Table of Contents
Foreword 1
1 Why I'm a Democrat 5
2 How I Became a Comedian 10
3 Saturday Night Live (Not the Drug Part) 21
4 Saturday Night Live (The Drug Part) 30
5 Saturday Night Live (The Part Where I Leave) 39
6 Paul 46
7 A 99 Percent Improvement 51
8 Year of the Bean Feed 63
9 The DeHumorizer™ 75
10 I Attempt to Litigate Comedy 86
11 Hermann the German and the Pull-Out Couch 91
12 No Joke 98
13 Harry and Chuck 100
14 Icarus Soars 109
15 Twixt Cup and Lip 114
16 Public Opprobrium 119
17 My First Powwow 136
18 Tax-Dodging, Rape-Joking Pornographer for Senate 145
19 Franni Saves the Campaign 152
20 "Has It Gotten That Bad?!" 160
21 "It's Close, It's Very Close" 168
22 The Recount 172
23 Welcome to the NFL 182
24 I Actually Become a Senator 186
25 My First Big Win* 190
26 What Gets Me out of Bed in the Morning 196
27 The Case of Perry Mason's Lost Case 199
28 The Angel and the Devil 203
29 Never Give the Staff Credit 212
30 Letting My Id Run Amok 219
31 I Screw Up 229
32 Operation Curdle 235
33 Health Care: Now What? 247
34 I Meet George W. Bush 267
35 The 64 Percent Rule 271
36 My Republican Friends 283
37 Sophistry 293
38 Bulletproof 308
39 Cracks in My Soul 314
40 The Koch Brothers Hate Your Grandchildren 329
41 No Whining on the Yacht 335
42 I Win Awards 344
43 We Build a DeHumorizer™ 349
44 I Get Reelected 359
45 Lies and the Lying Liar Who Got Himself Elected President 367
46 I Attend a Presidential Inauguration 376
47 Being as Good as the People We Serve 386
Acknowledgments 393
Index 397