Awakening

Claire Ryan pushed open the door to Bibliophile and struggled to calm her racing heart. Once inside, she rushed over to a large, square table covered in the newest bestsellers and leant heavily against it as she struggled to regain her balance. Closing her eyes tightly, she breathed deeply and silently chanted “In two, three, four. Out two, three, four. In two, three, four. Out two, three, four”. She continued the breathing exercises she’d read about in her latest Zen book as she fought the panic rushing through her veins.

Fifteen years. That’s how long it had been since she’d done anything social by herself, and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to do this. She’d waffled all day about whether or not to come before finally becoming thoroughly sick of herself. It was just a goddamn book club meeting. It wasn’t like she was running the gauntlet. Well, not literally.

The last year had been spent in near isolation with only Chester, her Pitbull, for company. She had no friends, she was estranged from her family, and her relationship of 14 years had ended, leaving her alone. Claire had been determined to take the time to figure out what she was doing with her life, and the last year had been spent laying the foundation for living. For the first few months, she’d fooled herself into believing that she was actually living. She worked, she ate, she read, she went to sleep and she took care of Chester. That was it. That was the sum total of Claire’s life for the last 365 days. Today was the anniversary of her break-up with Charlie. It was no coincidence that she’d chosen it to re-enter the living world.

Slowly, Claire felt her chest loosen and her breathing slow to normal. Once she was certain she wasn’t going to pass out, she stood and smoothed her sweater down over her hips before standing straight and taking one last deep breath. On the exhale, she finally took a look around the store. Bibliophile was a small, local bookstore that catered to hardcore readers. It offered services for locating hard to find and out-of-print books and held regular readings, book clubs, and author events. For over ten years, Claire had walked by the store, but never once been inside. She’d done all of her shopping at the local Barnes & Noble, online, or simply checked books out at the library.

The store was actually a converted townhouse in the growing urban district of River Rock, Vermont. It was cosy, with row upon row of shelves housing books of every genre. The front of the building was dominated by a huge bay window with a clever display of books set up like a house of cards next to a sign announcing the store’s monthly event calendar. Perpendicular to the window was the checkout counter, which held a smattering of pens and bookmarks along with a Dell flat screen monitor and computer. The counter was neat and free of the usual clutter one tended to find in such places. In fact, as Claire scanned the entire store, searching out the club meeting, it was neat as a pin. The floors were oak done in a parquet style where the grain alternated direction. Cheery yellow paint covered the walls, which were lined with classic movie posters and playbills. The overall effect was modern vintage.

Hearing voices coming from the back, Claire headed in that direction. Just as she stepped into the aisle between New Releases and Popular Fiction, the single most gorgeous man she had ever seen stepped out of the row closest to the register and walked behind the counter. That fast she lost her breath all over again.

He was tall, well over six feet, with close-cropped, black hair that showed just a hint of grey at the temples. His face was almost harsh, with a strong chin and straight nose. Given the heavy shadow he was sporting at just past 6 p.m., Claire guessed he probably had to shave twice a day if he really wanted to stay smooth. He was older, probably in his late 40s, but extremely fit. His lean firm body was accentuated by the black T-shirt and black jeans he wore. The T-shirt lovingly accentuated his broad shoulders and narrow waist. Rugged. That was it. If she had to find one word to describe him, it was rugged. He had her body tightening in places she’d forgotten about.

Claire watched as he set down the stack of books he was carrying and reached for the mouse. She felt rooted to the spot. She knew better than to gawk, but he was stunning. She could stand there and watch him for ever. He moved with an unconscious grace that was almost erotic. His fingers were long and his hands were large yet surprisingly deft as he moved the mouse, clicking every now and then. From her angle, Claire could see that his eyes were a dark brown and she bet that if she got close, she’d probably have a hard time discerning the iris from the pupil. He mesmerised her. She couldn’t remember ever being so taken aback by a man. Not even Charlie, and he was the best looking man she’d ever dated.

Pain stabbed through her at the thought of Charlie. She had no right to stand there and ogle this man. After what she’d done, she knew better than to indulge in such a pointless endeavour. In obvious approval of her decision, a wave of cool air swept across Claire as a bell rung and another patron entered. The breeze fluttered her hair and pushed her gently toward the back. Taking it as a sign, Claire scurried into the stacks to find her club meeting.