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Posted January 16, 2014
To Emile: I needed crictism. Thank you.) <p>
It was raining. Hope was watching tv almost asleep. The show was boring enough anyways. Daniel was always watching something creepy and boring. Speaking of Daniel, where is he? Hope got up and turned the tv off. Then she glanced out the window. There was a girl of twelve. Running. In the rain. <p>
Lilly sighed. It was in the middle of the weekend and she felt like she sould be doing something. She felt like she should be running. In the rain. Penolope nodded. "Felt it too," she said looking up from her book, "I wish..." "Wish that we were together. I know." "Only clue is the word 'help'. What does it mean?" "Our names maybe?" "Maybe." The two girls exchanged a look. <p>
Posted January 16, 2014
This chapter of run is awesome! All I have to say for this one is that at the beginning the word boring was used too much. Either combine the two sentnces to use boring once or exchange one of the words so that it is different. Also eith yge running in the rain part make each sentence fragment a new paragraph so it is like this:
In the rain.
That way it adds to the emphasis. It makes the reader notice it more and see that it is important or connects to something else. 3.5 stars again for this chapter. :)
Posted January 19, 2014
Frodo,Sam,Merry,and Pippin continued their hike to Bree University. They couldn't go to the University by public transport in fear that the 9 Black shadows would take the ring from Frodo. After walking about 2 miles with Sam groaning about having to pee and Merry and Pippin fighting over whether gingivitis is a medicine or a tooth cavity. (Its a tooth cavity i think) , Frodo finally called it a halt. "Guyz! Please you're sooo annoying! Sam, just pee in the bushes and look up gingivitis on your phone Pippin!" Sam started to protest about personal hygiene and Merry scowled (pippin was right). Frodo sighed, "Fine lets go to that house for advice!! "Bathrooms!" Squealed Sam and they all sprinted to the direction of the nearest house and went in and knocked the door. To their surprise, Fatty answered it. "Hey guess whats up?" Everyone backed up. (His uncle was a farmer and they used to steal his carrots and mushrooms) But Frodo bravley asked Fatty some questionairs. "First of all is there a bathroom Sam can use?" Fatty replied, "Right down the hall" Next thing you know everyone gets pushed aside and the bathroom door slams shut. Frodo continued."Second of all do you know the quickest way to Bree University?" "Why do you want to go there?" Fatty asked suspiciously. Merry quickly said "Ummm we want to know more agriculture like farming and stuff" Frodo face-palmed his head and Pippin squirmed uncomfortably. "Is that so?" Everyone turned around and saw Fatty's uncle there. "I think I know you guys.... oh well lets talk over some beans and stew" During the dinner Frodo asked some questions. Sam was avoiding his vegetables. "Do u know the quickest way to Bree university and do you have a map?" he said; "Nope not a map but the quickest way to Bree is through the Mirkwood forest. I wouldnt got there if l were you. They say the trees talk and move and no one ever comes out" Merry paled and pushed away his stew and Pippin snuck some mushrooms on Merry's plate. Frodo replied "Well we have to go through there to get to Bree in time" Fatty jerked up. "Dont do it Frodo! You might never come back!" "Its a risk we will have to take Fatty." Frodo said grimly. Merry,Pippin and Sam nodded. "Ok guys :( Heres a hug!" Everyone nudged away from Fatty. Sam said "Ummm i didnt wash my hands" "Me too!" Everyone else said. Fattys uncle said "Ok then. Heres a basket of food and water if you need it in the forest!" Frodo thanks him and started to leave. "Bye Fatty! Come one guys we have a long day/night ahead of us" Fatty watched sadly as they closed the door. "Heyheyhey guys!" Sam exclaimed. "When i was in the bathroom i stole a map! Fatty is a LIAR!" everyone laughed. "Oh whats in the basket?" Frodo looked in. "Hahahahah its carrots and mushrooms. Oh the irony! :)" <p> Frodo,Sam,Pippin,and Merry startes to head towards Mirkwood forest.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.