Better Single Than Sorry [NOOK Book]


Let's be honest. No woman really wants to be alone for the rest of her life. But does being alone mean you're doomed to be miserable forever? Definitely not! And does being single have to equal lonely? No way! You can have the best time of your life when you're single, but you wouldn't know that from our relationship obsessed society, where celebrity magazines devote the majority of their content to who's dating whom and the wedding industry is a $100-billion business. Yet more than a third of marriages end in ...

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Better Single Than Sorry

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Let's be honest. No woman really wants to be alone for the rest of her life. But does being alone mean you're doomed to be miserable forever? Definitely not! And does being single have to equal lonely? No way! You can have the best time of your life when you're single, but you wouldn't know that from our relationship obsessed society, where celebrity magazines devote the majority of their content to who's dating whom and the wedding industry is a $100-billion business. Yet more than a third of marriages end in divorce, and countless other couples languish in unions that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Don't become a statistic—love yourself and never settle!

Jen Schefft knows that better than almost anyone. In 2003, she got engaged in front of millions of people on television's The Bachelor, only to see it end nine months later when the relationship just wasn't right anymore. A year later, she turned down an engagement on The Bachelorette, and the backlash was relentless. She was labeled a "spinster" by a celebrity magazine, and a noted national talk-show host remarked that she would be "a bachelorette for the rest of her life."

This is a terrible message to send to the millions of sensational single women out there, and in Better Single Than Sorry Schefft makes it her mission to let women know that it's better to be single than to be in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. With testimonials from women of all ages—single, married, in committed relationships, with children (even single moms) and without—this book tells you how to let go of your fear of being alone and how to love yourself and never settle for a relationship that is anything less than you deserve.

Written in a conversational style, as if talking with your best friend, Schefft helps you navigate the pressures of a culture that places an unhealthy importance on being in a relationship and shows you how to find happiness in work, home, and the simple pleasures of everyday life. Above all, she shows you how it's far, far better to be single than sorry. Being single is a time to have fun, learn new things, grow, and blossom—not a time to feel desperate or depressed, so cherish it!

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Similar in theme to Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause's The Bridal Wave(see p. 130), these two books affirm a reader's marriage-free status. Patrons may recognize Schefft as star of ABC's The Bachelorette 3and also as the woman who broke off an engagement to one of the country's most desired men on The Bachelor 3. Schefft delivers a pep talk to readers on standing up to pushy friends and relatives who feel that one can't be complete without a relationship. She encourages readers to be picky and offers some useful tactics for attending family gatherings and spending holidays alone.

Talbot covers the same territory but in an in-your-face manner. She humorously debunks the happily-ever-after myth, skewers media fads, and deconstructs online dating. In a particularly helpful chapter, she offers avoidance tactics for an assortment of boundary violations, such as a man revisiting childhood trauma on the first date or needlessly dwelling on his ex. While both books are fairly interesting, they are essentially opinion pieces and offer negligible help. Optional.

—Deborah Bigelow
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061874673
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 10/13/2009
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 606,241
  • File size: 495 KB

Meet the Author

Jen Schefft won 2003's The Bachelor and starred in 2004's The Bachelorette. Walking away from both after turning down two proposals, she now works in public relations and lives in Chicago, Illinois.

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Read an Excerpt

Better Single Than Sorry

A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling
By Jen Schefft

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2007 Jen Schefft
All right reserved.

Chapter One

Being Single Is Not a Curse

One night not too long ago, I came home from a night on the town with friends and had a major revelation. I was sitting on my couch watching TiVo'd Project Runway episodes, eating a bowl of Cheerios, wearing mismatched pajamas, and sporting a constellation of zit cream of my face. I didn't have to call anyone. I wasn't expecting a late-night visitor. I looked around and I thought, "I'm all alone . . . and I love it!"

Being single is not a curse. All of the time, I hear women saying, "I need a boyfriend." It's the desperate woman's mantra. When you utter these words, you might as well be saying, "I'm really pathetic and nothing really matters in this world unless I have a boyfriend--a man in my life to save me from my wretched existence." Because really, not having a man is a fate worse than death, right? At least if you're dead you don't have to deal with everyone around you pairing off.


My life is filled with plenty of things that keep me happy and busy--yes, even without a man. I have a great apartment, a fun job that pays me enough so I can stock my closet with way too many pairs of jeans (hey . . . they are necessary), wonderful friends, and family. For me, it's the only time in my life I won't have to be accountable to anyone. Idon't have to worry about checking in with someone (or worry about what that someone is doing when they're not with me). I'm not fighting with anyone over the remote--or anything else, for that matter--and I love that I don't have to watch action flicks when I'd rather be watching Pretty Woman for the millionth time. I also love that I don't have to keep up with shaving my legs or worry about what I look when I'm lounging around the house. If I gain a few pounds, I'm the only one who notices. Even better, if I spend too much money, I only have to justify it to myself. What do I really have to complain about? Nothing.

And I'm certainly not the only woman who feels this way.

Dawn, a 38-year-old self-employed designer, gushes about her solo life. "Being single has, in certain ways, enabled me to have a life--a very selfish life--I love. Of course I still have all of the desires that other women have--of wanting to be loved and in a relationship. But it's not like my life will begin once I meet a man. My life is already running exactly how I want it now, and I spend every day trying to make it more so. I have no issues with going to the movies alone or eating dinner by myself. I love having dinner parties. Being single forces you, in a sense, to build more of a network in the world. If you think about it in the right way and not as something tragic, you can become a much more interesting person."

Valerie, 32, is a divorced fashion executive who dates regularly, but tells me, "I am at my best when I'm single. It's when I'm in the wrong relationship--and there have been several--that I lose my edge and all that made me desirable in the first place." She is hopeful that she will find love again, but not to the point of desperation. "I just live every day," she says. "I can be alone and be happy. I don't dislike myself. If this is it for the rest of my life, it isn't so bad."

Seattle-based Annie, 28, is in awe of the advantages of being single. "It's like a free pass to get out of things!" she says. "You're not expected to show up for every dinner party, engagement party, or festivity because you're the 'wild single friend' who has so many dates and crazy stories. I never have to go to church, pick up the kids, make dinner, or chip in on gifts for people I don't know. I have married friends who now do these things--and more."

Literary agent Liz, 27, has been married for two years and looks back at her bachelorettehood not as a dark period, but as a valuable experience. "I enjoyed being single, and now that I'm married, I think that the longing for a steady relationship and the curing out of bad dates is really an important rite of passage," she says. "It's easy for people to lose track of the fact that their lives are a span. It's easy to feel like the kid in the backseat of a car during a long road trip and think that this is the longest trip ever, when, of course, they've only been there for a couple hours. Don't miss out on the fun of being single by getting so obsessed about reaching another state."

Party of One

Now, I'm not going to lie and say it wouldn't be nice to have a boyfriend. I want to fall in love, get married--the whole fairy tale. And every once in a while, I panic, whine, and annoyingly ask my friends, "What if I never meet anyone? I know you say I will, but what if I don't?" (Hey, even the best of us have our moments.) But after I calm myself down, I remind myself that I do not need a man in my life to be happy. I've figured out how to take care of that on my own.

What's the secret? Being optimistic and reveling in your freedom. There's no reason to feel pathetic if you have a fulfilling life. A friend once told me that a man should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. I refuse to sacrifice all of the benefits of being single--that is, my happiness--for a guy who isn't worth it. I don't have a boyfriend for a good reason: Settling just isn't an option. I gain strength by knowing there are other women out there who agree with me.


Excerpted from Better Single Than Sorry by Jen Schefft Copyright © 2007 by Jen Schefft. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Sort by: Showing 1 – 13 of 12 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2008

    It's like talking to your girlfriends

    I decided to skim the book first before buying it and I'm glad I did it -- after about an hour, I had turned every page waiting for something truly unique but there was none. Jen has compiled all the independent woman messages without adding anything to it. She also writes it in a way that is neither convincing nor inspiring. Furthermore, she constantly refers to her decision of leaving Andrew and whoever else there was because she was not happy, but she doesn't point any specific way she was not happy so it just seems like she is a spoiled woman looking for the perfect guy. What I personally liked the most about this book, was this excerpt 'when you know it you know it'. Overall, this book is definitely not literature -- it's like listening to your spoiled gorgeous friend who gets all the guys talk you out of a breakup. Uninspiring. For me, 'He's Just Not That Into You' is way better --funny, simple, and unique.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 29, 2007

    A must read

    This is book has helped my friend and after I read it I thought it was brilliant. Hopefully it will help other girls not feel like they should settle and should in fact focus on their family, friends and more importantly there career. If anyone thinks focusing on getting 'the one' should come before a career and your own personal life! Then they have a problem and should seek help..most men focus on their career!! why shouldnt women?

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 12, 2008


    When I first saw this book on the shelfs I feel in love with it. Thinking this book would solve my problems with men, it did in some aspect but toward the end it started to get boring. Where I really didn't want to finish it but I made it thru the end. But all in all it's a good book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 28, 2008

    Awesome book, very honest and upfront

    This book was an awesome read! It explain why loving and knowing yourself will help you find the man of your dreams! I'd read it again!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 13, 2007

    Jen is no Princess Bubble

    I like Jen. I watched her show and thought she was precious. But as far as books for singles go I prefer Princess Bubble. Both books have similar messages-enjoy where you are in life. But, Princess Bubble is funny for adults with bridesmaid humor...and prepares the next generation of single girls so they will not have to buy 'single girl books' when they are shocked the prince did not show up. They will remember true happiness begins from within.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 11, 2007

    Just plain desperate!

    What this woman wants more than anything is to be married and her only requirement is that he must be perfect. Good Luck! While she is busy worrying about what kind of shoes he is wearing she is likely missing the most important part ¿ what¿s inside. You can¿t blame her though, her idea of ¿reality¿ is a dating TV show that she did twice and probably would do a third time if the network would let her. She pretends to paint a picture of loving her great life with all of her friends and family activities but it is easy to read through the lines at how desperate she is to get married.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 1, 2007

    A reviewer

    I was pretty down when I picked this book up 'divorced, in a depressing relationship' and after a couple of hours with it I felt like I could have some resolve and control in my life, and I felt good again. I related to this book, it opened my eyes, gave me the justification I need to have the life that I deserve, changed my attitude toward dating and marriage to a more healthy one. This book changed my outlook and improved my everything.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 26, 2007

    Yea, Jen Schefft!

    This is an empowering book about accepting your single life, and never settling for someone who is not right for you. I think that it is interesting, and is a much needed reminder for all of us who consider lowering our standards in order to avoid being alone. Jen does not claim that being single is always the best situation to be in, but that it certainly beats being in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you happy. In a world where everyone pressures single girls to just find someone--anyone--this book really felt like a breath of fresh air. So, thank you Jenn Schefft.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 14, 2007

    This book is ok if you are truly content and happy being single!

    If you really don't like being single than this book is not for you. It will make you feel worse after reading it.The motta of the book is: it's OK to be single, except it, love it, and still be happy in your life single, and enjoy all your freedom. But what if your not happy being single? What if you really do want to be with someone? What if all your friends have someone and you feel left out? All this 'sugarcoating' of being single is not going to make you feel better. She says focus on friends, hobbies, family or your career instead, but what if you aren't interested in a career, and your family & friends are busy with their own families? If you hate being single and truly want to find a man to spend your life with and hopefully have a family with, than this book is not going to help you feel good about your own situation. The book is about excepting and loving being single and don't settle for a less than a perfect guy. Keep holding out & perhaps one day he'll show up! All men have faults there are no 'perfect men' out there. This is not 'fantasy land'. If you take Jen Scheft's advice & hold out for that perfect man for you that comes on a white horse to sweep you off your feet someday, he may never come, and you may wait years & years to find that out! And still wind up single and alone in the end! A better title would be 'Don't End Up Single Or You Will Be Sorry'.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 25, 2009

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 25, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 26, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2011

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