Being a Great Divorced Father: Real-Life Advice From a Dad Who's Been There

Overview

Maintain a great relationship with your kids during and after divorce.

More than half of all marriages end in divorce, many with kids caught in the middle. If you're a father going through divorce and you want to keep a close relationship with your children, you need practical guidance and advice on building a new life, keeping your kids' needs front and center.

Being a Great Divorced Father gives you the strategies and building blocks for ...

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Overview

Maintain a great relationship with your kids during and after divorce.

More than half of all marriages end in divorce, many with kids caught in the middle. If you're a father going through divorce and you want to keep a close relationship with your children, you need practical guidance and advice on building a new life, keeping your kids' needs front and center.

Being a Great Divorced Father gives you the strategies and building blocks for maintaining a relationship with your children and shows you how to prioritize their needs as your life changes. Learn how to:

- create a new home and make room for your kids in it
- manage babysitters, after-school care and other details of daily life
- create and enforce house rules governing homework, TV, game use, and recreation
- communicate effectively with your ex: being nice, sparing the kids, establishing boundaries, and finding ways to agree
- settle legal and custody issues
- handle dating and remarriage

Being a Great Divorced Father helps you create an extended family by cooperating and collaborating with your former spouse, and prioritizing your children's needs, all written by a dad who's been there. Plus, read insightful examples of families who have met the challenges of divorce transition with success.

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Editorial Reviews

Half Moon Bay Review
"The voice of experience is brought home even more with anecdotes culled from experiences with men's groups, from fathers speaking on many issues touched on in the book."
From the Publisher
“We’ve never seen a Nolo book we didn’t like.” Small Business Opportunities

“The nation’s largest publisher of self-help legal books and software.” The Wall Street Journal

"In his landmark book, Paul Mendelstein advises divorced fathers to find ways to play a crucial role in their children's lives. He suggests that they call a truce with their ex-spouse — to put an end to active fighting and to collaborate. While this is may be a challenge at times, collaboration with an ex paves the way for greater cooperation in the future. Children flourish best when raised by both a father and a mother — whether in a divorced or intact family."  Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, Huffingtonpost.com

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781413312645
  • Publisher: NOLO
  • Publication date: 9/7/2010
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 9.28 (w) x 11.28 (h) x 0.31 (d)

Meet the Author

Paul Mandelstein is founder and executive director of the Father Resource Network (www.father.com) which provides support and referral services designed to help men meet the challenges of fatherhood today and improve the strength of their families and communities. Paul is a pioneer in the field of personal communications and technology reference publishing; as president and publisher of The Book Publishing Company he directed a line of books in the family planning, comparative religion and community life categories. Along with other stints in publishing, he served six years as director of outreach publications for a nonprofit charitable relief organization working with the United Nations. Paul is a divorced father with three children.

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Table of Contents

I Your Divorced Dad's Companion: Lemons Into Lemonade 1

A Chance for Growth 2

Getting Started 3

It's All About the Kids 4

1 Making the Decision to Divorce 7

One Last Try 10

Honoring the Bonds of Our Children 14

Taking Care of Yourself 22

Who Moves Out? 23

Leave the Lawyer Stuff for Later if You Can 26

Money, Money, Money, Money 28

Hang In There 30

2 Setting Up Housekeeping 31

Making a Home 34

Location, Location, Location 36

Make Room for the Kids 39

What's Cookin'? 41

Excuse Me! Do I Look Like a Taxi? 43

Remember You're Human 44

Taking Stock 45

3 Two Parents, Two Homes: How to Make Shared Custody Work 47

Dealing With the Changes 49

Some Things Don't Change 52

Staying Connected 53

Different Voices, Different Homes 55

Establishing Your House Rules 57

Getting Flexible at Work 60

Show Up When You Say You Will 61

Presence, Not Presents 70

4 A Day in the Life 73

A Typical Day 75

On Less-Than-ldeal Days 76

Managing the Details 82

Baby Sitters and After-School Care 89

Right Speech and Staying Focused on the Future 92

5 Settling Up: Legal and Custody Issues 95

The High Cost of Conflict 98

The Basics of the Legal Divorce 100

Dividing the Pie: Spousal Support and Property Division 110

Legal Issues When a Spouse Is in the Military 120

How to Choose an Attorney 122

Making a Paper Trail 123

When You Have to Fight 124

Assume the Impossible Is Possible 129

Don't Underestimate Your Stress 130

Opportunities for Personal Growth 131

6 Being the Parent You Want to Be 133

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be 134

Keeping Your Kids Out of the Fray 141

Setting Limits 144

Watching for Signs of Stress in Your Kids 155

Our Teenagers, Ourselves 162

7 Keeping the Peace and Keeping Yourself Together 169

Keeping the Peace With Your Ex 170

Keeping Yourself Together 179

Recognizing and Managing Stress 181

Ten Not-So-Hard-and-Fast Rules for Managing Stress 184

Recognizing and Managing Depression 186

Choosing Your Problems 188

Letting Go of Your Problems 193

Don't Go It Alone 196

8 Friends and Lovers 199

The Dating Game: Ready or Not? 200

Back in the Game 203

Dating and Your Ex 206

Introducing Your New Love to the Kids 209

You're the Boss of You 216

When Your Ex Starts Dating 218

9 A Second Chance: Remarriage and Blending Families 221

Parenting in a Blended Family 224

Make Space for Mourning and Change Will Happen 232

New Family, New Rituals 233

Dealing With Your Ex About Your Marriage-And Hers 235

Do We Really Have to Talk About This? 238

Nurturing Your Relationship 241

Nurturing Your Extended Family 241

Index 243

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