Is there a science to love?
In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.
Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.
*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
There is a scientific theory behind the ways we approach and develop adult relationships, write neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, and understanding how it workswill help you find the right mate—or improve your existing partnership.
Adult attachment theory, which was pioneered in the 1950s by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, posits that human beings are genetically predisposed toward coupling, andthat a secure partnership is essential to our emotional and physical well-being. According to the authors, we all have a particular "attachment style" that governs our actions and attitudes toward romantic interaction.The ideal, and most prevalent,attachment style is "secure." A person with a secure style feels that his partner provides a loving and supportive "secure base," and that he can provide that same emotional security in return. The authors suggest that human beings are by nature social creatures, and that even when we crave independence, it's the presence of a secure partner that allows us to explore the world on our own—this is called the "dependency paradox." The other two attachment styles, "anxious" and "avoidant," are the major focus of this book. In clear terms, Levine and Heller explain how we can diagnose our attachment style and what steps can be taken to combat its negative effects. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style has a different view toward intimacy and communication (anxious types tend to obsess over relationships and worry about their affection being reciprocated) than someone with an avoidant attachment style (who tend to minimize closeness and undermine emotional connection). The analysis of each attachment style is accompanied by a set of behavior patterns and real-life anecdotes to provide the reader with relatable social context. The authors write that, despite one's age or experience, change is possible, and with the right mind-set, even those who feel defeated by dating—or are stuck in an unsatisfying relationship—can find a solid partnership.
A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships.
Anonymous
Posted March 8, 2011
Not enough stars in the sky to recommend this book. The chapters on attachment styles were like they were written with me in the room. Very approachable and understandable concepts that can be put to use virtually immediately. I am going on to learning more about this new science and how it can help me and others be happier and more successful in relationships.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Tracy_N
Posted January 28, 2011
An incredible book. I've learned so much! It reveals a lot not only about who you are and how you relate to people you get involved with, but also about your dates, partners and, in fact, everyone else around you. It helps you understand the dynamics in your relationships and why you make the choices you do. What's great about this book is that it's helpful no matter where you are in the relationship "cycle" --dating, married, newly-divorced, etc.
I highly recommend it to anyone even remotely interested in love and relationships.
My only question is why didn't this book come out sooner?
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 10, 2011
ATTACHED is a groundbreaking treatise on human relationships. The writing style is provocative, consistent and designed perfectly for the intelligent consumer audience-an extremely important and growing market today. It will be fascinating to see what effect this important book has on therapeutic techniques. No man is an island, as the saying goes. All of us are attached to others. Each of us has an attachment style. These have evolutionary and biological origins. We learn here that terms like "co-dependence" and "abandonment issues" are actually misnomers-that we only have either effective or ineffective attachments. We don't have to change ourselves to find relationships with others. We can be ourselves and seek out and, more importantly, understand our needs and the needs of our partners in life by creating healthy relationships. Every relationship, be it romantic, familial, workplace or platonic can be viewed in this light and put in a sound perspective allowing for better acceptance and communication all around. We can admit our needs and offer the right kind of support with those we love. With this new perspective, we can all become champions of the human experience.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.flyingangel
Posted February 25, 2013
I am in midterms with this class that i am taking based on this book and I am almost done with my presentation feedback on my findings . And I can say this " excellent " book and the audio along with the book enabled my ADHD learning stills excel 90% then 10% was the online additional aide information needed along with the online attachment style test ..
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.This is a great book. I have already put several of the methods into practice into my real life relationships and it has saved me much heartache. It almost seems like common sense but many people are still ignoring their habitual behavior patterns that cause their relationships to fall apart. Reading this will wake you up and help you to better understand yourself and the people around you. I am not a big reader of self help/love/relationship books but I think many can learn a lot from this one.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.A must read for everyone and anyone, whether they are interested in relationships or are single until rapture. It's easy to understand and reveals quite the tricks your mind plays on you. Very enlightening and gives confidence with knowledge.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Sam-Wilson14
Posted January 10, 2011
This book teaches you a whole new way of viewing relationships.
I love the Attention grabbing title--it's really what the book is about. This can easily be the next-wave, science-based relationship book of the decade because it provides readers with a Rosetta Stone to decipher their own individual language of love while doing away with a lot of myths and misconceptions.
I especially appreciate the attachment style quiz for me and my partner's and the hands on workshops and relationship inventory. Some of their suggestions I wrote up in a piece of paper to carry with me and utilize the next time I get upset with my spouse.
I wish I had this book when I was dating--it would have saved me so much time and heartache!
Anonymous
Posted January 10, 2011
No text was provided for this review.
Anonymous
Posted January 7, 2011
No text was provided for this review.
Overview
Is there a science to love?
In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating ...