How Do I Get Invited Out More Often?
Recently, I was at a party with a large group of people including couples and singles. Connie, a friend of mine who is a lawyer, was also there. I noticed during the evening that she talked to several men and women she was meeting for the first time. Toward the end of the party, I overheard her making plans to meet with one of the women the following week.I was impressed at how quickly she had struck up an acquaintance that seemed headed for friendship. When I was talking with her later, I asked her why this kind of socializing seemed to go so easily for her.'I'm open with people, and I'm curious about other people," she said. "So that must get them interested. I'm always open to disclosing things about myself."She does not hesitate to make plans on the spot:A lot of people I meet are single, and I'm single.I don't like to be home alone. So it's easy for me tosay, "I'd like to talk to you some more. Let's goout for a drink some time." Or if I have a common interest with that person, we'll make plans around something we'd both like to do.I asked her whether people were ever unreceptive to a spontaneous invitation like that.Very rarely unreceptive. If they are, I'll drop it and it's no big deal. But more likely, they'll say, "Let's do that," and then not follow through. So I'll try to make a date right there -- or get a phone number so I can follow through by giving a call the next day to make plans. I've made many friends this way-and people approach me. So I don't feel as if I'm pushing I'd just like to see them again, and I want to make that happen.What impressed me about Connie's approachwas summed up in that key word-openness. With anyone she met for the first time, she was open to the possibility of friendship. She gave each person a chance. She revealed something of herself, and she showed curiosity about the other person. If there was an equal and open exchange of views, she assumed that the other person would like to see her again as much as she would like to see the other person.
The Assertive Approach
Connie's approach may sound very assertive, and it is. And her socializing strategy has been a powerful tool for her in making friends and making her feel secure and comfortable with her life as a single.Your own approach will depend on your personal style. If you have some difficulty getting invited outor inviting others out-here are some points to keep in mind:It's okay to announce what you like to do. In fact, it's essential if the other person is going to get to know youThere's nothing wrong with saying:"I love to go to the theater. Any time I have the chance, I'll go!""I used to play a lot Of Scrabble It was fun. I'd like to start doing that again.""I'd love to try that new Vietnamese restaurant."YouPlant a seed. Is the other person interested? Does your comment lead to talk about theater, Scrabble words, or new restaurants? Why not make plans on the spot to get together again?
If you want to be
Included, say so
It never hurts to ask. Andrea, a twenty-seven-year-old paralegal, told me: I always used to get a twinge when someone else was doing something I really wanted to do. I would try to think of subtle ways to get invited and if the other Person didn't invite me, I would think they really didn't want me to go.I learned my lesson. A friend of mine was going to a figure skating championship. When I heard about it, I really Wanted to go. But I didn't say anything, Afterward, I happened to mention my interest in the event. MY friend said, "Good Lord YOU Should have told me, We had an extra ticket and we ended up giving it away. "That taught me. I don't hedge any more. If there's something I'd really like to do, I just say, "That sounds great. I'd love to go. Can I comealong?" Of course, I use common sense. I won'tintrude on a weekend-for-two that someone asplanned. But there are a lot of things where peopleare glad to have company. I'm not going to miss out just because I'm afraid to speak up.This openness about what she wants to do definitely has worked for Andrea. She is very active and she is doing things she likes to do with other people.
Be open to suggestion
You can let the other person suggest something. Some people think they'll took helpless or vulnerable if they say, "I'm free this ... [weekend/evening/Thursday night], and I'd like to get together with you. Can you suggest anything?"When I mentioned this approach to Kenny, who works in public relations, he said, "I don't like to do that. I'd rather have a plan. If I can't think of something definite to do with that person, I'm not going to suggest getting together. "I pointed out that he might be missing the opportunity of knowing someone better. He was also putting a lot of pressure on himself Why should it be his responsibility to choose the time, the place, and the occasion?Kenny agreed that he would try the strategy. At the next social occasion, he was talking to a man who belonged to the American Society of Journalists and Authors...