"Heartfelt suggestions for practicing active allyship." —Kirkus Reviews
“Throughout the book, Giovale faces the dark truths about her European ancestors and pushes through to see an opportunity to create a new way of being and thinking. She explores and acknowledges the atrocities committed by her European ancestors toward Indigenous peoples, the impacts on her own identity as a white person, and the systemic perpetuation of this violence. In doing so, she creates a blueprint for European-descended people living in America to examine their own role in white supremacy—and to heal.”—Edgar Villanueva, Yes! Magazine
“ Reading Hilary’s book is a refreshing deep dive into this challenging and wondrous path of healing and repair for white-identified folks. Becoming a Good Relative is an ethnoautobiographical account of a life that has been transformed by immersion in the Indigenous world view. What is beautiful about Hilary’s book is her transparency in writing about the challenges of being on this path — the embodied aspects of the emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical, and cognitive aspects of unlearning whiteness.”—Leny Mendoza Strobel, Founder and Elder at the Center for Babaylan Studies.
“This beautifully written book shares Hilary Giovale’s personal journey to wholeness starting from examining her earliest encounters with Indigenous teachers through ceremony to embracing her own ancestral practices. Rather than being self-centered as memoirs often come across, Hilary humbly shares the lessons learned from many experiences and teachers over decades to learn how to be a good relative. . . . The author’s lyrical prose transports the reader to places and events in a compelling way.” —Alexis Bunten, PhD
The 2024 Mind and Spirit Awards Long List for Enlightening Non-Fiction
"Hilary Giovale’s Becoming a Good Relative holds many lessons for individuals, communities, and systems alike: When we confront our own reality and the truth of our ancestors, no matter how uncomfortable, we create space for growth and progress that might otherwise be impossible. In Good Relative, Giovale, a descendant of white colonialists, invites European-descended individuals on an unlearning and learning adventure. She begins with an invitation to unlearn the status quo created by the harm inflicted upon Indigenous peoples by colonial systems, and then learn to heal the wounds of colonialism through relationality, respect, and personal reparations.”—Yes! Magazine
“With a voice of intuitive compassion, Becoming a Good Relative will open your heart’s eyes. This book offers a physical and spiritual prescription for the awakening paradigm shift that is calling all of us into Divine Alignment. Hilary has come to understand the disruption of the sacred natural order of the Universe and its remedy: the principle that everything is related and connected.”—Basil Brave Heart, Oglala Lakota Elder, Korean War Combat Veteran, Boarding School Survivor, and author, The Spiritual Journey of a Brave Heart
"Hilary Giovale unpacks the legacies of historical harm that continue to afflict American society and shows us a way forward toward healing. Her lens is informed by indigenous concepts that encourage harmony between one another and the planet we call home. This book is for people who want to be better and do better for the sake of generations to come.” —Sharon Leslie Morgan, Founder, Our Black Ancestry and co-author, Gather at the Table: The Healing Journey of a Daughter of Slavery and a Son of the Slave Trade
"Hilary Giovale models courageous exploration of truth-telling, healing, and repair. She boldly amplifies voices and wisdom from sources that are often marginalized. Her humility and courage are refreshing and inspirational. Becoming a Good Relative is a must-read for anyone grappling with their own relationship with cultural identity, race, and colonization."—Kevin Eppler, co-founder, White Men for Racial Justice
"In her groundbreaking book, Hilary encourages us to re-member who we have come from and honor today’s Elders, who are breathing new life into our ancestors’ treasured languages, songs, and stories."—Síne McKenna, Scots Gaelic Songs and Stories Teacher (ancestralfire.ca)
"Hilary Giovale initiates white, European-descended people into the work of stepping into their collective power to dream and to build a different way of living. She provides knowledge and actions white settlers can use to reclaim their full humanity."—Dr. Anita Sanchez, Nahua (Aztec & Toltec), international award-winning author of The Four Sacred Gifts: Indigenous Wisdom for Modern Times
"To write this book Hilary literally climbed, fasted, and prayed in sacred places. All the while she was open to mentors, some of whom serendipitously showed up to help guide her. She is bold, courageous, and most timely in sharing this work of reconciliation."—Steven A. Darden, Diné Traditional Practitioner
"Becoming a Good Relative offers an invitation for collective liberation. Hilary has beautifully and carefully crafted an offering - a model of how we can create a just economy."—Dr. Aisha Nyandoro, CEO, Springboard to Opportunities
"With a fearless spirit and authentic boldness, Giovale embarks on an introspective journey, unraveling the intricate layers of her ancestral past to forge a path illuminated by truth—a path aimed at propelling all those who surround her towards an infinite future guided by love, intention, and responsible action."—Beatrice A. Woody, Global Philanthropic Strategist
"Hilary’s journey is supported by deep community, ancestral figures, and liminal experiences. This is the meaningful and transformational work the world needs, rooted in action while engaging the head, heart, and hand."—Jude Lally, Scottish Cultural Activist and Artist (pathoftheancestralmothers.com)
"This is a profoundly brave book. In sharing her journey, in all its pain, revelation, and imperfectness, Hilary has woven both a reckoning and a calling-home. May her offering embolden many more of us with white settler lineages to do the work of becoming good relatives–work that is essential for a shared future of well-being and liberation.”
—Joanna Levitt Cea, co-author, Beloved Economies: Transforming How We Work
"In Becoming a Good Relative, with an unflinching gaze Giovale offers her own story as a pathway for settlers to reach into their own stories for the tools they need to become whole. Being a good relative begins with knowing yourself. This book is a beautiful invitation to accept and transform personal and collective settler histories and live alongside Indigenous peoples.”—Patty Krawec,Ojibwe Anishinaabe/Ukrainian. author of Becoming Kin: An Indigenous Call to Unforgetting the Past and Reimagining Our Future
"Becoming a Good Relative is an invitation to walk out the door, take a long, slow breath, humbly listen to the people and lands outside, and let our hearts break open with their stories of what we and our ancestors have done. Hilary’s story is an invitation to join her. She’s holding the door open for all of us."—Morgan Curtis, Ancestors and Money Coach and author of Decolonial Dames of America
"Told with utter honesty, humility and profound respect for all of her sources, Becoming a Good Relative not only draws readers in magnetically, it should be required reading for anyone embarking on a journey toward healing and right relationship. This book humanizes Turtle Island’s and Giovale’s own brutal historical legacies, resulting in a journey that’s been blessed by many relatives and alchemized by love."—Nina Simons
2024-09-09
A guide for Euro-Americans to examine their ancestry and advocate for social justice.
Giovale, a writer, blogger, and community organizer, presents her guide to “becoming a good relative” within the human family to Indigenous, Black, and People of Color/Culture and, in particular, to the Indigenous peoples of North America, which she refers to by the Indigenous name of Turtle Island. With her book, Giovale, who is white, intends to help white “settler Americans” to come to terms with ancestral crimes against BIPOC. She outlines her own journey of discovery that included multiple fasting ceremonies and ally participation in the Standing Rock protests. She looks back to pre-Christian pagan European ancestors (in Giovale’s case, the Picts and Gaels of the British Isles) and notes they lived similarly to North and South American Indigenous cultures (Diné, Lakota, Achuar), with whom she has had ongoing contact. Much of what Giovale writes, especially regarding European settler heritage, reflects her rethinking of long-held white supremacist views and traditionally taught North American history, most notably the idea of Manifest Destiny. Her work emphasizes compassion; she recommends white readers who are “doing the work” of being engaged allies forgive themselves for their ancestral background. She helpfully lists concrete strategies for repair that go beyond land acknowledgments, such as financially contributing to BIPOC–led organizations and creative efforts. In promoting lessons from pre-Christian European ancestors, the author seems to ignore that these cultures were often at war. Still, this book has value in that it outlays various ways to acknowledge and, in some small ways, address the effects of colonialism. The author includes an afterword by Lyla June Johnston, Giovale’s Indigenous mentor, questions for reflection and plans of action, historical background notes, and a glossary.
Heartfelt suggestions for practicing active allyship.
