Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm

Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm

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by Beth A. Grosshans, Janet H. Burton
     
 

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The covers of such magazines as Time and Newsweek have described parents as living in “mayhem” and “madness” with their children. TV’s Supernanny regularly captures kids wildly, unbelievably out of control. How did our families get to such a state? Child psychologist Dr. Beth Grosshans has the answer. And

Overview



The covers of such magazines as Time and Newsweek have described parents as living in “mayhem” and “madness” with their children. TV’s Supernanny regularly captures kids wildly, unbelievably out of control. How did our families get to such a state? Child psychologist Dr. Beth Grosshans has the answer. And mothers and fathers everywhere are listening. In what is sure to become a much-discussed blockbuster, Dr. Grosshans reveals why she believes nearly a half-century of parenting advice—with its emphasis on talking, exalting children’s self-esteem, and time-outs—is largely to blame for today’s lack of discipline. Her innovative ideas and techniques challenge this prevailing culture, proving that power and authority are as essential as love and good intentions to effective parenting. She persuasively explains why kids can only grow up healthy and strong when firmly led by their parents’ experience and better judgment, and provides a clear, easy five step program to follow. She enables parents to look at themselves clearly and identify their child-rearing style; they are often shocked to discover how their own behavior has inadvertently caused an imbalance in the family’s structure. Reading Beyond Time-Out is akin to sitting with Dr. Grosshans in her clinical office—and her core truths about healthy parent-child relationships are timeless.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Child psychologist Grosshans has worked with hundreds of families during the past 15 years. With the help of Burton, a clinical social worker with 35 years of experience, she outlines a plan to address the "mayhem and madness" of families that are out of kilter. The problem, as Grosshans sees it, is an imbalance of family power. The kids are running the show, Grosshans claims, and making a "royal mess of it." Ineffective parents-fueled by the past 40 years of advice that emphasizes talking, feelings and children's self-esteem-have relinquished power, setting the natural hierarchy of the family on its head. The result is anxious, unruly children who run their apologetic parents ragged. Grosshan's solution is to help parents combine love with leadership; to that end, she offers a five-step program to restore order, self-control and cooperation. Taking time-out a step further, she guides readers through a method of calming children she calls the "parent hold." The author also addresses common problem areas, including sleeping, eating and toileting. Though readers may find some of her advice a bit stern (e.g., she nixes the family bed and disapproves of transitional objects), Grosshans emphasizes that spanking or bullying are not options. Her carefully scripted, levelheaded technique aims not to punish but to help kids graciously step down from their thrones. (July)

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781402772733
Publisher:
Sterling
Publication date:
10/13/2009
Sold by:
Barnes & Noble
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
336
Sales rank:
681,873
File size:
499 KB

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Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 20 reviews.
NJGranny More than 1 year ago
Ah - wish I had a copy of this when my kids were the age of their kids. Dr. Grosshans has excellent and easy-to-follow advice. Sure, kids won't always do it by the book, but if you listen to what she's telling you and apply what you've learned, you have to see positive results. Grandparents who are dismayed at the antics of the younger generation - take heart. It's not just yours; it's an epidemic. And the solution, according to the author is so simple: just take the power out of those young hands. It's a loving, firm approach, and it works. This should be on every parent's night table.
Jen_K More than 1 year ago
I'm not a parent myself, but I teach elementary school and I have seen the kind of destruction that power-hungry kids are capable of. The longer I'm in the classroom, the more I'm convinced that consistency is the key to raising (and teaching) well-adjusted children-that, and the constant reminder that you are a caring person, but equally capable of being a leader.

I tend to focus overmuch on showing my students that I hear what their objections are and that I care about them, and therefore tend to engage in discussions that only lead down a non-productive path. This book, I believe, provides a useful device (The Ladder) for parents to use in order to avoid that trap and to correct it when it has gotten out of hand. Dr. Grosshans also addresses other common parenting traps and helps the parent to identify where he or she may be going astray. The language of The Ladder might take a little while for parents to get used to, but its intent and purpose are clear.

The Ladder, as it's described in the book, could not be adopted verbatim as a classroom management tool. However, much of the philosophy described in the book could carry over into the classroom, and I think it to be a highly valuable parenting tool.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I have a Masters Degree in Psychology and although I only worked with adults, I thought I had taken enough courses on infant and childhood development that parenting was not going to be that much of a challenge...you love your kids, you explain things to them, reward good behavior and use negative reinforcement for misbehavior right?...OK well how hard could it be lol. Well was I wrong I ended up with a very bright, lying, manipulative, temper tantrum, not potty trained still sleeping in her parents bed 4yr old. Since she was three I have read every article and book I could get a hold of on disciplining your child...nothing worked! I became more and more depressed over it and embarrassed to even take her anywhere, always apologizing for her bad behavior. Passing the TV set one morning I caught Dr. Beth Grosshans on an early morning talk show. I was very interested in what she had to say about imbalance of family power...I thought hey what's one more book. The book is very straight forward and simple...at first I thought too simple...again I was wrong! I have been using the ladder for less than a week and I still have a very intelligent child, but now she is also obedient, potty trained, and sweet as could be. We are still working on the sleeping in the parents bed, but we are definitely on our way!!! Dr. Grosshans has now taught me that parents need to be parents not friends to our children. Our children will have plenty of friends through out their lives but they only have one set of parents, who need to teach them how to be in this world and it can be done in a very nonpunitive loving way. Thank you Dr Grosshans and Ms Janet Burton for this outstanding book. I hope more parents will read it and learn from it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I just finished this book. I love it. I hsve read many bookks and tried many things but this one actually make sense and is eye opener. I have long way to go with my 3 year old but time outs done by this book works better that other I've tried. I recommend it to every parent
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
this book was an easy read and helped me tremendously with conducting my children in a calm and orderly manner. i have recommended it to all of my friends raising young children.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A definite read! This would be an excellent book for new parents.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
When I read this book, I had high hopes. But the techniques absolutely did not work with my 3 year old. We became even more embroiled in power struggles and they only escalated. I guess I am not entirely surprised since the book is not based on research but on one therapist's practice. However, the comments about parenting styles were actually helpful to me in looking at myself. So in the end, my successful interventions with my child have a) been on myself to stop going back and forth between giving so much power away verbally or becoming really forceful and authoritative, and b) creating positive, reward-based behavior modification such as sticker charts and puppets. He is much happier and so am I. And this book will not be shared with friends, but will sit on my shelf.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This has been the most helpful book I have ever read about raising children. My 4 year old daughter is a "spirited" child who was becoming more difficult to manage. She was verbally impulsive, quick tempered, and extremely rigid when presented with a situation where things didn't go her way. I was becoming increasingly frustrated with her; to the point where I was considering counseling. In fact, if this book didn't help, that is where I was headed. After reading this book, I saw the how the techniques I was using were only making the situation worse. At first, I was a bit reluctant to use the 5 step Ladder program, but it does work. Not only does it work, but it works quickly. During timeout, my daughter went from screaming, shouting, and throwing her toys to sitting on her bed waiting for me to tell her to get up. I do have to admit, she's not perfect, but life is much better with this program. I wish I had it earlier because I'm finally seeing the sweet spot of raising her. Every parent should own a copy of this book.
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Busy__Mom More than 1 year ago
Beyond Time Out is a great resource for parents who are at their wits end and are unsure how to discipline a child who seems unfazed by normal discipline methods. If you don't have time to read the whole book, check out the summary on ParentsDigest.com.
ParentsDigest_Pam More than 1 year ago
Reading this book gave me a new perspective on how I had been raising my two children. Both of my kids were on chaotic paths, and their behavior was getting to be very frustrating. 'Beyond Time Outs' made me and my husband realize that the methods we were using to raise our kids may not have been the most effective, and this book gave us successful tips on how to better the behavior of our kids. Definitely worth reading!

No time to read the whole book? Check out the 8 page summary at parentsdigest.com
Guest More than 1 year ago
Hands down the best parenting book ever. This book will totally change the way parents raise their kids in the 21st century. Thanks to Dr. Grosshans and her ladder technique, we no longer have an imbalance of family power in our house.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a pediatrician, I found 'Beyond Time-Out' to be an extremely well-written and insightful guide to child-rearing. Its particular emphasis on providing appropriate discipline while still communicating unconditional love - a crucial but very difficult balance for many families to achieve - will be of great benefit to parents and their children alike.