Armed and Outrageous

Armed and Outrageous

3.8 80
by Madison Johns

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Agnes Barton is not your typical senior citizen living in Tadium, MI, on the shores of Lake Huron. She drives a red hot Mustang, shops at Victoria's Secret, rankles local police officials, and has a knack for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.

What does a murder that happened forty-three years ago have to do with missing tourist Jennifer Martin? Agnes makes


Agnes Barton is not your typical senior citizen living in Tadium, MI, on the shores of Lake Huron. She drives a red hot Mustang, shops at Victoria's Secret, rankles local police officials, and has a knack for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.

What does a murder that happened forty-three years ago have to do with missing tourist Jennifer Martin? Agnes makes it her personal mission to find out, and she's not letting the fact she's seventy-two get in the way. Butting heads with Sheriff Clem Peterson is something she's accustomed to, but lately Clem seems to be acting even more strange, making Agnes wonder what he may be hiding ala the Martin disappearance.

Agnes' partner in crime, Eleanor Mason tags along, Watson to her Holmes. Together, they unearth clues. If only Eleanor would behave, as although lovable, she has a knack for getting into trouble by tangling with her rival, Dorothy Alton, or flirting with anyone-male or female-and gossiping! She's incorrigible, but she does carry a Pink Lady revolver in her purse, one that has proved useful at times.

Life for Agnes and Eleanor are shaken up when Agnes' former boss and secret crush comes to Tadium. Before long, the lady sleuths have more on their hands to content with as goons roll into town and bullets begin to fly.

Editorial Reviews

N.A. Cornelius
I must confess, this book had me laughing out loud in places where I wasn't supposed to. In the park, a couple got up from the bench where I was sitting and moved. Then I had two things to laugh at. . .

I digress . . .

This is a wonderful book! The two ladies, Agnes Barton and Eleanor Mason are supposed to be . . . . ehem. . . . elderly or older sleuths, but they certainly didn't act like it! When it came cracking what was considered a major crime wave in their c
Mel Piff
As mysteries go, this is probably not your grandmother's "cozy," but it may be your grandmother! Agnes Barton, a 72 year-old widow, is sometimes down, but never out. She's got a hot car and a hotter wardrobe, and an insatiable desire for...justice. While there have been other elderly female sleuths - Agatha Christie's Miss Marple comes immediately to mind - I doubt there have been the likes of Agnes Barton and her side-kick Eleanor Mason. Not content to sip tea and eat a crumpet or two, Agnes is
Karen Vance Hammond
Superb! ---Action packed humor leaps off every page. You will laugh until your sides hurt. Author Madison Johns, Armed and Outrageous is a wittingly funny tale of two elderly best friends Agnes and Eleanor who in a quant Michigan town investigate the whereabouts of a missing woman. Are they smarter than the authorities are? Can they pull this off while bickering over dentures, arthritis, and varicose veins? This is a story you do not want to pass up. It is fantastic--- Diabolic entertaining at i
Dan Amsden
I really enjoyed this book. You said it took you 4 years to write, well it was a great story, not many writers can keep my attention, but you did, keep up the good work and shift into high gear and write more.

I would recommend it to anyone who likes Janet Evanovich, Sue Grafton, Debbie Macomber, Joanne Fluke, Danelle Helget and my very favorite female author Linda Howard
Terry Crawford Palardy
It was my privilege to proofread this book before publication.

Armed and Outrageous is a funny, warm, charming story of two mature women who have experienced life's losses but have come out stronger and wiser. Madison Johns has captured their enthusiasm, their confidence, their courage and their friendship, telling a good story while bringing the reader into the world of today's 'spunky seniors.'

Product Details

CreateSpace Publishing
Publication date:
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Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.58(d)

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Meet the Author

Madison Johns spent most of her childhood locked inside her head. She preferred to distance herself from other children her age, and had been described as a dreamer. Even as a small child, she remembers staying awake many a night fighting dragons, whisked away to foreign lands, or meeting the man of her dreams, if only in her head.

Her caring nature led her to the healthcare field where she was employed as a nursing care assistant at a nursing home, and it was there that she was inspired to write her first cozy mystery, Armed and Outrageous.

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Armed and Outrageous 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 80 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
236 pages, free, first in a series, stand alone, no profanity. But there is violence, murder, rape, sex, sexual talk, attempted rape, lots of weed smoking and stupidity. Overall, this book had a good plot. I was disappointed though, because the author made the older women out to be almost senile and as humorous objects. In fact all Sr.s were idiots. The cat had more common sense. The mafia like family was carrying things a bit too far. An old man peeing in a trash can and asking an 84 year old woman to lick his willie, while she giggles, right after he slaps another woman in the face is not good reading. A 72 year old woman masterbating on the toilet is TMI. Adults if a mature age hopefully would have better grammer. There are some minor editing issues. I thought from all the excellant reviews this book would be fantastic, for me it was not. I am older and I hope my friends and family view me with more respect and as haveing a few brain cells left. For adults. One star for length, one for free standing and one for originality. AD
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
From the advertising blurb I expected something a little less childish. Interactions of mature adults were foolish, without purpose, not particularly funny, and unrelated to the story line. Mature does not need to mean stodgy but these characters were annoyingly teen like. Basic story was predictable and also hard to believe. What kind of group would hold onto this kind of product for a year? What 70 year old woman would have that much concern about what her peers would think. Speaking as a senior citizen myself I found the portrayal of these seniors as very cliched instead of entertaining.
BarbRN More than 1 year ago
An ideal formula for a very successful series. So many writers mistake humor for silliness and bawdiness. Let the characters be older ladies that maintain a sense of humor with decorum and you'd have a much better story line. This book portrays women of a certain age as out of control and demented. The majority are funny, curious, and responsible.could use some editing, also. Older ladies have a much better grasp of the English language.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love reading about seniors who do more than sit around knitting! Blows the hell out of that stereotype! Actually this book had me laughing out loud in some parts.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I liked the book. Just purchased the next 2 in the series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The only way to describe this book is a romantic true crime cozy. The book is poorly written, the characters are inconsistent and not well developed. The crimes are extremely violent and have an organized crime flavor. The language is crude and vulgar especially from elderly women. The main characters are in their 70's and 80's, but act like 25 year olds; they are not realistic or believable. The ending feels like it belongs in another book it could not be deduced from the clues in the book; characters and situations appear out of no where as the resolution. I don't think the author knew how to end the story so she took a couple elements and tried to tie them to a random scenario. The situations, language, and character actions reflect a very red neck flavor. It is very degrading to seniors I would be insulted if I was a senior. The attempted humor is slap stick and not funny most of it is juvenile, offensive, and vulgar. I was amazed with the amount of sexual activity, innuendo and language in a cozy and it was all graphic, vulgar, crudely written, and offensive. I finished the book only to see how it ended because the plot was almost nonexistent and I couldn't see how it was going to tie together for a resolution. The ending was just as bizarre as the rest of the book not to mention violent and crass. The book was a waste of time and if I could have given it a lower rating if it was possible to give it less than one star.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Funny, lightly entertaining, but character's action strain to be believable
Skandia More than 1 year ago
Decent plot, should have been a good book. However, writing was choppy and disjointed. Character development inconsistent and sloppy. Will not read this author again.
DaUgh 15 days ago
not a bad story to read.
Anonymous 4 months ago
Anonymous 7 months ago
Great story - great characters. Hope I'm that agile when I'm Agnes' age
Anonymous 9 months ago
Being a senior citizen myself I found this book quite enjoyable. It's nice to have a character of this age being the hero. The writer gave us many suspects to consider and the romance was nice without being gross. I'm going to recommend it to my friend.
Anonymous 9 months ago
Tense and funny mystery.
Anonymous 10 months ago
I love finding a book written about people over 50. It's the first book I've read in a long time that had me actually laughing. Not just once, but several times. I would have given it 5 stars, except that it really does need better editing. I have already bought the next one! Deb in NH
Anonymous 10 months ago
I loved this book & had a hard time putting my Nook down. Funny as all get out.
Anonymous 10 months ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Shallow understandng of seniors. Characterizations are built down to a " crusty old peraon" stereotype. While the author seems to.have a nursing home understanding there is no core of social understanding, The humor is pretty juvenile. I expected more from this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Enjoyed alot easy reading and enjoyable charactors
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Was so uninteresting, with the glaringly bias towards seniors I found it unreadable about 2/3 of the way through. I can laugh at some senior pundit, but this was just too much. I am glad it was a free read
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A very entertaining mystery with a few twists and turns to keep me interested! I highly recommend this book. It is funny and intriguing both. I loved the main characters. I am about to read the second book in this series and look forward to reading every page!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Enjoyed this funny ghostly tale. Great characters and a good plot.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Poorly written. So bad I could not finish.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed the comic mystery. Fun.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Was this written by a second grader? Stumbling, bumbling seniors going about investigating without a clue how or why or when? Nothing about them was logical or likeable OK, she was good to her cat. Read at your own peril. If I don't rate at least one star it won't allow me to post a review.