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AskMen.com Presents From the Bar to the BedroomThe 11 Rules for Picking Up and Pleasuring Women
By James Bassil
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.Copyright © 2007 James Bassil
All right reserved.
Rule 1: Confidence
There's a sea of dating doctors, love gurus, and pickup artists out there, all peddling their own techniques and strategies for landing successful women. And while the advice of these competing experts rarely overlaps, there's a near-unanimous consensus on the one crucial element required for success with women: Confidence. Confidence is the deal-maker and the deal-breaker, and if there's one fundamental rule in the game of love, it's that the first step toward intimacy with a woman is approaching her.
When it comes to approaching women, knowing exactly what to expect is crucial—what may happen, why it happens, and how to overcome obstacles. The main reason so many men fail to approach and talk to women is because they fear the unknown such as the possible slap of rejection. Naturally, the more knowledge you have, the more confident you will be. You need to be ready at all times.
The truth of the matter is that you cannot depend on destiny or coincidence to deliver you into romantic encounters. You must have the confidence to approach women, and if you don't, you must develop it.
Use Confidence to Pick Up Any Woman
Confidence is every man's number-one weapon in the game of seduction.
However, it is one ofthe hardest character traits to fake, and also one of the most misunderstood. Part of the mystery behind confidence is that most men don't understand its nature. Some think that in order to emit confidence, one must show it through actions alone, while others believe confidence is acquired through words, and still others think one is born with it. There's also a common belief that confidence is something we can always control, but it is instead dependent on several factors—some of which we have no control over whatsoever.
If you want to master confidence and retain it for life, you must learn to incorporate, monitor, and balance six key elements within your daily routine. The moment you stop, everything can come crashing down with a comment as simple as "You're not my type."
Confidence breeds further confidence, and you will ultimately arrive at a frame of mind wherein your confidence feels like a natural part of your character; a trait that was always there. Arriving at this state, however, will require persistence, fortitude, and patience. Let's start with the basics.
6 Key Elements to Help You Achieve Confidence
1. State of mind
The very first step toward becoming a confident person involves building internal confidence through daily introspection. You're going to have to help yourself by adopting a confidence-building philosophy.
What does this mean? By thinking about and creating exercises of confidence, your body will react and display that confidence. But before you can get there, you need to take a deep and honest look at yourself. You need to learn to feed off your strengths and eliminate—or at least minimize—your weaknesses. For example, if you think that stuttering when you're nervous is one weakness that contributes to your lack of confidence, then practice speaking with as many people (preferably women) as possible until you eliminate that drawback.
You need to develop personal habits that will put you into the right frame of mind and keep your confidence machine oiled and running strong. Try the following to keep yourself motivated:
Talk to yourself: Practice speaking in the morning before leaving the house by clearing your throat and saying aloud, "Good morning. You look damn good. You are number one." It may seem ridiculous and it may feel ridiculous, and you'll likely laugh at yourself over the first few efforts. But your self-consciousness will dissipate as you feel the effects of this positive reinforcement technique gradually take hold.
Keep a list of your strengths: Write down ten traits that will make you invaluable to any woman who's lucky enough to get your attention and time. (Get used to thinking this way about yourself.)
Change negative outlooks into positive ones: Stop being depressed about being single. Instead of worrying about being alone, be happy that you have the opportunity to meet a world of single women.
2. Physical appearance
Your physical appearance plays a very big role in your level of confidence. Not so much regarding how you feel about yourself, but how other people make you feel. Think back to those times when you put that extra effort into your appearance, and were rewarded with approving looks on the street. Now think about the jolt of confidence that those same looks gave you—imagine the effects of receiving them every day!
You should be exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy diet, and making all other requisite efforts in order to give the ladies what they like—a fit, healthy-looking, well-kept, and generally inviting appearance.
3. Your clothes
Your wardrobe obviously plays a significant role in maintaining an inviting appearance. Dress the part and you will fulfill it—the extra swagger in your step when you're dressed to the nines doesn't emerge out of nowhere. This doesn't mean that you need to make every occasion a black-tie affair, but when you do dress down, do so in a manner that remains stylish and flatters your physique and body type. You'll find plenty of assistance in this endeavor in the Fashion channel of AskMen.com.
4. Listening skills
Take a good look at any social situation, and you'll see that the man talking the most and the loudest is rarely the most confident one. When in a conversation with a woman, ration your words and prioritize listening to her. Encourage her to talk more by opening your mouth only to ask open-ended questions (for instance, asking what her favorite color is would be a definite no-no. More on this will follow in Chapter 2).
Handing off the bulk of the conversation to her in this manner will both conceal the nervousness you may be experiencing and give her occasion to focus the discussion on herself—which will ensure that she remembers the conversation as a pleasant one.
Excerpted from AskMen.com Presents From the Bar to the Bedroom by James Bassil Copyright © 2007 by James Bassil. Excerpted by permission.
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