Read an Excerpt
Be Sure to Pick Up the Pearls
Reflections on Life
By David Harris Balboa Press
Copyright © 2014 David Harris
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-9023-3
CHAPTER 1
Be Sure to Pick Up the Pearls
Have you ever wondered if we are guided in our lives by a force that helps direct our journey? Sometimes in my own life I've been struck by circumstances and phenomena that seem to speak to me with hidden messages, reminders that there is a deeper connection between the universe and myself.
These messages might appear large or small. Perhaps I'll think of someone I hadn't spoken to in years, and within an hour he or she will call. Or suddenly circumstances in my life unexpectedly change, creating the perfect opportunity to answer my urgent prayer. At other times a simple smile from a stranger or a sudden revelation about one's life can feel like part of a conspiracy to wake me up to a web of seemingly invisible connectivity. I can't help but sense at times that the universe itself seems to be having a conversation with us, asking us to take more notice and enticing us to pay attention to the everyday wonders.
It's easy to miss these miracles, to believe them to be meaningless fabrications of our own imagination. Picture yourself walking down a beach, watching the waves and the birds flying by but failing to notice the many beautiful and valuable pearls lying in the sand by your feet. These seemingly meaningless coincidences, answers to our prayers, and daily miracles are those pearls that we step over without noticing, without stopping to pick them up.
Earlier in my life it was rare that I would bend down to pick up one of these pearls, and even then I usually would discard it as a coincidence. I found that these pearls were scarce and hardly ever presented themselves to me.
And then, for no reason that I could think of, I noticed that I was finding more and more pearls. What was the change? How was it that the more pearls I found and picked up, the more pearls presented themselves to me to be found? The difference was that I began to see the deeper meaning and significance of each of these pearls. I began to literally polish them and put them on the shelf instead of discarding them. I could no longer ignore them as I came to see the significance of them in my life.
I believe that these pearls are placed in our paths when we need them most, as if sent as lessons from a higher power meant to aid us and guide us on our paths.
Watch for these pearls. They are there. They were there for me. Experiencing just one of them could be a life-changing event.
CHAPTER 2
Where Did the Child Go?
We don't stop playing because we grow old, We grow old because we stop playing
(George Bernard Shaw, Biography)
And what are things that children do that make them children? Most importantly they play. They can act childish and goofy, they do not wear costumes of who they are not, they can ooh and ah at the zoo, they will feed the ducks at the park, and much more.
What are some of the things that grown-ups do? Sadly, they often feel that they must act grown-up. They often wear costumes of who they feel they are supposed to be. They are often not in the present, but may be engrossed in past regrets or future worries.
Play is vital to all adults. And play is whatever play is to you. It can be hollering at a football game or feeding the ducks. The key is to be totally in the present moment in some joyful fashion. Yes, we grown-ups do have to worry about paying rent, buying food and car insurance, and much more. But if this need consumes us and we do not make time to play in some fashion, the stress imposed on us by our culture can be costly in terms of health and longevity.
With the pressures of everyday life, I believe that it is most important to make space in our lives for the child that once was. It is about choosing to take off that grown-up costume and be the child who plays once again.
CHAPTER 3
Ego, the Big Cover
Are You Wearing a Costume?
Ego, as defined by Webster's Collegiate Dictionary Ninth Version, is the following: the self as contrasted with another self or the world. In our everyday lives, we might see it as individuals more involved with themselves than others. And we all have aspects of this in our personalities or we could not be who we are.
Who we believe ourselves to be, and the value that we attribute to me, has a huge impact on the way we relate to everything and everyone else. A positive sense of oneself or high self-esteem allows us to interact with others in this world without the need to wear a costume or project some concocted image of who we want others to believe we are.
When negative self-images lead to a feeling of separation and fear, we are more and more likely to live in our costumes, pretending to be who we are not. There are many ways that this process becomes apparent. At one end of the spectrum is being a pleaser, where one may neglect his or her own needs in order to gain acceptance.
At the other end of the spectrum is the kind of person who needs to swagger around with what appears to be an overly inflated ego, appearing to have an out-of-proportion sense of self-importance. We have all encountered people like this in our lives.
This person who seems to have a need to show power can often make us feel less than in his or her need to control. This personality may appear confident and strong, but if we look beneath the surface we might notice that this person does not actually like him or herself as much as it appears. This costume may be just a cover to hide a deeper sense of fear and uncertainty. Studies in present-day psychology confirm the fact that low self-esteem is a major factor in an out-of-proportion sense of self-importance. This is the big cover-up.
If you were to call this person on such egocentric behavior, his or her normal defense would be to deny. More often than not, this individual would not even be aware of the possibility that his or her behavior is part of an elaborately created costume.
What might one do in the face of someone with what may be an overly inflated ego? First of all, in the face of any put downs or barbs, it's crucial to remember who you really are. One must wear the armor of self-love so that verbal attacks cannot get through. And secondly, remember the little boy or little girl who may be inside that egotistical costume. If at all possible, treat that person with love and respect, no matter how difficult that can be.
And how do we recognize our own costume, if in indeed we are wearing one? It is much more difficult to see this in ourselves. This subtle psychological veneer is a product of all of the factors in our lives that have made us who we are today. The major challenge in the process of true self-healing is in how to uncover one's own cover.
Are we truly who we believe we are? If our life is working, if we enjoy deep and trusting relationships, and if we are happy much of the time, then it is likely that we are living from our authentic self. However, when our life does not work, when we find ourselves in constant conflict with others and lack the experience of love and joy in our day-to-day existence, then it may be time to really look within.
This kind of self-inquiry can be challenging. The easiest thing is to blame others for our condition. But that Band-Aid will not work in the long run. It takes a true hero to look within one's own being, past what might be a falsely created costume, to find one's true self.
The ultimate reward of this search is to find the real you and the peace that follows its discovery. This simple authenticity in turn becomes the foundation for true and meaningful relationships.
Then truly, no costume is required.
CHAPTER 4
Don't Ask How
Some of us may have heard a story that goes like this: A man arrived in heaven after having drowned when his small boat sank in very bad weather. He asked God, "Why did you not answer my prayers when I was in trouble?" To which God answered, "Do you remember when a man warned you not to go to sea because of bad weather, and you said, 'God will take care of me'? Or when some men on a boat tried to rescue you, and you said, 'God will take care of me'? And when a helicopter tried to rescue you, you said, 'God will take care of me.'" God then continued, "What more could I have done?"
I had a similar experience. My brother and I were sailplane pilots, and we had gone to a sailplane event in Minden, Nevada. One evening we had parked our car and when we returned two hours later, the engine would not start due to a dead battery. We made several unsuccessful phone calls to the local auto club to get help. We felt quite helpless in a strange town. I have been a practicing energy healer for many years, so I decided to use my skills in restarting the engine from a dead battery. I placed my hands on the hood of the car and asked my brother to hit the starter, intending and expecting the engine to start. However, at the very instant that I asked my brother to hit the starter, a truck from the local auto club (which we had never been able to reach) pulled up, and the driver said something like, "Are you guys having trouble, and can I help?" And with his help, the car was started. A truly miraculous occurrence, I thought. But certainly not done in any way that I might have intended or even imagined. I feel that it was not unlike the story of the man who drowned when his boat sank and he asked God for help.
Bottom line, when a miracle occurs, don't ask how—just accept it.
CHAPTER 5
Live Your Life with Passion
You might ask, "Why should I live my life with passion?" What is there to be passionate about? Most importantly it could add a dimension of aliveness and richness to your life that you might never have been able to imagine.
The word passion has many synonyms, some of which are excitement, enthusiasm, joy, fervor, or zeal. The opposite of passion would be boredom, tiresome, dullness, or monotony. Which words fit your life?
The first step is to make a decision to do whatever is necessary to bring more of this lovely quality into your life. It is about changing your attitude in a positive and joyful way in as many areas of your life as is possible. Being passionate can become a habit. And for sure there are areas of everyone's life that are far beyond this Pollyanna approach.
Look at your work, your hobbies, your partner, the clouds in the sky, your children, your friends, the beauty of nature, and so on. Notice any areas that seem to ignite you, and then focus on them and savor them. Rekindle these thoughts whenever a funk strikes.
If you cannot find such a place, then create it. It could involve joining an organization, finding a hobby, or any one of a multitude of other possibilities that might turn you on in a passionate fashion.
I have asked myself, when am I most happy? After much consideration I realized that it was when I was doing something about which I was most passionate, whether it is something as simple as holding my wife's hand or building a wooden boat. It may be a challenge, but the rewards are well worth it.
CHAPTER 6
Be Careful, It's Contagious
Have you ever been in a funk, and someone walks by and throws you a cheerful "Hi" with a smile, and your mood changes in the blink of an eye? Or have you ever been in a down mood, and then you walk into the presence of a bunch of up people and you can seem to catch their up mood?
Another example would be when the head of your place of business is an up person—that vibe seems to affect everyone in the organization. Unfortunately, when that person is negative, the aura of the whole organization can also move in that negative direction.
What I am presenting here is that I believe that conditions such as happiness, compassion, kindness, optimism, contentment, and innumerable other human traits are transmissible or contagious, almost like the common cold.
I am suggesting is that there is a real form of energy that connects all things, including emotions. It is real, and it manifests itself in innumerable ways in our everyday lives. Such things as the vibe between people, cultures, animals, and even plants may be just one of the many manifestations of this phenomenon.
The name assigned by some branches of science to this phenomenon is Subtle Energy. I am speaking about another dimension, which just now is being investigated by Western science, even though it may have existed forever. It is so obvious that no one seems to notice it. It is like no one noticed gravity until Newton discovered it.
An example of how this vibe of happiness might spread through a culture would be Denmark, which is known to be the happiest of all countries. What I am suggesting is that this subtle energy phenomenon may be the means by which happiness may have spread through this country like a benign infection.
Assuming that my suppositions are true, how can we in our own lives benefit from these hypotheses? For one thing, just be aware of this subtle energy and watch how it operates. Hang only with positive people. Be cautious of people that are chronically negative, because this also can infect you. Notice how your level of happiness and contentment can vary depending upon whom you hang with. Be selective of your friends and associates.
And perhaps even more important is to be aware of how your energy affects others. Sometimes it might feel like you are swimming against the current when you are in positive mode, but those around you are not. Your feelings and attitudes can affect all those around you, so be acutely aware of what type of energy you give off. And as life happens, we can only do the best that we can, depending where we are in our own lives.
In summary, if your life is working well for you, it may be because you are hanging with positive thinking people. If not, reconsider your associations.
CHAPTER 7
DNR
Do Not React
How often have we exploded in anger, destroyed or altered a relationship, or perhaps even lost a job? We might have been in the right and our anger justified, but still our reaction may have been destructive to our well-being.
This human condition has one biologically based behavior, and that is to react with full force whether we are threatened by a saber tooth tiger, an angry boss, or perhaps just an irritated mate. It is commonly called the fight-or-flight response. In our primitive biological evolution, to take time to think when threatened may have been fatal.
Knowing this, how can we act (not react) responsibly when threatened by either the mythical saber tooth tiger or more frequently by the numerous of potential conflicts that eventually will occur in our lives? There is an old adage that says, "Count to ten before reacting," and this often works to override our instinctual fight-or-flight reaction. Very often, however, this primitive instinct may take over, and our reaction may result in a personal disaster.
I do have a device that I have used in my own life and have at times suggested to clients. That is simply writing on my left wrist with the bold letters DNR, a visual reminder of Do Not React. An alternative, which I have found to be even more effective, is placing a thick rubber band on my wrist as a reminder. When approaching what I think might be a stressful encounter and I feel the emotional temperature rising, I glance at the DNR reminder on my wrist or snap the rubber band and often an emotional meltdown can be avoided.
And even as effective as these tools can be, they do require foresight just to look at the reminder or to snap the rubber band. Try them. They really work.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Be Sure to Pick Up the Pearls by David Harris. Copyright © 2014 David Harris. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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