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aim lowQuit Often, Expect the Worst, and Other Good Advice
By DAVE DUNSEATH
Rutledge Hill PressCopyright © 2007 Dave Dunseath
All right reserved.
Chapter Onehistory of losers
History is a set of lies agree upon. -NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
Once upon a time, long ago and far away, before diet sodas and sacrifice bunts, three ships sailed across the Atlantic and changed the world forever. They were the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.
But they were not alone.
Following in their wake were three lesser-known ships. They were the Blamer, the Avoider, and the Envier.
So who were these distant finishers, these forgotten souls whose spirit and vision led them to see the world as Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers? Well, few apparently knew where they were headed. Most, if not all, believed they would never succeed. We do know that as soon as they reached the shore, they stuck an umbrella and an ice chest in the sand and declared it the Beach. They loved the Beach, even though it was crowded with pricey condos and two-hundred-dollar rounds of golf.
They made their way inland and sought shelter in trailer parks and around cul-de-sacs. And everyone talked about how wonderful the Beach was and agreed that anything was better than wearing a tie to work.
The Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers spent their days waiting for things that never seemed to happen, so they gave up trying. They fought constantly against a ruthless tribe of pillagers called the Creditors. Yet they still managed to fill countless hours of free time playing games. Their favorite game was called the "Complaining Game." The object of the Complaining Game was to figure out why they had to do things they didn't like doing and why they weren't getting to do things other people were getting to do. They played the Complaining Game every chance they could, even though it always ended the same way and everyone went home a loser.
Then one day, and no one can say when exactly, three more ships arrived. They were the Lawyer, the Attorney, and the Paralegal. No one could tell them apart, so everyone just referred to them as My Lawyers.
The Blamers, the Avoiders, and the Enviers invited My Lawyers over for an evening of Complaining. My Lawyers loved the Complaining Game but suggested three things be included to make the game more enjoyable: billable hours, consultation fees, and outrageous cash settlements. They called their new game "Filing Lawsuits."
My Lawyers told everyone their new game would make them all winners. And as long as they continued Filing Lawsuits with My Lawyers, they could do all the Complaining they wanted, but they could do it back at the Beach from a pricey condo in between two-hundred-dollar rounds of golf-and never have to wear a tie to work again.
And everybody was happy.
So to this day, the descendants of those original Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers continue to work as hard as their ancestors did. For they too believe it really doesn't matter whether you win or lose, as long as you know My Lawyers.
Excerpted from aim low by DAVE DUNSEATH Copyright © 2007 by Dave Dunseath. Excerpted by permission.
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