Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love

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by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
     
 

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Is there a science to love?

In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the

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Overview

Is there a science to love?

In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.

Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.

In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one’s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one’s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones’ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other’s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of “looking for love in all the right places” and improving existing relationships. (Jan.)
Kirkus Reviews

There is a scientific theory behind the ways we approach and develop adult relationships, write neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, and understanding how it workswill help you find the right mate—or improve your existing partnership.

Adult attachment theory, which was pioneered in the 1950s by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, posits that human beings are genetically predisposed toward coupling, andthat a secure partnership is essential to our emotional and physical well-being. According to the authors, we all have a particular "attachment style" that governs our actions and attitudes toward romantic interaction.The ideal, and most prevalent,attachment style is "secure." A person with a secure style feels that his partner provides a loving and supportive "secure base," and that he can provide that same emotional security in return. The authors suggest that human beings are by nature social creatures, and that even when we crave independence, it's the presence of a secure partner that allows us to explore the world on our own—this is called the "dependency paradox." The other two attachment styles, "anxious" and "avoidant," are the major focus of this book. In clear terms, Levine and Heller explain how we can diagnose our attachment style and what steps can be taken to combat its negative effects. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style has a different view toward intimacy and communication (anxious types tend to obsess over relationships and worry about their affection being reciprocated) than someone with an avoidant attachment style (who tend to minimize closeness and undermine emotional connection). The analysis of each attachment style is accompanied by a set of behavior patterns and real-life anecdotes to provide the reader with relatable social context. The authors write that, despite one's age or experience, change is possible, and with the right mind-set, even those who feel defeated by dating—or are stuck in an unsatisfying relationship—can find a solid partnership.

A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships.

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781101475164
Publisher:
Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:
12/30/2010
Sold by:
Penguin Group
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
304
Sales rank:
34,587
File size:
2 MB
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

Amir Levine, M.D. is an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He graduated from the residency program at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University and for the past few years Amir has been conducting neuroscience research at Columbia under the mentorship of Nobel Prize Laureate Eric Kandel. Amir also has a passion for working with patients and it is in this context, while working with mothers and children in a therapeutic nursery, that he first discovered the power of attachment theory. His clinical work together with his deep understanding of the brain from a neuroscientist’s perspective contribute to his appreciation of attachment theory and its remarkable effectiveness in helping to heal patients. Amir lives in New York City.
Rachel Heller, M.A. studied at Columbia University with some of the most prominent scholars in the field of social psychology. She now works with families and couples as a psychologist in private practice. Rachel lives in Israel.

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Attached 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 35 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Not enough stars in the sky to recommend this book. The chapters on attachment styles were like they were written with me in the room. Very approachable and understandable concepts that can be put to use virtually immediately. I am going on to learning more about this new science and how it can help me and others be happier and more successful in relationships.
Tracy_N More than 1 year ago
An incredible book. I've learned so much! It reveals a lot not only about who you are and how you relate to people you get involved with, but also about your dates, partners and, in fact, everyone else around you. It helps you understand the dynamics in your relationships and why you make the choices you do. What's great about this book is that it's helpful no matter where you are in the relationship "cycle" --dating, married, newly-divorced, etc. I highly recommend it to anyone even remotely interested in love and relationships. My only question is why didn't this book come out sooner?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
ATTACHED is a groundbreaking treatise on human relationships. The writing style is provocative, consistent and designed perfectly for the intelligent consumer audience-an extremely important and growing market today. It will be fascinating to see what effect this important book has on therapeutic techniques. No man is an island, as the saying goes. All of us are attached to others. Each of us has an attachment style. These have evolutionary and biological origins. We learn here that terms like "co-dependence" and "abandonment issues" are actually misnomers-that we only have either effective or ineffective attachments. We don't have to change ourselves to find relationships with others. We can be ourselves and seek out and, more importantly, understand our needs and the needs of our partners in life by creating healthy relationships. Every relationship, be it romantic, familial, workplace or platonic can be viewed in this light and put in a sound perspective allowing for better acceptance and communication all around. We can admit our needs and offer the right kind of support with those we love. With this new perspective, we can all become champions of the human experience.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If only I had read this book 7 years ago! If you are anxious attached like me, this could possibly change your life! The absolute best book I have ever read by far!
Lilbulldogz More than 1 year ago
This book has helped me to understand a lot. I still go back to if for reference.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It was as if this book was written about me- for me. I identified so many of my patterns from this book and was able o take sense of all the emotions i have been feeling. It almost felt validating to know that there was some logic to the type of men and relationships i choose. The best part is that its all was you understand and lots of great ways to grow as a person and learn to grow beyond your patterns of attachment. I am looking forward to choosing and doing better
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
flyingangel More than 1 year ago
I am in midterms with this class that i am taking based on this book and I am almost done with my presentation feedback on my findings . And I can say this " excellent " book and the audio along with the book enabled my ADHD learning stills excel 90% then 10% was the online additional aide information needed along with the online attachment style test ..
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nikrnoo More than 1 year ago
Great information on relationships & how the individual looks at, behaves in, & treats a/any relationship!
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supertiff More than 1 year ago
This is a great book. I have already put several of the methods into practice into my real life relationships and it has saved me much heartache. It almost seems like common sense but many people are still ignoring their habitual behavior patterns that cause their relationships to fall apart. Reading this will wake you up and help you to better understand yourself and the people around you. I am not a big reader of self help/love/relationship books but I think many can learn a lot from this one.
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Claudantus More than 1 year ago
A must read for everyone and anyone, whether they are interested in relationships or are single until rapture. It's easy to understand and reveals quite the tricks your mind plays on you. Very enlightening and gives confidence with knowledge.
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