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Each year up to 100,000 women in the U.S. surrender babies for adoption and become "birthmothers." In this book, more than 70 of these women tell of their experiences--heart-wrenching stories that will inform, fascinate, and deeply affect everyone who reads them.
|2||Options and Decisions||11|
|3||Waiting Days and Birthdays||41|
|4||Getting Stuck or Moving On||71|
|5||Intimacies and Marriage||107|
|9||Balancing and Triangle||231|
|10||The Birthmother Syndrome||269|
Posted August 21, 2003
This is a beautifully written and very valuable book for our understanding of birthmothers who describe experiences in both closed and open adoptions. Many have grieved; others have felt relief; a number have entirely repressed their emotions. Regardless of what they think about relinquishment, many birthmothers continue to struggle with the emotional effects of suppressing their maternal drive in the form of rage, frustration, sorrow, guilt, and self-doubt. Many birthmothers emphasized that reunion was not a cure for the regrets, angers, or grief they faced after relinquishing. The author writes that 'Even in mutually rewarding reunions, most birthmothers experienced profound sensations of loss.' Yes, I can only begin to understand this feeling because I have personal experience with the birthmother of our daughter. Relinquishment occurred in 1969, when the baby was 4 days old and 29 years later our birthmother found us. Today, we love one another and our daughter has a cordial relationship with her birthmother, but our birthmother is facing the terrible reality that her grown daughter, now a mother herself, is not the needy little baby she had relinquished and a late mother-child relationship is impossible. 'Even reunions can't make it right.' I love this book and recommend it to everyone, not just to members of the adoption triad. It is a book about humanity. Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
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Posted May 9, 2009
I bought this book as a pregnant woman already decided upon adoption looking for comfort for the emotional things ahead. This book really isn't relevent in today's society. It talks about adoptions through the sixties, seventies and eighties. Things have changed a lot since then, I didn't find much of it useful. It's also extremely negative. There are a few positive stories thrown in almost as an afterthought but explains in detail one horror story after another. Agencies and adoption lawyers are made out to be evil, coercing and are in the business for the adoptive parents best interests since they're the ones funding the operations. All in all, it presented a severely negative, one-sided view on adoption.
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Posted December 17, 2009
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