Baby's First Tattoo: A Memory Book for Modern Parents

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Overview

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THINK CHILDREN ARE THE CUTEST,

CUDDLIEST, MOST WONDERFUL, SAINTLY CREATURES

IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY COLLECT FRAGILE POTTERY. THEY HAVE CANDLELIT DINNERS IN FANCY RESTAURANTS. THEY GO TO MOVIES. THEY HAVE WHITE CARPETS.

PEOPLE WITH SMALL CHILDREN HAVEN'T BEEN TO A ...

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More About This Book

Overview

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THINK CHILDREN ARE THE CUTEST,

CUDDLIEST, MOST WONDERFUL, SAINTLY CREATURES

IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY COLLECT FRAGILE POTTERY. THEY HAVE CANDLELIT DINNERS IN FANCY RESTAURANTS. THEY GO TO MOVIES. THEY HAVE WHITE CARPETS.

PEOPLE WITH SMALL CHILDREN HAVEN'T BEEN TO A RESTAURANT WITHOUT

PLASTIC SILVERWARE IN YEARS. THE LAST MOVIE THEY SAW IN A THEATER IS NOW

ON AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS. THEIR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS

DECORATED BY PEE-WEE HERMAN.

BABY'S FIRST TATTOO IS FOR THEM.


For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life — Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered — Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Jim Mullen thinks that the world has its fill of parent memory books that offer slots for baby's first word and first burp and first brilliant discovery. Believing that moms and dads want more than the gooey highlights of their toddler's daily routine, Mullen has prepared an alternative scrapbook for true 21st-century parents. Baby's First Tattoo includes lists that every caregiver can relate to, such as: "Restaurants We Never Go to Anymore"; "First Irreplaceable Heirloom You Broke"; and, of course, "Oscar-Winning Movies We've Never Seen."

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780743224451
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
  • Publication date: 4/28/2002
  • Pages: 80
  • Sales rank: 180,262
  • Product dimensions: 6.40 (w) x 7.70 (h) x 0.40 (d)

Meet the Author

Jim Mullen has seven brothers and sisters and sixteen nieces and nephews. When not in therapy, he writes the "Hot Sheet" column for Entertainment Weekly and is the author of It Takes a Village Idiot, a memoir of moving from Manhattan to a small town in the Catskills.

Barry Blitt's illustrations have appeared on the cover of the New Yorker and have also graced the pages of the Chicago Tribune, the New York Times, and Entertainment Weekly. He is the illustrator of Once Upon a Time, the End (Asleep in 60 Seconds) by Geoffrey Kloske and The Adventures of Mark Twain by Huckleberry Finn by Robert Burleigh, as well as other picture books. He lives in Riverside, Connecticut.

Read an Excerpt

Baby's First Tattoo

A Memory Book for Modern Parents
By Jim Mullen

Simon & Schuster

Copyright © 2002 Jim Mullen
All right reserved.
ISBN: 0743224450

Introduction

There are two kinds of babies in the world: the cute, cuddly, cherubic bundles of joy and the real ones. This book is for parents who are thinking of having, who are near having, or who have recently had a real baby. Even if you want the other kind, chances are that you will get a real, crying, screaming, nerve-shredding baby instead.

While most books marking your baby's milestones concentrate on minor events like Baby's First Word, and Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Tattoo lets you relive the unforgettable moments in your baby's life that are too often ignored: Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's First Dirt-Eating, Baby's First Test of Wills.

Unlike the old-fashioned baby books you will find in your parents' attic, this book is meant to be filled out beyond page four, and will also give you a timely warning as to what new hell you can expect from your child next. Will today be the day you make two visits to the emergency room or just your First Panic Call to Poison Control?

People often say to me, "If babies are such a bother and a burden, why do people keep having them?" And I say, "Because they have poor memories." To which they say, "What were we just talking about?"

The other reason is that parents, quite naturally, like to brag about their children. They play up the good things and avoid the bad. You will always hear about Billy's first step. You will rarely hear about Billy's first day in juvenile court, even if you were one of his victims. You will most definitely hear about Betty's first haircut, yet the day she bit the neighbor kid so hard he needed stitches in his hand is somehow glossed over. Baby's First Tattoo presents life with a new child the way it really is, not the way it should be.

Text copyright © 2002 by Jim Mullen



Continues...

Excerpted from Baby's First Tattoo by Jim Mullen Copyright © 2002 by Jim Mullen. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Introduction

Introduction

There are two kinds of babies in the world: the cute, cuddly, cherubic bundles of joy and the real ones. This book is for parents who are thinking of having, who are near having, or who have recently had a real baby. Even if you want the other kind, chances are that you will get a real, crying, screaming, nerve-shredding baby instead.

While most books marking your baby's milestones concentrate on minor events like Baby's First Word, and Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Tattoo lets you relive the unforgettable moments in your baby's life that are too often ignored: Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's First Dirt-Eating, Baby's First Test of Wills.

Unlike the old-fashioned baby books you will find in your parents' attic, this book is meant to be filled out beyond page four, and will also give you a timely warning as to what new hell you can expect from your child next. Will today be the day you make two visits to the emergency room or just your First Panic Call to Poison Control?

People often say to me, "If babies are such a bother and a burden, why do people keep having them?" And I say, "Because they have poor memories." To which they say, "What were we just talking about?"

The other reason is that parents, quite naturally, like to brag about their children. They play up the good things and avoid the bad. You will always hear about Billy's first step. You will rarely hear about Billy's first day in juvenile court, even if you were one of his victims. You will most definitely hear about Betty's first haircut, yet the day she bit the neighbor kid so hard he needed stitches in his hand is somehow glossed over. Baby's First Tattoo presents life with a new child the way it really is, not the way it should be.

Text copyright © 2002 by Jim Mullen

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 6 )

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Sort by: Showing all of 6 Customer Reviews

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 1, 2003

    reality

    this baby book was a cute little gift from my mother. being that my husband and I are heavily tattooed (he's an artist and we own a shop). the book itself is too small to really hold a lot but the little headings are just cute to read.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 29, 2010

    Made me laugh out loud

    After reading the 1 star review that the previous reviewer gave this book, I don't think that he/she actually read the other reviews. This is not your typical fill in the blank baby book with the normal "firsts". As an earlier reviewer said, you have to have a sense of humor to really appreciate this book. I saw it at a baby shower last night and spent the next 15 minutes laughing and chuckling over all the extremely funny fill in the blanks. I am well past child bearing years, but look forward to giving this book to my children's friends as they become parents.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 21, 2009

    BAD BOOK-NOT WORTH THE MONEY

    I thought that this was going to be a great book based on the reviews. It actually is just ridiculous. It is pages and pages of nonsense that you won't ever fill in about your baby. I filled in about 20 out of 200 things in this book because it was outrageous and over the top. For example, there is a whole page of talk shows your baby appeared on, 4 pages of family history where you should fill in info about "step" family members and then just crazy things like Date your Dr. chopped off your leg instead of foreskin__________ Name of taxicab driver who delivered you_________ Date of first daycare lawsuit____________ Date your tortured first animal_________

    The book would have been great if it was at all realistic and just included the first swear word, most embarrassing moment, first temper tantrum....etc. It really is a book just to read through for a laugh, but don't expect to truly use it as a momento because over 90% probably won't even apply to your baby/family. I was totally disappointed and am going to return it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 5, 2006

    I have the book and am saving it for WHEN I have kids

    I worked at B&N a long time ago and found this book, it was probably 10 years ago, and I still don't have children - but I KNEW this book was for me. It is absolutely HILARIOUS. There's nothing like writing down your baby's first curse word - sooo inappropriate, but don't you want to laugh with your kids about this one day?!?!?!?

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2004

    How Fun

    I wasn't quite sure what I was getting when I ordered this book, however I was pleasently surprised. This is a great book for expecting parents that have a sense of humor. This is a great secondary baby book. I will give this book to all my friends as they have kids. Not for the stuffy minded parents....

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 30, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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