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Attack of the Vampire Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales [NOOK Book]

Overview


A boy steals a ticket to an amusement park and gets the ride of a lifetime—literally. The first day of middle school turns into a free-for-all when the gym teacher offers a “get-out-of-gym-free” card. Sick of his sister’s vampire wannabe friends, a kid decides to teach them a lesson at their next party. But the tables are turned when some surprise guests show up.

Critically acclaimed author and master of the macabre, David Lubar, is back with thirty more warped and creepy tales...

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Attack of the Vampire Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

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Overview


A boy steals a ticket to an amusement park and gets the ride of a lifetime—literally. The first day of middle school turns into a free-for-all when the gym teacher offers a “get-out-of-gym-free” card. Sick of his sister’s vampire wannabe friends, a kid decides to teach them a lesson at their next party. But the tables are turned when some surprise guests show up.

Critically acclaimed author and master of the macabre, David Lubar, is back with thirty more warped and creepy tales for fans of his bestselling Weenies story collections, which have sold more than 1.7 million copies to date.

Don’t be a weenie. Read these stories. If you dare!


At the publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management software (DRM) applied.


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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Praise for Attack of the Vampire Weenies

“Whoever thinks the short story is dead, or that kids don’t like short stories, hasn’t talked to any real live kids and hasn’t read the latest in this popular series.”

—School Library Journal

“Lubar keeps the pace changing and injects plenty of humor… All in all the gathering assays out as rich in eye-rollers, groans and mild chills.”

—Kirkus Reviews

“Girls and boys alike will be drawn to Lubar’s chilling tales and wicked sense of humor. The short stories are perfect for quick bursts of reading…[and] combines the right amount of suspense and comedy…. Perfect for setting the mood at slumber parties and spooky campfires, these tales are the next generation of ghost stories and urban legends.”

—San Francisco Book Review

Children's Literature - Lisette Baez
This is a creative collection of creepy yet hilarious short stories. The tales will take you on an unforgettable roller coaster ride, to a zany gym teacher and even into the path of some vampires—but not before they get a taste of their own medicine. The characters created by the author are engaging and will immediately hook budding readers. The suspenseful plots will leave even the most reluctant readers continually turning the pages. Whether you want to bring some spooky stories to your next sleepover, enhance your Halloween party or make a camping trip unforgettable, this is the book to take. David Lubar brings the book to a unique close as he shares with his readers the inspiration behind each short story. Not only can the reader understand Lubar's thinking process but maybe the next time they see something unusual or have a what-if moment, they too can use it as the basis of the next great novel or short story. Reviewer: Lisette Baez
Children's Literature - Veronica Bartles
They say you should never judge a book by its cover. I failed to take that into account when I picked up this sixth book in Lubar's "Weenies" series of short stories. I expected to find stories rife with potty humor and crass jokes, similar to the "Captain Underpants" series of books. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to find a collection of clever and thought-provoking speculative fiction stories. In this collection, the reader will find a boy who is so involved in his video game that he does not notice a real alien invasion and a girl who might destroy the universe in the process of discovering its secrets. Children will meet broccoli that learns how to talk and pleads for its life, an alien who performs in a sideshow act, and many other fascinating characters. Lubar's tales include plenty of the gross-out factor to appeal to young boys, but he does not rely on the "ewww, gross" response to carry the stories forward. Like Isaac Asimov for young people, this collection of short stories is sure to resonate with anyone who has ever wondered, "what if?" Reviewer: Veronica Bartles
Kirkus Reviews

The lead miner of the "ha-ha-horror" vein offers 33 more microtales (all but three newly minted) in a fifth Weenies collection. Most end badly for a young narrator or protagonist: In the title story plus three more, vampires triumph over obnoxious teens; in others a ghost, a malicious elf, swarming spiders and bees, all-too-omnivorous "MutAnts" and reanimated skeletons likewise snuff out the incautious or naïve. The laws of physics come into play when television-addict "Rapt Punzel" carelessly throws her huge weight of hair out a window. All humanity waxes rank and tubby after a young inventor finds a way to turn soap into candy. And a lad discovers that playground "Cooties" aren't as intangible as he thought. Lubar keeps the pace changing and injects plenty of humor—most notably and hilariously a clueless student's run of luck in a geography bee (A country on the Strait of Hormuz? "Oh, man." Oslo is the capitol of what country? "No way"). He rounds it off with a closing section of story notes; about "Cooties," he writes, "I was thinking about cooties (I have too much leisure time), and it hit me that someone has to be the last person to have them." All in all, the gathering assays out as rich in eye-rollers, groans and mild chills. (Funny horror short stories. 11-13)

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781429920254
  • Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates
  • Publication date: 5/24/2011
  • Series: Weenies Stories
  • Sold by: Macmillan
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 236,053
  • Age range: 8 - 12 Years
  • File size: 704 KB

Meet the Author

David Lubar

David Lubar created a sensation with his debut novel, Hidden Talents, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults. Thousands of kids and educators across the country have voted Hidden Talents onto over twenty state lists. David is also the author of True Talents, the sequel to Hidden Talents; Flip, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults and a VOYA Best Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror selection; five short story collections, including In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, The Curse of the Campfire Weenies, and The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies; and the Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie series. Lubar grew up in Morristown, New Jersey, and he has also lived in New Brunswick, Edison, and Piscataway, NJ, and Sacramento, CA. Besides writing, he has also worked as a video game programmer and designer. He now lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania.
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Read an Excerpt


                                                         NOT ANOTHER WORD

 

            I hate mimes. They're so annoying. Especially the one who's always doing his act in front of city hall. I see him on the way home from school every day. He's usually on the sidewalk at the bottom of the steps, performing stupid mime stuff like pretending to sit in an invisible chair or pulling a rope. Sometimes, he's standing on the wide entrance area at the top of the steps, making fun of the way people walk.

            "That guy is such a jerk," I told me friend Brayden as we turned the corner by city hall on a Monday afternoon. I'd never managed to catch the mime doing it, but I was sure he was always mocking me after I'd walked past him.

            "I think mimes are kind of cool," Brayden said. "They're what clowns would be like if clowns weren't creepy. It takes a lot of skill to do that stuff."

            "You've got to be kidding." I glared at the mime in his stupid long-sleeved striped shirt, with his white gloves and painted face. "Anybody could do that stuff. Most people just don't want to humiliate themselves."

            "You couldn't do it," Brayden said.

            "Sure I could. Watch me." I walked toward the mime. As soon as he spotted me, he moonwalked past me, waving. Okay, I didn't know how to moon walk, but I waited to see what he would do next.

            He leaned over like he was resting his arm on a post or something. I did the same thing.

            Then he stood up, bent forward, and acted like he was walking into a strong wind.

            So did I.

            I kept it up for a while. Whatever he did -- I did the same thing. People started to watch us and laugh at him. Nobody tossed any money in his hat.

            "Come on," Brayden said. "I'm tired of watching you make a fool out of yourself. Let's get out of here."

            I bent toward him and whispered, "No way. I think I can get rid of him if I keep this up. I'll be doing everyone a favor."

            "You're on your own," he said. "I'm going home."

            "Fine. But you'll thank me tomorrow." I realized that was my mission now. I was going to get rid of the mime. For good. Whatever he did, I'd do the same thing. After a while, I even managed to do a half-decent moon walk. I was definitely giving him lots of reasons to leave. But I guess he was too stubborn to admit he'd lost.

            Then I realized I had another weapon. Just because the mime couldn't talk, that didn't mean I had to keep silent. Whatever I was doing, I yelled it out in a totally obvious way.

            "Hey, look at me! I'm trapped in an invisible box!"

            "Whoa! I'm walking against the wind. Isn't that amazing?"

            "Oh, no! I have to carry this really heavy box."

            Everyone who walked by stopped to laugh. I wasn't surprised. I had the sort of face that adults think is cute. I didn't mind. It got me out of a lot of trouble. It was amazing the things I could get away with just by flashing a smile.

            I'm pretty sure the mime didn't think I was cute. I kept waiting for him to get angry, but he didn't react to me at all for a while. Finally, after another half an hour or so of getting mocked and laughed at, his shoulders slumped and he walked away from city hall.

            I followed him down the street. Sure enough, when he reached the next block, he put down his hat and started miming again. So I started mocking again. I don't know why he though a new location would make a difference.

            He tried moving again, a while later. And I followed him again. Nobody had given him a dime the whole time I was making fun of him. This was great. I promised myself I'd do this for as long as it took to get rid of him forever. I really hated mimes, and couldn't imagine why anyone would chose to spend his days like that.

            "You've lost," I told him. "Find some other town. Go annoy some other people."

            He didn't say anything to me, of course. But he obviously had no idea when to quit. He kept trying. I was getting tired and hungry. It was already past dinner time. And it was growing dark. I figured he'd give up sooner or later.

            Eventually, we reached the old bus station. It had been closed down last year after they built the new one, so there was nobody going past us. Nobody had any reason to be here. Even so, the mime kept doing his mime routine.

            The street lights flickered on. I looked around. There wasn't a single person in sight beside the mime and me. A slight tremor of fear rippled through my gut when I realized we were alone. But I was pretty big for my age, and I was a good runner. He wouldn't be able to hurt me. He wasn't a mugger or a gangster. He was a mime, which meant he was probably pretty much a wimp.

            "There's nobody watching," I said while he pretended to reel in a big fish. "Give up."

            He shrugged. "You win."

            The words startled me. I figured he'd never talk.

            He pulled a rag from his pocket and started wiping the thick makeup from his face. "You got what you wanted. You'll never see me again." His voice was deep, but soft. Something about it made my nerves tingle.

            "Great." I backed away a step. He was too calm. I'd trashed his whole act for hours, and he wasn't angry.

            He looked at the rag, which was no covered with the white face paint. "SPF one thousand," he said.

            "What?"

            "Total sun protection. It's the only way I can go out during the day -- with paint on my face and my lips firmly sealed, since the inside of my mouth is just as vulnerable as my skin. Oh, let's not forget the special protective lenses." He reached toward his eyes and popped something into his palm. His pupils were dark slits, now. The whites of his eyes were shot through with blood vessels. His face was nearly as pale the makeup he'd removed.

            "I know my little hobby is silly, and not very sophisticated, but it is so very much better than spending all day in a coffin, waiting for the sun to set. And so perfect for finding the sort of victim that nobody will miss very much. People who hate mimes are often unpleasant and annoying creatures, themselves. They are obnoxious little weasels who think they are important and superior."

            He flashed a smile at me -- but not the closed-lipped stupid mime smile he'd used all day. He opened his mouth for this smile, showing four long, sharp fangs. Vampire fangs.

            In an eye blink, before I could even turn away from him and start to run, he closed the distance between us and grabbed my shoulders in a crushing grip. He bent his head toward my neck. I could smell damp earth on his clothes and stale blood on his breath.

            I opened my mouth to scream, but terror closed my throat and no sound came out.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 43 )
Rating Distribution

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(37)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 44 Customer Reviews
  • Posted March 19, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    David Lubar has released another humorous horror anthology

    David Lubar has released another humorous horror anthology aimed at middle school readers. The thirty tales are spooky but contain no blood or slashing. The stories are short, but gripping as the young audience will enjoy the brisk reading experience.

    The title entry stars a boy sick of the fake vampires especially his sister and her boyfriend and decides to teach the "undead" a biting lesson. "The Ride of a Lifetime" focuses on Zack who wants to ride the Titanium Tempest, but his family prevent him so he pulls off a stunt for a midnight ride only to know he wants off immediately. Particularly amusing is "Chirp" who turns into different birds when he says "Chirp", but will soon make a potentially fatal mistake. Jacob is disgusted with the workers lazing around until he complains and learns what their "Roadwork" is missing. In "Lost and Found", Dale and Kirby find an expensive handkerchief with a series of symbols sewn into it that has them take it a grateful Xantin who is euphoric and glad to have two boys inside his house of horrors.

    The other contributions are as scary and funny whether it is in the school gym or running a train, as Mr. Lubar provides an amusing compilation.

    Harriet Klausner

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 13, 2012

    GO WEENIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AWESOME! Now I want to read every weenies book. This has nothing to do with vampire hot dogs

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2012

    Happy

    Best Book

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 7, 2011

    Attack of the Vampire Weenies

    I got this book as a Goodreads giveaway. I'd originally thought to get it for my son to read, but after the first couple of stories I stopped. Not appropriate for him. But, I continued reading myself and very much enjoyed the stories. This collection of shorts is well written and imaginative. I look forward to reading more of Mr Lubar's books in the future.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 22, 2013

    FUNNY!!!!!:)

    YOU guys need to read this it is action packed with tales about vampires

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2012

    WEENIES!

    Best book ever

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2012

    Micah

    Great book. Dads should get it for kids named micah

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 19, 2012

    ¿¿{}

    Cant wait to read it!!!!!!!"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"!!!!!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 1, 2011

    Awesome

    Best book ever

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 20, 2011

    Good

    I wish to read more.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 1, 2011

    Awesome

    This book is awesome I recomend it

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 4, 2014

    I love these storys

    It is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo great

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 2, 2014

    Jajsia

    This book is awsomejsjwksjsjdjkdkjmsksmdkqowioskiijsoikkikwkwikwkiiikkjwskkwwkkjjiejhduuejhjujnjwksuwiweljjjkdkdiefnfnnjeikjjjejedduerffshffhhhejjejejerrjrjrdjejwwwjjejjejekrjjwdksjfhsjahkjllqlaoududiskkkfkdjdkjjdkdkdddkkkk

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 4, 2013

    Weenies ha

    Weenies wennies i got a big wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnyyyyyy

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2013

    Hey micah tap here

    How old are you or do you go to mason intermediate

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2013

    The best book ever

    Help i need a new book series

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 24, 2012

    How great this book is.

    It's like the best book ever even thogh im on page 6

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2012

    Vampire. Weenies

    Its a great short story book .its the best book i have read in awhile i love the humor in it its so.funny i recommened it to all goofy book lovers

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 5, 2012

    Bcbvbvbvhv

    Go

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 11, 2012

    B-)

    I read Curse of the Campfire Weenies- loved it- I'm pretty sure I'll like all of his books.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 44 Customer Reviews

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