The Average American Male

( 120 )

Overview

An offensive, in-your-face, brutally honest and completely hilarious look at male inner life and sexual fantasy—sure to be one of the most controversial books of the year.

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The Average American Male

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Overview

An offensive, in-your-face, brutally honest and completely hilarious look at male inner life and sexual fantasy—sure to be one of the most controversial books of the year.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Josh Kilmer-Purcell
“It’s so primal, so dangerous, it might be the most ingenious book I’ve ever read.”
New York Times Bestselling author of THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS - Maddox
"[B]uy Chad’s book. It’s a blueprint of how the mind—and penis—of a typical American male works."
Toby Young
“[A] brilliant send-up of the way ...the male point of view has been misrepresented by militant feminists.”
New York Times bestselling author of THE ALPHABET Maddox
“[B]uy Chad’s book. It’s a blueprint of how the mind—and penis—of a typical American male works.”
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061231674
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 3/13/2007
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 287,003
  • Product dimensions: 5.31 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.57 (d)

Meet the Author

Chad Kultgen

Chad Kultgen graduated from the USC School of Cinematic Arts. His novels include The Average American Male, The Lie, and Men, Women & Children. He lives in California.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Christmas with Mom and Dad

Same old bullshit.

Chapter Two

The Flight Back to L.A.

It's two days after Christmas. I'm in Denver International Airport watching this old fat bitch eat a cup of yogurt. My blood is boiling.

She has this weird little baby spoon, and these leathery fucking jowls, and this twitchy mouth, and her little tongue keeps jerking around to lick this shit off her lips—it's really fucking disgusting me. But even more disgusting to me is the fact that her mouth has had cocks in it. I wonder what it is, other than age, that turns a mouth a man would want to put his cock in into a twitching hole getting yogurt shoveled into it with a baby spoon.

At some point in this old cunt's life some guy was paying for her dinner, buying her presents, and being as nice and romantic as possible just so he could put his cock in that disgusting fucking hole.

On the plane—

There's a girl sitting next to me with red hair and perfect rock-hard C cups. She can't be more than nineteen and I'd love to know her name so I could see if it fits. I don't ask her even though she'd probably tell me, and it might even lead to a full-on conversation, which might lead to something else, like getting her number or taking her out to dinner. Instead, I just lean back, get a big whiff of her shampoo, and wonder if she could ever possibly know that I'll think about her for the next few weeks every time I jerk off. Probably not.

And I'm out like a light.

I'm still in a weird kind of dream when I get off the plane at LAX so I'm not sure if Trent Reznor walks past me at the Delta baggage claim. I am sure thatthe redhead is standing by me, and even though I don't have any bags to wait for, she does, so I pretend to.

I look at her luggage tag when she picks up her suitcase. Alyna Janson. It fits.

Satisfied, I go wait for twenty minutes to pay twenty dollars to ride a SuperShuttle back to my apartment in Westwood. Coincidentally enough, Alyna gets on the same SuperShuttle and tells the driver she's going to UCLA, two blocks from my house.

I stare at her without her knowing or caring until we get to her stop. When she gets out I don't make any effort to move out of her way, so she has to brush me with her ass, and she has a nice fucking ass.

When I get off the bus at my own stop I'm glad I never talked to Alyna. When I walk through my front door I wish I had. When I hit my bed, I'm glad I have a girlfriend I can fuck on a regular basis. When I wake up the next morning to a phone call begging me to spend my last days off going to the gym and shopping at Century City with her, I wish I didn't.

The Average American Male
A Novel
. Copyright © by Chad Kultgen. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 120 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(56)

4 Star

(32)

3 Star

(16)

2 Star

(8)

1 Star

(8)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 120 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 31, 2011

    Wow

    Two stars go to the publisher for actually spending more than five minutes on this POC. I read the sample in about fifteen minutes and wondered: does this guy work? All he does is jerk off. And he wonders why he never got the hot chicks in high school. Chances are this dude is one dorky guy and thought he could publish his diary. Well, the price is right I suppose. It's more a waste of time than money at this point. If I was a guy I don't think I would want this writer representing my life as a man. If this is the average american male, I'm better off with another woman, y'know?

    11 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 24, 2012

    Whqt What a waste.

    Who gave this guy a book deal?

    6 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 22, 2007

    Not for the faint of heart

    If you're an open-minded individual who can laugh at anything, then this is the book for you. I am a female who is used to hanging out with the guys. I'm used to their 'language' and their thoughts and I'm very used to them voicing them. This book was hilarious. Wonderful insight to the male mind, which (no offense guys) isn't so far off from what us girls have thought all along. Definitely shocking but entertaining nontheless. Highly recommend it, but only if you aren't the type to get your panties in a bunch.

    6 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 4, 2012

    Hahaha, oh man this book! It's great! It's all about endemic soc

    Hahaha, oh man this book! It's great! It's all about endemic societal sexism and it's just so funny the way that he's a misogynist! lol! Maybe get back into the kitchen if this kind of humor offends you.

    5 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2012

    Don't waste your time or money...

    I read this book because I really enjoyed "My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me" by Hilary Winston (known as Casey in this story). I will admit that this novel was entertaining at first, but the plot just gets repetitive and boring.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 16, 2011

    Great book

    Full of twists, laughs, and sex. Very well written with its own great style.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 21, 2009

    Offensive but wonderful

    This book using some of the most offensive, degrading language towards females I have ever read. As a woman, I found it entertaining and hilarious. I was somehow rooting for the main character (whose name is not revealed) even though he was, to put it bluntly, such a selfish jerk. Very amusing read, but definitely not for anyone looking for a heartwarming, happy ending.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 11, 2012

    What guys are thinking

    I found this book depressing. A few funny OMG moments, but for the most part just sad.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 29, 2007

    Nothing happens

    Existentialism for the 21st century. This book has almost no literary or artistic content whatsoever, which gives it a depth that eludes modern authors who try to artificially inject meaning using clever literary tricks.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 13, 2013

    Kultgen has broken the "guy code" by revealing how men

    Kultgen has broken the "guy code" by revealing how men think (no matter how vociferously they deny it to their wives or girlfriends)...

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 28, 2012

    This book is incredible

    I could not put this book down. Absolutely amazing.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2012

    From dislike to intrigued to soul punched.

    This book is definitly in the grey area.

    While it's certainly easy to dismiss this book right away, when you're introduced to this random douche who hates pretty much everyone and everything for no apparent reason. If you decide to keep going, you begin see things unravel.

    The humor is crude and the characters are shallow but that's because it's set in a culture that's crude and shallow. Eventually you start to discover is you're following a fraustrated guy who is constantly trapped between his own simple base needs and being forced into life decisions he's not ready for because of those simple base needs.

    And then the ending... :(

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 15, 2009

    Hm...

    I guess the best thing I can say about this book is that 90% of the time, I didn't know whether to smile or scowl. It's a unique read - that's for sure. I'm not going to give the plot away, but if you're looking for something contemporary to really make you wonder about our society nowadays, this is the book for you...

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 22, 2007

    Best book I read in a while

    I picked up this book off the shelves, and as soon as opened it and read the first page it gave me a little smile and a shock of interest. I read more on and I was hooked. It just so happens I was looking for a book with crude humor (Its my 'thing') and I came accross this and it was exactly what I was looking for. The bad language actually made me enjoy the book more due to it made me feel comfortable and right at home and fun to read. Although it's fiction I could imagine an actual guy doing at least some of these things (not me of course...) Also the views that he gave on the 'pregnancy' subject he kinda gave a pretty good idea of what most guys would feel in that situation. I give this book a good recommendation, even if you don't believe in alot of the things mentioned, it's still a pretty amusing read. High five to Chad, this book made my day, and hopefully more peoples as well.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2007

    It certainly is different ....

    When I first started reading this book, I was shocked by the language and content. Once I grew accustomed to it, I looked at the story for what it really was: a guy's point of view uncensored. I don't think it's really a question about whether every guy thinks like this because that's irrelevant. Most importantly, the narrator is practically still the same guy at the end as he was at the beginning, no matter what he goes through. About 98% the same. It's an atypical read for me because I'm accustomed to female writers, but I highly recommend it females too.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 2, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Awesome book...

    This book is fantastic. I was laughing the whole way through. The title says it all, this book really is about the average American male. I could not put this book down. BUY THIS BOOK!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 22, 2007

    Worth every penny!

    Hilarious book! Its a short read, finished it in about a day, but I could not put it down! I think most guys can relate to a lot of what the author is trying to get across.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 31, 2007

    A 'must read' ... for men.

    Very entertaining and easy to read. This is a tale of relationships and sex that most men will find hysterical--and something most men will relate to, whether they admit it or not. Just try to put it down!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 22, 2013

    Horrible

    The publishing company should reimburse my money and the author should pay me for reading this piece of crap. I pushed through thinking surely it would get better since so many people gave it good reviews and I'm sorry I did. What a huge waste of time and money. I am NOT easily offended and really I don't think offended is the right word, disgusted, repulsed and quite frankly if this is the average American male I feel sorry for men. It must be difficult to be so shallow, self centered and just plain mean. And let's not even mention his obsession with masturbation.....good Lord dude leave your winkie alone. Uggggg what a waste of money!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 25, 2013

    Honest portrayal of the young american male

    The author holds no punches in his portrayal of the young american male psyche. For good or I'll there are many young men that think like the character in this book

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 120 Customer Reviews

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