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Who in his right mind wants to talk to a shrink? I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to feel anything, taste anything ... or anything. The lyrics "just dying to die" run around in my brain day and night...
Fifteen-year-old Sam is in pain. He comes to the therapist's office unwillingly, angry, depressed, and filled with guilt over his own self-destructive behavior. He is being drawn deeper and deeper into a black hole of despair from which he sees no way out.
The Road Back
This is the Real-life story of Sam's Recovery, told from tapes of his therapy sessions. It tells what drove him to leave home, how he survived on the street, and why he was desperate to escape from the brutality of the gang that had become his "family" and from the torment of his own self-loathing. For every teen who has experienced the pain and loneliness of a no-way-out darkness, and for all those who love them, here is the light that can lead the way back.
Almost Lost EPB
Chapter One
Paula Gordon Chart
Tuesday, March 29, 10:10 A.M.Paula Gordon, Registered Nurse, called regarding
therapy for her son Samuel Gordon, age 15SYMPTOMS
Samuel has gone from being a bright, happy, funny, usually self-confident boy to someone who often seems "almost an old senile stranger."
"Hi, Samuel. I'm Doctor B."
"Hi." Samuel sounded as depleted as if he had just done his best, but still finished dead last, in an exhausting marathon that he had really wanted to win.
"Do you like to be called Samuel, Sam, Sammy, or something else?"
He shrugged.
"I want you to know that anything you say in this session is completely between the two of us. I am required by law to keep it confidential. I am even more bound by my own code of ethics to honor and respect your thoughts and concepts and words absolutely."
Samuel continues. "What I really want is for you and the rest of the whole screwed-up world, including me, to just quickly and quietly dissolve into nothing, never-was, nothingness."
"You don't know me but
"I kind of know you through your books."
"I hope you know how much I cared for each of those kids. "
"I guess."
"Do you think I would care less about you?"
He shrugged.
"I want to be completely honest with you so that you can feel safe in being straightforward and honest with me — that is, if you want to be. Does that sound fair?"
"Ummm ...
"If I feel someone I talk with is an endangerment to himself or herself, or to others, I might on a rare occasion feel it necessary to seek help beyond my own ability, but only in a professional way. I hope that makes sense to you."
"It doesn't. Why can't everybody just live, or not live, their own life?"
"Because sometimes people can't see their glorious future through their glucky present."
"That's Establishment horse hockey."
"Your mom told me that you didn't want to come, didn't think you needed to come."
"For once the warden and keeper was right."
"Did you have any particular reason for not wanting to see me?"
"Why would anyone in their right mind wanna see a shrink?"
"What's the difference between seeing a medical doctor when you suffer from physical pain and seeing a therapist when you're hurting mentally? Isn't the pain you have now as real as any pain could be?"
"It's not really pain. It's. . ."
"You mean it's not like a broken leg."
"Yeah."
"But it's still deep, dark, cold discomfort isn't it?"
(Deep sigh.) "Sometimes even my hair hurts."
"Would you like to talk about what is hurting you?"
"No."
"Would it help to try to find out why you're sad?" "Uh-huh."
Samuel pulled into himself like a turtle pulling into its shell.
"Would you like to feel better? Like your old, old, olden self?"
"I almost don't even remember that person."
"But would you like to go back again to a happy, uncluttered, unpressured existence?"
"I'm not sure I ever was that way."
"Do you think maybe you're depressed?"
"No way! My mom probably gave you a bunch of gobbly goop poop about that. Actually, she has not clue one. What she's really looking for is absolute, complete remote control of my life."
"You think she wants to completely control your life?"
"Seems like it."
"How does that make you feel?"
"Like hell. Makes me wanna get the hell outta there and off the planet."
"Does your mom know that?"
"She should. I've told her often enough."
"Think about this question for a minute. Maybe your mom's pushy, but do you think she tries to give you suggestions and guidelines and boundaries because she hates you or because she loves you?"
"Who knows?"
"You honestly don't know?"
'I honestly don't care."
"Did you know that depression is a lot more than just a long downer? It's loneliness, apathy, loss of interest and pleasure and curiosity. I wish you'd talk with me about depression even if you don't have it. Lots of kids do, you know. In fact, it is estimated that over eighteen million people today suffer from depression, many, many of them kids!"
"Eighteen million?"
"The sad thing is that lots of depression goes undiagnosed and untreated because people don't want to accept the symptoms for what they are. They don't know that it can be diagnosed and treated. Anyone who is going through a state of unhappiness or nonfeeling deserves to know that it is practically always temporary and that he or she is not alone! Not the only person in the entire universe who feels that way, but just one out of eighteen million."
"I thought I was the only one so sort of unhinged and out of touch."
"Believe me, you're not! I'd say that most kids go through some degree of depression, at one point or another before they become adults. And they're usually pretty good at covering it up. There are probably many kids you know who, to...
Almost Lost EPBAnonymous
Posted June 4, 2012
I too have suffered with deppression and anxiety so this was a really ensuring book that said YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 5, 2008
I was suffering with depression, today still am a little bit. But I went to the schools library to find a book about depression and stuff, so I came across Almost Lost and checked it out. At first did not wanted to. But did anyways and through the months of reading this book I felt more connected with Sammy, I love this book and every page I turned to related to me...Now, today I thank God for making me checked this book out. It was time to turn it in. So I did but next year I checked it out and now I never turned it back in because I love it so much I actually cried because I did not want to turn it in. It was hard this book is my life...giving it to someone would be like giving my life away. There are so many people who think this book sucks but thats because THEY suck...This is a Golden prize for me. Now I have the book in my backpack never take it off from there. Oh and this is my 3rd time going through it. =D
2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 28, 2013
If u want drama, read a romance. This book is for people who have had to deal with depresion and anxiety. Not for drama queens.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted July 16, 2006
I think this book had an amazing concept, really I did. But the fact that after such a short period of time Sammy starts warming up to the psycologist and giving her high fives as he walks in is completely unbelievable. No teenager would warm up to an adult that quickly. And let's face it, even if they did, no one wants to read about it. People want to read drama, how the teen doesn't want to open up, how he breaks down finally admitting his story. This book is not something a teenager, or any other human for that matter, wants to read.
1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 15, 2003
This is one of the best books i have ever read. It is such a touching story, i love it!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 30, 2013
I really enjoy this book
Is so sad but i read this everyday i never put it down
Anonymous
Posted September 25, 2012
Have suffered from depression so I' m glad I'm not alone.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 7, 2007
This book was really good. I can relate to 'Sammy' a lot because I went though the same thing that he did. After reading it, I didn't feel so lonely or depressed. It made me feel that I wasn't the only one going through this and other people feel the exact same way.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 21, 2006
This book is about 15 years old boy named sam. He is going through depression and violence. He seeing the help. He in doing so good with friend and family. He doesn't the perpest relationship with anyone. The gang that he is in is trying to beat him up. There is a that is so confusing at the middle of the book. Because it flash back forward. So read this book if the gang is after you. This book will help you make the right decesion. so read it and enjoy...
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 21, 2006
This book is about a fifteen year boy named sam. He is going through the depression and violence. He is in a gang and trouble a lot. He went and see the help. He is not doing so good. Read this book if you're in a gang. This will help you make the right decesion. So red and enjoy it.
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Posted July 7, 2005
Reading the back cover of this book, you would expect to read a story of a boy that was depressed and angry. This book is horrible! I can hardly find it realistic. I too have had to sit through the same sessions as sammy. I also know many other people who have as well. I must say Sammy's 'Supper cool Pos' tude'' is really sickening to someone who really has gone through that deep despair. I find it hard to believe Sammy is/had gone through all those depression stages and still finds the strength to be so freakin perky to his Psychologist with such a great and willing attitude. To me this isn't Sammy's story- its Dr. Sparks self help book with a story line. When you're feeling that depressed the last thing you want to read is a self help book. YUCK. The WORST book I have Ever forced my self to read.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 25, 2005
I think this book would have been SOOO much more interesting if they had put it in Sammy's point of veiw, instead of his phsyciatrist tapes. Because then it feel like your getting a lecture instead of a story. The only realy good part of this book is when he explains the stuff about running away. And who in their right mind would high-five a shrink?
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Posted December 25, 2004
When I first got this book, I thought it was going to be really good. Yeah, right. I read about 40 or so pages but was SO INCREDIBLY BORED, I had to put it down. I have depression too, but this book was such a bore. Maybe it would have been more interesting if the book was written through Sammy's point of view rather than his trips to the Pyschiatrists office, God knows I've sat through enough of my own.
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Posted December 19, 2004
WOW i really loved this boook. At first i didnt because first they talk about how he came and how his mother was talkin to the psychiatrist, but then i really got into the book when sammmy was tellin what happened to him. I think that many people should really read this boook. Because theres a lot of people who talk like say things like they are 'gangsta' and all that but they are really not, they really don;t know what happenes when you get shot, how you feeel, and when you think that noone cares bout you and you feel lonely, many people don;t know those basic thingz. I really love books by beatrice sparks, they are really interesting, and i have almost all of them at home. So people buy her books and read them.
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Posted October 25, 2004
I just finished this book and I loved it! I think it would really help any teen with a similar situation.
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Posted July 6, 2004
This book is a true to life type of story. I was intrigued by the types of things Sammy went through, and i believe many young kids and teenagers could relate. This book could be motivating to any kid who feels he or she is on the edge.
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Posted December 7, 2003
I liked it. But I didn't find it that helpful! It's weird though...why would you go to a shrink after you came home from running away before you went to a friends house or your own house?
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Posted June 4, 2002
This book brought tears to my eyes. It takes you through Sammy's life, from the lies and deceit, to the truthfulness and behavioral problems that will make you want to work with behavioral psychology forever. I would recomend this book to anyone.
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Posted January 23, 2002
This book is a great read. It gets into a teenager's head who is very lost in the world. It will help parents understand their children more, even if they aren't unhappy. It also shows what really goes on in a therapist's office, and will help those who are troubled.
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Posted August 9, 2000
This book would be one of my very favorites. I love it. It is so touching, it really reaches you. It includes many of Dr. B.'s pearls of wisdom and this kid, Sammy, is really smart but so depressive that he can't show his brightness or his uniqeness to anyone. But he learns to trust Dr. B. and he spills his guts out and it's really great and suspensful.
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Overview
Who in his right mind wants to talk to a shrink? I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to feel anything, taste anything ... or anything. The lyrics "just dying to die" run around in my brain day and night...
Fifteen-year-old Sam is in pain. He comes to the therapist's office unwillingly, angry, depressed, and filled with guilt over his own self-destructive behavior. He is being drawn deeper and ...