Baby Plays Around: A Love Affair, with Music

Baby Plays Around: A Love Affair, with Music

4.0 1
by Helene Stapinski
By the author of the bestselling Five-Finger Discount, a hip, funny, and absorbing memoir of a journalist realizing a lifelong dream - playing drums in a rock band - as her marriage hits the rocks

Helene Stapinski took guitar lessons when she was a girl, but it was her brother's drums that really held her interest. She used to sneak in and play them


By the author of the bestselling Five-Finger Discount, a hip, funny, and absorbing memoir of a journalist realizing a lifelong dream - playing drums in a rock band - as her marriage hits the rocks

Helene Stapinski took guitar lessons when she was a girl, but it was her brother's drums that really held her interest. She used to sneak in and play them when he was away; when he realized what she was doing, he dismantled them each time he finished playing. But Helene figured out how to put them back together. She learned the classic drum solos and followed the careers of famous drummers.

As an adult, Helene put the drums aside and became a journalist. When she was thirty she interviewed Julie, the leader of a rock band, for a story. The band needed a drummer, and Helene's long-forgotten ambitions came flooding back. She joined, and then she brought her husband aboard on bass.

Just as they started playing out at clubs, though, Helene's husband quit the group. And as Helene's involvement with her bandmates deepened, her relationship with her husband became distant and strained - and very nearly shattered.

Baby Plays Around reads like a novel but will ring true to anyone who has ever been in a band or just dreamed of it. Set amid the bars, clubs, and rehearsal studios of Manhattan's Lower East Side, it's an incisive exploration of the romance of rock and roll, and of the realization and relinquishing of youthful dreams - about ambition, freedom, and infidelity, about love lost and found again. Written with the same wit and insight that distinguished Stapinski's uproarious memoir Five-Finger Discount - and a sense of humor as sharp as the crack of asnare drum - Baby Plays Around is a unique and deeply personal story of music and passion.

Helene Stapinski is the author of Five-Finger Discount. She has written for The New York Times, New York magazine, Billboard, and other publications. She studied journalism at New York University and received her M.F.A. from Columbia University.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
In her newest, after Five-Finger Discount, Stapinski places her life under the microscope, this time looking at love and music. Stapinski evocatively recounts her life in 1990s New York City, where she tries to balance a freelance writing career with the responsibilities of a new marriage while playing in a rock band led by Julie, one of her interview subjects. Her account of learning to play drums as a teenager by sneaking into her brother's room to play his set is a touching piece on the secret joy that rock music can provide "to hold on to those last, panicked moments of childhood lost." She also captures the strange exhilaration that comes from relentless rehearsals and performances in dingy clubs, and her exploration of her love for the music of Elvis Costello is touching. Her musical idyll is shattered, however, when she discovers that her journalist husband has been having an affair with a co-worker. Her description of violent fights with her husband, including smashed objects and a visit by the police, is harrowing, as is the affair's effect on her drumming: her husband's face and that of his girlfriend are "mentally planted on each drum skin." Only the book's too tidy ending, in which new-mom Stapinski waxes nostalgic for the "more than two years" covered here, gives the narrative a somewhat forced attempt to wrap up her story neatly. (Jan.) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
While interviewing a New York City musician for an article, Stapinski (Five-Finger Discount) found out about her need for a drummer. This information awakened her dormant rock'n'roll desires (as a girl, she had taught herself to play on her brother's kit); she tried out and got the gig in the band that would become Stephonic. So began an invigorating, if short-lived, career that coincided with a rocky stretch in the author's marriage. With clarity and passion, Stapinski documents how drumming counseled her through an infidelity, and-in an ironic twist-how her improving marriage saved her when she was fired from Stephonic. Drawing parallels between a musical relationship and a marriage has been done before, but Stapinski humanizes her experiences in such an engrossing and entertaining way that she transcends the clich to remind us why it's so true. This worthy second effort will especially appeal to women readers with rock fantasies of their own. For all libraries. [Stapinski's Five-Finger Discount is being developed into a TV series by David E. Kelley.-Ed.]-Robert Morast, "Argus Leader," Sioux Falls, SD Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
Well-lit, cracking memoir of Lower East Side nights playing in a band. It all starts when Stapinski (Five-Finger Discount, 2001) is interviewing Julie for a magazine assignment about working the graveyard shift. Out of the blue, Julie mentions, "I want to start a band, but I can't find a drummer." Stapinski's ears nearly rotate, but she keeps her cool: "Adjusting my voice so as not to sound too eager, I muttered, as off-hand as I could, my opening line. My come-on. My pickup. 'Well, I play drums.' " Thus, after a good number of labor pains, the band I Hate Jane is born, putting a spring in Stapinski's step and a glow in her cheeks. "When I played drums," she writes, "I knew what those surfers felt like, inside the tube, the wave breaking over them, but at the same time carrying them, faster and faster," into the music, which, "if practiced right, could climax in a way that made your knees all noodly." She fills the gaps in the music and vice versa. The writing has a confidential, diary-like tone as Stapinski explains what it's like to practice until you ache and what it is like to be "in clave. The groove. The moment when it all comes together." There are also disruptive times, when new players tip the balance, a new group is born, an ex-player is shown the door; the band morphs this way and that until it finally leaves Stapinski in the exhaust. But the real counterbalance to the merriment and light is the explosion of the author's marriage, falling apart and coming together and falling apart and coming together to deliver an emotional tattooing that she reveals to the quick without overplaying the genuine misery of it all. Not so much a pretty picture as one of high contrast, all theenergy and thrall caught in Stapinski's frame. Agent: Jennifer Rudolph Walsh/William Morris

Product Details

Random House Publishing Group
Publication date:
Product dimensions:
6.42(w) x 9.32(h) x 0.99(d)

Read an Excerpt


We lived in Brooklyn on the sixth floor of a building that looked like something out of a fairy tale. It had red pointed towers, with a slate spiral staircase running up the outside, and a balcony—a breezeway, the super called it—with an ornate, black, wrought-iron railing. It ran the length of the building, past everyone’s front door, like the terrace on each floor of a motel. Our breezeway looked out at the corniced tops of the brownstones across the way, out at the Statue of Liberty and down at the metal garbage cans and fire hydrants on the sidewalk, which was cracked and cleaving from the deep roots of old maple trees.

I worked in that building most days, writing musician interviews, travel stories, trend pieces, stories about New York, whatever I could scrounge up. From my back bedroom office, I looked down at the soft tops of the trees in the courtyard. The only noise, besides the incredible racket of the Tuesday morning recycling truck and the occasional car alarm, was the nearby Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, whose hum was so constant it sounded like a rushing river. Or so I liked to think.

There were better ways to make a living. But there were worse ways, too. I could be covered in yellow paint, working in the dip room of a pencil factory, like my mother had when she was young, or sitting inside the little emergency booth in the Holland Tunnel, watching the cars go by (which had to be one of the worst jobs ever), or working in a fluorescent-lit office with no windows, like my husband did most nights as a reporter at a newspaper.

I imagined the newsroom was especially depressing after nine p.m. So most afternoons, tocheer him up, I packed Martin his dinner in a plastic shopping bag. Rice and beans or pasta with homemade sauce. A piece of fruit and a few cookies. Each night, he returned the Tupperware, one of the small rituals of marriage no one ever tells you about.

We were still newlyweds. Only two years before, Martin had taken me to the top of New York, to Rockefeller Center, to the Rainbow Room, on the pretense we were celebrating the fourth anniversary of our first date, and with the glow of the city lights like votive can- dles flickering below us, with the big band playing “Stardust” in the background, he had proposed to me. He offered me a ring that his mother—a goldsmith—had forged. It had two thick braids of gold and a round ruby that changed from stoplight red to rose-petal pink as my hand shook that night and I hesitantly answered, “Yes.”

I fingered the ring now whenever I was nervous, whenever I had trouble with an interview subject, whenever I had trouble writing a sentence. These days, I was trying to get my pen in the door of the women’s magazines—cash cows with stories that paid double what my rock star interviews paid. One of my former professors from graduate school encouraged me to write a pitch to one of her old friends at Cosmopolitan that autumn, just as the leaves in our courtyard were starting to turn from green to taxicab gold.

As a preteen I had read Cosmo, which I lifted from my sister Paula’s coffee table and snuck into the bathroom. It was in Cosmo’s pages that I had learned what a clitoris was, what a rubber was, how to one day give a good blowjob, but most important, I read a description of a simultaneous orgasm. Cosmo said it was like riding the Tilt-a-Whirl. I was well acquainted with the Tilt-a-Whirl. There was a Bruce Springsteen song, a favorite of mine that mentioned it. “You know that Tilt-a-Whirl down on the south beach drag, I got on it last night and my shirt got caught.”

After writing an introductory letter that mentioned the Cosmo Tilt-a-Whirl orgasm story and dropping my professor’s name, I was invited to the magazine office to look at “The Book”—the legendary sacred text of women’s magazine publishing.

I learned that the Book was actually two books, two thick binders filled with story ideas that Cosmo had kept for years. Some ideas were typewritten brainstorms from editors, but most were pages ripped out of other women’s magazines, with “Let’s do something like this” scribbled at the top. I read each one carefully, trying to find the story that would inspire me.

It wasn’t easy.

These stories had all been written before, and then written again, and again, and again, and again, and once again, over the years. I had read them all as a kid, as a preteen, and again as a teenager, and then again in my early twenties, until I had stopped reading Cosmo altogether. It was like going back to a bad soap opera after a decade and finding the same characters and plotlines.

They were all relationship stories: stories about Meeting Mr. Right, Keeping Mr. Right, Blowing Mr. Right, with an occasional orgasm story thrown in for color. The women’s magazines were notorious for farming out any real, hard news stories—prostitution, drugs, domestic abuse—to their male writers. Women writers were left to catfight over the same old stories in the relationship ghetto.

After two hours of flipping, the only story that I could see myself actually writing was one called “Working the Night Shift.” Not just a Love piece or a Fuck piece, but about women who worked the night shift: strippers, waitresses, cops, and nurses.

I alerted the perky editorial assistant that I had found a winner. And she led me, assignment in hand, to meet Myra, her boss. I poked a head into her office. From behind a large wooden desk she waved her long, skinny, wrinkled arm. “Come in,” the arm said. “And make it snappy.”

Myra’s office was spacious, with a view of midtown Manhattan, and a separate, smaller desk supporting her old-fashioned manual typewriter. I wasn’t sure if she still used it or if it was just for show.

Myra scared me like my math teacher in fifth grade had scared me. Miss Bertha was ancient and crumbly, with bug eyes and wrinkles, the first hard woman I had ever known. Myra made Bertha look like a cherub. I nodded and tried to smile as Myra barked out commands about my chosen assignment.

This wasn’t just a first-name story, with made-up, half-fictional friends divulging exaggerated tales of love and lust, she told me. This was about real people working real jobs divulging exaggerated tales of love and lust.

If the quotes weren’t quite right, she said, I should make them up.

“Make them up?”

“Yes,” she said. “Didn’t they teach you that in journalism school?”

Finding women who worked the night shift would be easy enough. The trick was to find women who would talk about their sex lives. I cast the net wide, asking all my friends to search their address books for potential victims.

My nurse friend, Pam Marla, found me a woman named Karen who worked overnights at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village, tending to the overdoses and the legions of lonely people who all suffered from a similar ailment—foreign objects lodged in terrible places. There were shampoo bottles, candles, Orangina bottles, Chinese metal love balls, bananas, and lightbulbs. There was the occasional vegetable. “I was gardening and fell over and this cucumber . . .” the story went.

“Gardening naked?” she’d ask.

There was the couple that came in one night: he with a lacerated penis and she with a concussion. It seems that while he was doing the dishes, she decided to show her gratitude and practice what she’d read in the pages of Cosmo. While on her knees, in the act, she suffered an epileptic seizure. Her mouth clamped down, jaws freezing shut. So he hit her with the first thing he could grab, a dirty frying pan.

Maybe it was the atmosphere of St. Vincent’s emergency room rubbing off, but Karen was very frank about her own sex life, which gave my Cosmo story the bite it needed. “Sleeping together is a big part of a relationship,” Karen told me. “So we make the time. He’s a big morning person, and I’m a big night person, so we do it at all times of the day now.” St. Vincent’s Catholic public relations department would have a collective coronary over that quote.

I interviewed a go-go dancer from a club in Manhattan. A cop who worked the graveyard shift. I found a night editor at CNN through an old girlfriend of Martin’s, Linda. She put me in touch with a thirty-one-year-old single editor friend, who told me that working the lobster shift spelled doom for a dating life, but that on her commute home she got to see sunrises that most people missed out on.

I called the San Diego Zoo and tracked down the overnight zookeeper; an overnight waitress in a twenty-four-hour diner in Jersey. My friend Laura, a fellow writer who’d gone to graduate school with me, had a single friend who worked computers at night down on Wall Street and agreed to talk to me over the phone.

“Her name is Julie,” Laura said. “Julie Stepanek.”

So I dialed Julie’s number and was surprised when a young girl answered, a young girl with a stuffed-up nose. “Can I speak to Julie?” I asked.

“This is Julie,” she said, all brightness and cheer.

“Oh hi. This is Helene, Laura’s friend.”

“Oh hi!” she said, even more brightly.

“You sounded like a little kid.”

“I’m little,” she said, “but unfortunately I’m not a kid. I’m an old lady. Thirty.”

“Me, too,” I said, cringing a little. I told her about my story, about where it would be published, and she immediately went into detail about life with her boyfriend, Jimmy.

“We both grew up in St. Louis, but we moved to New York so he could go to graduate school. I’m supporting him,” she said. “Barely.” Then Julie laughed. She had a great laugh, deep but light at the same time, full of personality, like the ones that stand out sometimes over all the others on a sitcom laugh track.

I sort of knew her boyfriend, Jimmy. He had been in my writing program, which was how Laura had met Julie. To get her to open up some more, I told her about my St. Vincent’s nurse and how working nights had really affected her and her boyfriend’s love life. “Crazy hours and all,” I said.

“Oh, we hardly sleep together anymore anyway,” Julie said, not the least bit embarrassed. “We sleep separately. We get a better night’s sleep that way.”


“One night we had a fight coming home from a party. It was this incredibly stupid fight about which was bigger, St. Louis or Minneapolis.” She laughed again. I liked it when she laughed. I wanted to keep her on the line, just to hear her laugh. “We fought all night about it, about which was bigger, and got so mad at each other we wound up sleeping in separate beds. I went on the futon and he slept in our bed, which was always too soft for my back anyway. And since then, we haven’t slept in the same bed.” She paused. I wasn’t sure what I should say.

“Jimmy’s a really light sleeper anyway,” she said, jumping right in again. “He hates anyone touching him while he’s asleep. And he hates being naked.” She laughed again.

They’d been together for nearly a decade, twice as long as Martin and me. Is this what all relationships came to? Separate beds and infrequent sex? Platonic friendship by your thirties? We’d only been married a year, but it seemed to me that sleeping together was the best part of the deal. Sex? Spooning? Holding one another come morning? Wasn’t this why we were together? Why people mated in the first place? To have and to hold. That’s what the vows said.

I didn’t want to know Julie’s answers to those questions, really, but I wanted her to keep talking. So I steered the conversation away from her boyfriend in very un-Cosmo-like fashion. “So why do you work on Wall Street at night? Isn’t trading over by then?”

Copyright© 2004 by Helene Stapinski

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Baby Plays Around 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a young girl taking guitar lessons, Helene Stapinski finds her first real love in her brother¿s set of pearl-white Ludwig¿s. Growing up and leaving her dreams of being a drummer behind, Helene becomes a journalist. During an interview with a leader of a rock band, Julie, she mentions that she is need of a drummer. With all of her young ambitions coming back into mind, Helene says, ¿I play drums.¿ And there it began, her love affair with rock and roll. In need of a bass player, her husband steps in for a while to get a few recordings done. After her husband, Martin, quits the band due to a full time job, their marriage becomes distant. She goes on a trip for a story with a man that wants her to pretend that she is his wife. Surprised that Martin is not worried, she goes for 3 weeks to Alaska. When she returns, she is lying in bed, not being able to recognize her husband. Horrified by the feeling, she falls asleep a few hours later, and wakes up finally remember who he is. She goes on finding new members to the band and trying to get gigs in as much as possible. A secret is later revealed of a horrible deed her husband, Martin, has committed. Infidelity strikes their relationship a devastating blow, and they try to push through it. As intriguing as the fights become, you almost want to `look away¿ in a sense. The only thing that kept her from completely losing her mind, was the band and playing her drums. Her drumming skills actually become better as she imagines their faces on her drum set and she beats away at them. As their first real big concert comes around, Helene tells Martin that he¿s not allowed to go, which really hurts him because he was looking forward to it. But during the concert, she feels a secret hope that he would disobey her and come anyways. Later she decides that she wants to leave Martin, for a few days at least. She goes on a trip with Julie to Tennessee to see her ex-boyfriend Tony. Tony tries to help her with her failing marriage because she cheated on him, and he has been able to forgive her. Just about anyone who has been in a relationship before can relate to this book when she¿s talking about her marriage with Martin. If you have not been in a band before, or don¿t know anything about drums, then some parts in the book can seem a bit confusing and maybe a little boring. I found the sections of the book where she talked about the problems in her marriage to be the most reflective and able to relate to. This novel would definitely appeal to anyone woman with a fantasy of being in a rock band or has been involved in music already.