Before Saying ''I Do'': The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage


Have you found the One"? The decision to get engaged is one of the most exciting and important decisions you will ever make. Before Saying "I Do": The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage offers the insights and techniques necessary for a successful engagement and marriage. Psychotherapist Michael Batshaw gives you the tools to decide whether your partner is the right one for you, and if so, how to keep it that way. Some of his advice:


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Before Saying

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Have you found the One"? The decision to get engaged is one of the most exciting and important decisions you will ever make. Before Saying "I Do": The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage offers the insights and techniques necessary for a successful engagement and marriage. Psychotherapist Michael Batshaw gives you the tools to decide whether your partner is the right one for you, and if so, how to keep it that way. Some of his advice:

Beware the person of your dreams.

Couples who do everything together do not have a relationship that can survive.

Couples who do not argue are in trouble.

Hollywood gets it wrong.

The truth of the moment is not the whole truth."

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
“A must-read for any couple interested in a long-term relationship. Straightforward and easy to read, [Before Saying “I Do”] presents information on the big issues like money, sex, and kids as well as ‘smaller’ issues like patience and respect. No one should walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’ without reading this book.” Barbara Bartlein, psychotherapist and author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Overcoming the Myths That Hinder a Happy Marriage and Marriage Makeover “Very good tips!” —The 10! Show
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781596528154
  • Publisher: Turner Publishing Company
  • Publication date: 4/15/2011
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 1,361,417
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Michael Batshaw is a New York City-based psychotherapist, author and nationally recognized relationship expert. His expertise on a variety of relationship issues has been featured in Redbook Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Encore Magazine,,,, and, among others. Mr. Batshaw graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with honors in Philosophy, completed his Masters of Science in Social Work at Columbia University, and did his post-graduate training at the Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy. He is on the faculty of the New York Open Center (, offering seminar courses on overcoming the obstacles to true intimacy, and he has served as the clinical director of HAN, an agency of New York City psychotherapists treating individuals suffering from chronic, physical illness. He has also trained and worked as a staff psychotherapist in both an alcohol/drug treatment program and a grief psychotherapy center in New York City. In addition, Mr. Batshaw is a professional opera singer and trained with teachers from The Julliard School, the Curtis Institute of Music, and the Academy of Vocal Arts, making his Carnegie Hall debut in 2003 as the tenor soloist in the Berlioz Requiem. He is also on the faculty of the New Triad for Collaborative Arts Foundation ( where he teaches on the Psychology of Collaborative Partnerships for classical musicians.

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Table of Contents

Introduction 1

1 One hardly ever hears, "I wish I had gotten engaged earlier" 9

2 Hollywood gets it wrong 13

3 Beware of the person of your dreams 17

4 If you put your partner on a pedestal, take him off 21

5 If you find yourself on a pedestal, get off 25

6 Great sex will not save a mediocre relationship 29

7 Mediocre sex can become great sex with patience and determination 33

8 You have to know your own flaws, imperfections, and weaknesses. Admit them to yourself and your partner 37

9 What is your partner's true character? These qualities are not likely to change much in the future 41

10 Get to know your partner's relationship history and patterns 45

11 Look carefully at how your partner takes care of himself 49

12 Daily living habits may be more important than you realize 53

13 You must respect what your partner does for a living 57

14 If you think that she will change her mind in time, be careful 63

15 Don't wait forever for progress in the relationship on issues that are important to you 67

16 If you have sexual issues that are not going away, a little help can make all the difference 71

17 Patience is a virtue. No, really, it is 75

18 How do you feel about family and children? 79

19 Be open to discussing your family's problems-you've probably inherited some of them anyway 83

20 You're going to have to deal with your future in-laws whether you love them or not 87

21 Religion is not unimportant 91

22 Marriage is also a business. Money is a real issue 95

23 We are not created equal. Be aware of your differences 99

24 Get off your high horse 103

25 If you really knew me, you would never hurt me 107

26 Talk about the little issues or they will grow into big issues 111

27 Don't express every random thought that you have in your head about your partner 115

28 Couples who don't argue are in trouble 119

29 The more you yell, the less you will be heard 125

30 Don't compare your partner to someone you both dislike 131

31 The best couples argue forcefully but with empathy and respect 135

32 Never say "you never" or "you always" 139

33 Real people will fall short of your expectations over and over again 143

34 Apologies are golden, but make them real 147

35 Apologies are incomplete without a change in behavior 151

36 Everyone doubts at one time or another whether his partner is "the one" 155

37 Everyone goes through dark times in a relationship 159

38 It's normal to feel attracted to someone who's not your partner 163

39 Attracted to another person? Don't put yourself in harm's way 167

40 The truth of the moment is not the whole truth 171

41 Marriage doesn't have magical powers to make problems go away 177

42 Don't think that having children is going to make it better 183

43 Your relationship should not be your only passion in life 187

44 Cultivate your friendships 191

45 Couples who share activities are closer 197

46 Couples who do everything together cannot survive 201

47 Be careful not to control or to be controlled in your Relationship 205

48 Practice, practice, practice 209

49 Connect to your partner in a physical (but nonsexual) way every day 213

50 Express frequent gratitude about what you like and love about your partner 217

51 The Golden Rule 221

Relationship 101 Quiz 225

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