Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

by Jessica Baum LMHC

Overview

A road map for building strong and secure relationships for those who struggle with anxiety in their romantic connections.

An estimated 47 million Americans identify as having an anxious attachment style, which can make being in relationships turbulent and emotionally taxing for them. According to groundbreaking research in the field of attachment, anxious types are more prone to insecurity, jealousy, codependency, and other behaviors that get in the way of finding and sustaining love. In Anxiously Attached, seasoned psychotherapist and couples counselor Jessica Baum guides readers through understanding their attachment style at its core and building the inner strength and self-love that will lead them to more secure and satisfying relationships.

Developed over ten years in private practice, Baum’s signature Self-full® Method has helped her clients get off the toxic roller coaster of anxious attachment and discover the secure and mutually supportive relationships they deserve. In this book readers will learn how to:

• Create boundaries to safeguard their sense of self-sovereignty in relationships

• Communicate to their partners what they need to feel safe and secure in the relationship

• Develop a secure sense of self-worth and emotional stability

• Learn the true meaning of a healthy/interdependent relationship and how to establish one with their partner or future partner.

• Discover a compassionate path towards healing through experiences like mediation practices where they can start to develop more insight into their internal landscape.

• Attain a deep understanding of the anxious-avoidant dance that is extremely common in intimacy struggles.

Anxiously Attached offers a practical and holistic approach for overcoming anxious attachment issues to discover happier, more fulfilling relationships.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780593544419
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	01/30/2024
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	36,173
Product dimensions:	5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Jessica Baum, LMHC, is the founder of Be Self-full®, supporting individuals and couples to form healthy, long-term relationships with online coaching and transformational courses worldwide. As a couples therapist for over a decade, Jessica utilizes her unique approach to healing, the Self-full® Method. With a foundation in interpersonal neurobiology, this modality continues to help thousands of clients heal trauma. Born and raised in Manhattan, she now lives in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part 1 How We Lose Ourselves

Chapter 1 The Role of Relationships 3

Chapter 2 The Secret Language of the Little Me Pact 31

Chapter 3 The Anxious-Avoidant Dance and More 59

Part 2 Becoming Self-Full

Chapter 4 Listen to Your Heart 89

Chapter 5 Healing Little Me from the Inside Out 115

Chapter 6 From Selfless to Self-Full 147

Part 3 Loving with Our Whole Self

Chapter 7 The Beauty of Boundaries 185

Chapter 8 A New Way to Love and Be Loved 217

Chapter 9 The Mysterious Transformational Power of Love 251

Acknowledgments 273

Notes 275

About The Author 281

Editorial Reviews

Jessica Baum’s forthrightness, vulnerability, and clinical sensitivity provide the foundation for a powerful journey of growth for anyone who has experienced a nonsecure form of attachment formally known as ‘ambivalent’ and publicly referred to being ‘anxiously attached.’ The science of relational connections between child and parent, known as attachment research, reveals a preoccupation and revving up of our drive for connection that has the inner experience of learned anxiety and uncertainty. Because of neural plasticity, we can focus our attention to build neural networks that in our childhood did not have the chance to grow how they might have to give us equanimity even in the face of relational challenges. Now you can learn to cultivate the skills of inner soothing provided in this excellent guide—and you’ll discover how to ‘learn’ or ‘earn’ security in this science-backed yet practical set of steps to build the capacities that were not developed in your youth. Welcome to the challenge—and opportunity—to transform your life from the inside out!”
—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, executive director, Mindsight Institute; clinical professor, UCLA School of Medicine; New York Times bestselling author of IntraConnected, Aware, and Mind, and coauthor, Parenting from the Inside Out

“For any of us who repeatedly find ourselves in relationships that increase our anxiety, Jessica Baum’s Anxiously Attached is essential. She offers equal portions of science and heart to help us understand why this happens, charts a healing path that will allow us to develop security within, and walks with us step by step as we open to the mutually supportive, ever-deepening relationships that we all desire. A wonderful book for our partners, too!”
—Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT, author of Being a Brain-Wise Therapist and The Heart of Trauma

“Every so often a fresh voice jumps off the page and contributes something important to our understanding of relationships. Written in a down-to-earth, easily relatable style, Jessica Baum tells it like it is—and teaches us how to stop losing ourselves in others and come home to ourselves again. For anybody who wants to regain their own self-sovereignty—and discover relationships built upon loving connection—Anxiously Attached distills the most important developments in the science of human connection and makes them easily accessible to us all. Bravo.”
—Albert Wong, PhD, professor of psychology, California Institute of Integral Studies

“With Anxiously Attached, Jessica Baum shares relatable, real-life insights into the underlying relationship issues faced by so many in our era of disconnection. Her empowering, actionable tools for becoming ‘self-full’ take the self-love and self-care movements to the next level.”
—Ruby Warrington, author of Material Girl, Mystical World and Sober Curious

“Jessica wholeheartedly puts her full self into everything she does, and this book is a gift to your true self. Self-love is the foundation for a fulfilling and balanced life. Readers, you’re in for a beautiful treat.”
—Shannon Kaiser, author of The Self-Love Experiment

“In a world of empty promises and shallow veneers, Jessica Baum has written a book that delivers what it promises. In Anxiously Attached, she takes her readers on a healing journey that enables them to understand why they are plagued by relational insecurities and gives them concrete tools to repair the issues of their past and embrace a future filled with meaningful and rich relationships with themselves and others.”
—Dr. Paul L. Hokemeyer, author of Fragile Power

“Jessica Baum is a modern and energetic author who brings fresh insights and language to learning how to love self and others. Her book contains powerful information and original ways of thinking about self-care. I highly recommend it.”
—John Lee, author of The Half-Lived Life and Growing Yourself Back Up

“Jessica’s work is a breath of fresh air. Blending both a clinical and spiritual approach, this book helps us understand the nuances of modern relationships and provides a no-nonsense roadmap for healing our relationships by healing ourselves.”
—James McCrae, author of Sh#t Your Ego Says

“Jessica walks you through a spiritual journey in this book. Anxiously Attached covers complex topics around codependency, and the way she explains them makes these topics easy to understand. Jessica’s work helps you feel supported through all levels of transformation.”
—Amy Leigh Mercree, bestselling author of A Little Bit of Goddess and A Little Bit of Mindfulness

“Learning to attach to others in a healthy way is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Anxiously Attached gives you the tools you need to take that step. Jessica empowers you to grab hold of your inner security, which will transform your most important relationships.”
—R. Scott Gornto, PhD, MDiv, LMFT, CST, author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves

From the Publisher