solid could be built on a lie. Since I told him he has been real bitter, I had a hard time handling this. I bought this book, I couldn't wait to get home at night to be able to read it. I highlighted, folded pages and underlined areas, it was like reading the past 6 months of my life. Lucas says he has no intention on working on our relationship, he won't even read this book. Reading what I have from 'After the Affair' I've learned why I had the affair and understand where Lucas is comming from when he talks to me the way he does. People will tell you 'once a cheater, always a cheater' , 8 months ago I may have said it myself, today it makes me angry to hear it. I don't plan on giving up on Lucas, and hope to be able to tell you in time he has forgiven me. It's okay to make a mistake as long as a lesson has been learned. I just hope my lesson didn't cost my children as well. (If you have any questions please email me. I'm willing to do my best to answer any questions anyone has on this subject, even if you are the hurt.)
Guest More than 1 year ago
Before this spring, it would never happen to me, but was I surprised. After 20 years of marriage to my high school sweetheart, I found out she was having an affair with one of our friends. This book answered a lot of my questions and showed me that my feelings were not only MINE. The book was very helpful in understanding the feelings that are part of the healing process, both mine(the hurt partner) and my wife's. The book is also not written as a who's to blame book, but as healing for both partners. My wife and I will be married for another 20+ years due to this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Me and my fiance were high school sweethearts, at about our five year anniversary, I found out about his affair. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, the worst part was that we were to be married in a few months. I wasn't sure what to do, or what I was feeling was normal and if I should move on, or try and forgive. This book gave all the answers on why it happened, if you should stay, or try again, and how to heal your wounds. Today, nearly 4 months later, our relationship is stronger, and we are closer than ever. We read the book together, talked about what we read, and are still currently trying to heal those wounds. This book has been a great help. It helped us to understand, and have the strength and hope to take the long and hard journey to recovery and forgiveness.
Guest More than 1 year ago
When I exposed my husband's affair I was searching for anyone & any read that would validate what I was going through. I bought the book & my husband & I read it together. By reading this book, going to marriage counseling & alot of hard work & prayers my husband & I have put our marriage back together after being separated for almost 6 months. This was the only book about affairs that I found useful. It challenges both partners to look at what made their marriage unhealthy. We have been back together now for about 3 months & our marriage is the healthiest its ever been. It doesn't mean that their still isn't pain & alot of intentional communication & work. We still use the book. I highly recommend this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After catching my fiance' in an affair. I shut down n didnt know where to turn. My trust in everyone disappeared. I went through 2 horrible books that blamed me before i found this 1. Ive never been helped so much in my life. I usually just shut out who ever hurt me but this book has taught me so much. I didnt know up or down, if i wanted to stay or go. I wouldnt speak to him unless it was mean n nasty. This book guided me, it didnt make me feel guilt or jump to a decision. Best decisiin ever. Made not feel so alone n broken!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book will truly give you hope for a marital future after the ugliness of infidelity. The key to dealing with it all is getting past your own anger, guilt, resentment and pain before dealing with it as a couple. For that, I'd also recommend that you buy "When God Stopped Keeping Score," an intimate look at the power of God and forgiveness that every woman should read. Given the chance, it too could change your life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is a must read if you are struggling in the aftermath of an affair. It provides such a great insight on why things happen and really challenges to explore your heart and feelings. Another great thing about it is that it does not place outright blame on one party or another, looks at both spouses perspectives of the situation and gives the necessary tools to start rebuilding. Things that other people, family, therapists, etc. may have told you a hundred times but never really made sense become clear with reading this book. It has helped me very much so far and my husband is now reading it as well.
Guest More than 1 year ago
a great book to help you make sense of it all. The chapter about forgiving yourself for your moment of insanity saved me from total embarassment. Highly reccomend this book if you want to work through your problems, or even if you just want to understand how this happened to you. I am happily married 4 years later.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good advice and provides the "hurt person" with validation of his/her feelings--helps you to understand what you are feeling is normal and common.
Guest More than 1 year ago
If you thought you knew the signs read this truly insightful. Much needed look into the workings of the affair.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book
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