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Banana Splitsville
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Banana Splitsville

3.1 16
by Catherine Clark

Has he called? No.

I half expected to see him at Truth or Dairy today. He's sort of addicted to Coconut Fantasy Dreams. We both are. It was like . . . our drink.

I was all ready to give him the cold shoulder, easy to do when working around ice cream all day. I could give him a bad ice-cream headache, mix extra ice in his smoothie and freeze his brain.

Like he


Has he called? No.

I half expected to see him at Truth or Dairy today. He's sort of addicted to Coconut Fantasy Dreams. We both are. It was like . . . our drink.

I was all ready to give him the cold shoulder, easy to do when working around ice cream all day. I could give him a bad ice-cream headache, mix extra ice in his smoothie and freeze his brain.

Like he could be any colder.

Editorial Reviews

Children's Literature - Julia Wang
Courtney Von Dragen Smith has just been dumped by her boyfriend Dave, who is a year older and wants to start college "free and clear." As a result, Courtney starts a diary in which she swears off guys for the entirety of her senior year. Yet, she is confused by her emotions for Grant, a guy from school. She wants distractions, and since her work at Truth and Dairy is not enough, she runs for vice president of the senior counsel. However, that job lands her under an embezzlement investigation. Further, her mother is heading a campaign against a phone company; her grandparents have discovered Viagra; her dog keeps running away; and to top it off, her best friend Beth is hiding a secret: that she is dating Courtney's little brother. This book starts off slow and meanders through plot points, but the focus sharpens a bit by the end. It is told with a dry humor that is uniquely Clark's. The adventure continues in Clark's next book, Rocky Road Trip. Reviewer: Julia Wang

Product Details

HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
Product dimensions:
4.10(w) x 6.70(h) x 0.80(d)
Age Range:
13 Years

Read an Excerpt

Banana Splitsville

Chapter One


How hurt do you have to be to sue for emotional distress?

Do you have to be completely devastated? Or can you just be extremely mad?

What about "really, really pissed off "? Does that hold up in court? I need to call Judge Judy. I need to be on Judge Judy. She'd rule in my favor. She would. After I made a devastating case against him. Which I think would be easy, even though I haven't exactly gotten into law school yet.

Is it bad form to drink a diet Squirt at 9 in the morning?

Well, I don't know, and I don't care. I don't even know why I'm writing this down—I don't keep a diary. But I have to jot this down—for history's sake. The History of Jerks.

Nothing I do could be in as bad form as what Dave did last night. I haven't even slept. Well, except from 4-8.

I can't believe I'm about to write this down. Dave actually broke up with me.

Broke up with me!

Sorry if I'm writing in really bad form, what Mr. Arnold calls "choppy" in my essays. But I feel a bit chopped up.

What was even worse than the fact he dumped me was how he did it. So tacky. Over the BBQ, while I watched my veggie burger burn, tempeh breaking down into flames like my life. I invite him over for a cookout, so we can plan how we're going to move all his stuff to Boulder next weekend. And he has a soda and some chips and then proceeds to tell me he's going to move on with his life now, thank you very much. Like I'll ever be able to eat again. He comes to my house and does this. Doesn't he know anything about how to break upwith someone?

Oscar was running around the yard, yelping, like he does before a big thunderstorm and during fireworks every July 4th. Animals can sense these kinds of things coming—why didn't I?

What follows is actually what he said. I'm not making this up. I wish I were.

"We'd probably break up in October anyway, so we might as well do it now, start the year free and clear."

Free and clear—that's like a deodorant, right? No, wait—that's a cell phone plan. Are you listening to the words coming out of your mouth, I wanted to say. Do you realize you are rhyming really offensive words, like "year" and "clear"?

"Yeah, and we'll probably die one day, so we might as well kill ourselves now," I said, following his brilliant logic.

"Courtney. Don't be like that," he said.

"Me? You're going to tell me how to be now?" That was when I got a little hysterical. Like he had the right to stand there and calmly eat barbecue-flavor potato chips and tell me my personality needed work. He's about as sensitive as a day-old hamburger bun. Which I wish I had served him. Maybe with nails inside the bun. He had orange-red powder on his lips from the chips and a speck or two on his soul patch. I was going to make fun of him, but I started thinking really depressing things like how I'd never kiss him again.

Then he thought he was getting through to me, because I was crying. So he went into his "this is really for your benefit" speech. "It'll be so different, with me away at college, I don't want to burden you or hold you back—"

"You're the one who doesn't want to be held back!" I said. "You don't want a high-school girlfriend. You want to go to frat parties and pick up girls—"

"I do not!" he said. "That's not why I'm doing this at all."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" I said.

Ha. He didn't have a comeback for that.

But unfortunately I got caught up in staring at him while I waited for his comeback and I realized he was wearing that T-shirt I bought him when we went on that trip to Phoenix and Taos last spring and it's all faded now and looks really good on him because the washed-out blue kind of matches his eyes. And I got so furious at him for being able to look good while being such a jerk that I told him to leave.

"I'll call you," he said.

"Don't," I said, indignantly, like you're supposed to. Then he drove off, just like that, and I started bawling like a two-year-old. Okay, like Bryan when he was two years old.

People warned me about this. Said it might happen. Alison (supportive big sister as always) said we should break up, because "that kind of relationship never works."

"What kind?" I said.

"Long-distance," she said.

"He'll be in the next town," I said. "It's a half hour drive. When the traffic's bad." From Denver to Boulder is nothing, people do it every day as a commute. They have buses on the half hour. Crowded ones. And we even live slightly on the west side of the city, which is that much closer. He could get here by bike, even.

"Same thing. You're not in school together anymore. It wouldn't work."

Well, sure, it definitely wouldn't work now. After all the stupid things he said, about how we needed to grow and how we might find out we wanted to get back together, but we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

I'm not crossing that bridge. I'm not even looking for it on a map. As far as I'm concerned, I was on that bridge, and he cut the rope on the other side, and now I'm hanging over a raging river, and people are going by in their kayaks and laughing at me. You know, those people who are really good at kayaking and never take off their sandals, not even in the winter. I hate those people. I think kayaks should be banned, except that extremely buff guys seem to paddle them bare-chested a lot.

Banana Splitsville. Copyright � by Catherine Clark. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Meet the Author

Catherine Clark is the author of Maine Squeeze, Love and Other Things I'm Bad At, Picture Perfect, Wish You Were Here, The Alison Rules, Unforgettable Summer, and many others. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

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Banana Splitsville 3.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 16 reviews.
thor More than 1 year ago
isnt this the exact same book as truth or dairy but with a different cover?
Guest More than 1 year ago
it was good and everything well sorta just she was too obsessed with her ex-boyfriend and I really don't get how she fell in love with Grant when she hardly talked to him. But it was okay...I guess
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Catherine Clark is a wonderful author but this was a very disappointing book. The plot was so chaotic at first since the story is told through diary entries. It is very annoying at first but you eventually get used to it. While the plot started out a little chaotic it progressed excruciatingly slow! Nothing much happened in the book and everything is so predictable anyways so you aren't really ever in suspense. More like aggravated state of stagnation. All in all the book leaves a lot to be desired. If you are bored out of your mind, read it, it'll keep you entertained. If not, try a different Catherine Clark book. As for Rocky Road Trip...don't bother. The best part of the sequel are the amazing new characters, and controversial reappearance of old ones.
GirlwiththeBraids More than 1 year ago
Courtney's boyfriend dumped her. Is it really his fault that he wants to be "free and clear"? Courtney is convinced it is. She decides to make a commitment: no more dating ... at least for this year. She would just have to dump her boyfriend in the end, anyway, right? She has to admit, she does want to be "free and clear" herself when college comes around. When she falls in love with the ex's best friend, discovers that her own BFF is dating her little brother, and she is juggling a job at a smoothie store with her quirky boss watching her every move, Courtney is still determined to have the best senior year ever. But how can she, with a hard-to-follow commitment on her shoulders? Banana Splitsville is unique. It was an unoriginal idea twisted to form a creative plot and characters. I loved to read how Courtney picked out each thing about each boy, occasion, or idea that she liked and stuck with it. At times, I was thinking to myself, Not him! She doesn't deserve him! It was true, I don't like the main character, Courtney, but this book broke a rule. As I say, "It can't be a good book without a likable main character." On the other hand, other minor characters made up for that factor and I was impressed with the book altogether. Though there were some parts that bothered me, I still recommend this book with 4 stars. Contains: *brief, unnecessary, comments of homosexuality *sexual references that also didn't need to be included
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
PriscyPK More than 1 year ago
I give it 3 stars. I'm not big on diaries. I don't mean to offend but it's just not my cut of tea. I did enjoy it a bit. It wasn't bad or anything I just am not used to reading day based stories. Sorry. I will admit that I am going to read the second because of course I have to know what happens. Please don't let me get in the way of you reading a book you might love. Ask around. Read a couple more reviews. I don't want to be to blame. Also, I have no idea what kind of books you like. Thanks for listening.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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TeensReadToo More than 1 year ago
Told in diary entries, BANANA SPLITSVILLE recounts the story of Courtney's senior year.

It isn't off to a great start -- her boyfriend, Dave, is going off to college and he just dumped her. Angry and jaded, Courtney makes a vow to be boyfriendless for the year. She instead focuses on other things, like running for Class Vice President and working at the Truth or Dairy. All while pining for Dave.

It's obvious that one of Dave's friends, Grant, is interested in more than just being pals with Courtney. Too bad she has that whole vow thing going on, because Grant is really cute!

In this romantic comedy by Catherine Clark, Courtney's character seemed a little vain to me and I had a hard time feeling empathetic toward her or her situation. Her flaws, however, became her one redeeming quality. And by the end of the novel she had started to grow on me.

While BANANA SPLITSVILLE had its humorous moments, I thought they were far and few between compared to PICTURE PERFECT. Overall, though, this was a fun, fast, and entertaining read. I would have liked to know more about Courtney's friends Beth and Jane; hopefully I will in the third book, ROCKY ROAD TRIP!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought that this book would be good because I have read many of Catherine Clarks other books and loved them. When I started to read Banana Splitsville I realized it was nothing like the others. The main character was really annoying and never stopped complaining. Throughout the book she is depressed that her boyfriend broke up with her and doesn't stop trying to get him back. There was a kinda happy ending but the romance behind it was really undeveloped and was really boring. I expected a lot more out of this book and I wouldn't recommend anyone to read it.